Souls in Chaos Ver 2.00 Created by Xar Copyright 1995 Xar DISCLAIMER : (God told me to put this in) By continuing to read this document you agree to the following terms , I (Xar your dummy ) do not take any responsibility for any thing that may happen to you due to you reading this document , you will not ( cross your heart and kill the pope ) sue for anything me BUT you can send me cash , I do not ....................... ( the dots are for any clause I forgot) , so by reading this you take all responsibility to what ever happens to your mental , physical , dicks stability. This document may not be suitable for people that fall under the following categories 1) Condom vendors 2) People who think they are god 3) People who actually read their junk mail ( that includes stuff that tells you that you are the only one in the universe who was selected to win 10 million dead rats) 4) Children under the age of 10 who are sexually active 5) Any one who sells second hand Condoms 6) People that write cool internet zines 7) Any one who replies to their boss with " Yesssss Master " By continuing to read you agree to all the terms , if you don't then format your harddisk and kill three cats and offer them to the devil so that your soul may be free. And now for the real stuff -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Welp I am back , why you ask because I got quite a bit of email from you morons out there telling me that you don't like it , cool now I want to piss you off even more.... but first a little distraction listed below is the number of email letters I got telling me what you think of Souls in Chaos , if you did not send me a message telling me if you liked it or not then just wait a while as Souls in Chaos formats your harddisk. Category Number I like SIC 20 I hate SIC 30 I hate SIC so much I am going to burn Xar on the stake 10 I don't know how to write an email letter 1 Err what the fuck are you trying to tell me 5 Hmmm I think I hit the send button too fast 6 Grand Total 72 ( Shit I can add .. wow ) From this I conclude that only 20 out of 72 people in the world can understand anything above grade 1 level school work , damm what did you do when they were teaching you how to read and understand , oh yeah I forgot you had your brains on the babe in the next row. This issue is going to be short , one because I don't have the time , two because I have a lot of other stuff to do and hmmm what comes after two .. ten naw err three there I know something see , three no fucker is paying me to type this shit , if all of you sent me like $100 each I would give you a printed copy of souls in chaos. I see that you are interested read on and find out how to get a printed copy of souls in chaos. Ordering Information Please send $100 , $300 , $500 or any amount above $500 to Souls in Chaos c/o The Sex Kitten's Workshop Ivory Coast Africa NOTE : All prices are in US Dollars ( or as they would say in Thailand " US dolla dolla ) , don't send me the equivalent amount in yen or lira , for one its hard to launder any other currency other than US dollars. and its going to take a fucking huge envelope to send it to us in. If you are under the age of 3 then please get a signed ( please no X'es) letter from your parents , sister ( if she is above the age of 18 then a nude photo will do ) , mother ( if she is below the age of 37 then a nude photo will be a suitable substitute to the letter ) , father ( do not send a nude photo , we are NOT gays ) , pope , god , president , a member of a political group ( make sure he/she can read and write) , devils , demons , any person who can say " I need Souls in Chaos to live " , stating that you can give us all the info below. Warning , to ensure prompt shipment of your we also need your credit card numbers , social sec numbers , mothers maiden name and any other info you may find useful when we try to break into your house , also if you are a babe under the age of 37 then send us a nude photo of you and we will give you a 10% discount. Only cash will be accepted , unmarked bills please , too much trouble with marked bills the last time , had to launder the money in Cuba damm , cant you dicks out there give people like me a break ? , for gods sake when you send cash you send unmarked bills dummy. For Babes only , if you are willing to perform sexual favors for a friend of mine , I will send you a FREE laser printed copy of souls in chaos ( and they call me greedy ). He's always ready to stand up to the occasion. Now lets get on to some serious stuff that bothers me , what is it you may wonder ... FUCKING INSTALL PROGRAMS. God must hate me , yeah he does .. he only gave me 4 fucking megabytes of ram 4 see how I suffer , as you can see with 4 megabytes I can only run a rather simple and stupid operating system called Dick Operating System . You know what the fuck I am talking about , just think its the operating system that's in like 90% of all computers. And to make DickOS look a bit better I had to use a program called Wicked its made by Microslop , as you can see I am trying to refrain from using real product name. Why you ask because I don't want to put fucking trademark notices all over my zine, its my fucking zine. On the topic of trademarks and copyrights ever wonder how all the words are being copyrighted today soon we will have to put a trademark notice when ever we type the word " Computer " , the trademark notice will look like this " Computer is a registered trademark of Computer Devils Corp " or some fuckling company like that . Wicked ( for those poor souls who are still wondering what wicked is here is a clue its what you look out of it to see the sad outside world when you are in your room , they keep on sticking it in walls , made of glass etc ) is the program that hogs your system and crashes every 2 days or when you have a full moon. It helps to make Dick Operating System a little better , gives me a stupid word processor that takes like 20mb of my harddisk and tells me I cant print the file , if the program takes up more than 20mb it damm well better be able to create a printer even if you don't have one. In addition to its may wonderful bugs it has it also increases my joy by giving me install error messages that are fucking unbelievable. Over the years I have spent playing around with computers I have come across some very odd error messages while installing new programs , I try to refrain from throwing a hammer at my computer ( I save that hammer for the programmer that wrote the install program) and continue to analyze the error message like any rational human would do but what the fuck do you do when you get a error message like this " INSTALL : Cannot find INSTALL " , yeah I saw one like this a few weeks ago , INSTALL cannot find INSTALL , wow then how the fuck did the install run in the first place. SETUP : Please insert setup disk ADX@ : Hmmm is this a coded message from the people on mars could be , fuck where the hell is setup disk ADX@ ??? . No it was not in the box , so what do I do I reinstall the program and this is what it tells me " SETUP : Copy already installed please click on icon to run" err copy installed , why did they give me 10 disks when I the entire program can fit on one disk. Oh I get it the company is so kind as to give me 9 extra disks of the same program so I can give it to my friends. While on the topic of disks , when you get a program that comes in like 30 disks and you only want to install part of it why does the install program ask you for disk 25 then disk 10 ??? cant the program at least ask for disks in order , I mean after all the fucking trouble it will give me when I finish installing it that is the least I expect. Ever paid $600 for a package and it comes on like 40 disks ?? , I think a CD-ROM instead of disks would be a better idea and they better include a CD-ROM drive in that box , because after I pay $600 for it I want the damm CD-ROM and the drive, this is what I would like to see on the side of the box " Includes CD-ROM , CD-ROM drive , 10 Tapes on have to have better Sex while waiting for this program to install , Caffeine Pills ( So you can stay up and try to fix the problems its going to give you ) , 3 comics , 4 dead rats , 100 flies and a few other things we found around our office" , time to get back to stupid install error messages. Drive D is write protected : Hmmm how odd drive D on my system is a CD-ROM drive , why the fuck did it try to write the setup file on drive D when it is installing to drive C ???? Setup will now modify your setup files : This one I hate, I spend a lot of time setting my system up ( by now you should know I spend a lot of time doing things that are stupid like writing this zine ) and in one swoop the everything is gone. The next one is not an install error message but its just as funny One file is missing , please copy the file into the work directory : What fucking file , what's the damm name of the file is the name "Onefile" ??? for gods sake I am not a mind reader, I don't have a LAN cable stuck into my brain to know what fucking file my computer wants. Install will now stop : Oh wow , just great now what do I do Install will remove the old copy : and remove any other thing it likes at the same time Setup cannot find setup disk : Hmmm how odd Setup is finished please remove drive C and restart Wicked : Drive C happens to be my harddisk Install , Error cannot find video card : Hmmmmm how come I can read that on the screen And now for one of the best , people the guy who wrote the code for this program must be given an award for the stupidest install program. Install cannot install Install : Wow that one cracked me up Lets move on to another topic I am sure your brain is stunned at quality of this zine , what topic hmmm money. Never have enough of it and it is the root of all evil so why don't you save your soul and give me all the cash you have , I will take away the evil and you will never see it again. Why do I want to do such a great deed because I care about the world , I will remove the evil from your accounts and any other place you care to tell me about , so send me all your cash to the address that was above , for those of you who have a broken up arrow key and you cant scroll back up to read it , I will retype the address to send the cash to below. Souls in Chaos c/o The Sex Kitten's Workshop Ivory Coast Africa Now for a traditional ( after doing it once I call it a tradition )part of Souls In Chaos another batch of stupid chants , so read on and stick your dick in a com port while reading. Chants of Xar Copyright 1995 Kelvin Muthumani ( damm does this guy ever give up ?? ) Mother Earth Burns In My Soul The dark ones gather in the mist of death The one who was raped is with vengeance Mother Earth stole his life Death has become his name Vengeance runs in his blood For the time has come The last punishment is done On the sacred ground he swears That the sinners will suffer Rage of the gods Fear of the unborn Combine in his mortal coil Life had no meaning Burning on the cross Like one before him For sins that were not his May the gods hear me On this day Demons bought my soul Its just a matter of time A matter of time Before I return in vengeance Cries of the Soul ( This one is dedicated to all those who have got the same shit as me ) God , God look upon me Sad and naked I stand before thee You gave me life You gave me hope And you gave me love Now that all is gone In a matter of a dream You have destroyed me From what I was To what I have become A soul in which the hellfire's rage Your son cries before thee The time is running out For the power of the dark Has become my companion Now the lies of the old Stand naked before me Maybe the dark side will Put these fires out In the end there can be only one One that rules my mind One that become my life The Dark Armies In the void they existed Sleeping like a snake The light of the dark lord Shined upon them until they arose To one it was chaos To others it was religion In his mind chaos ran Like a river of blood Hopeful of peace He turned to another With her forked tongue She licked his soul In a moment of life He saw the fangs Is this all a dream ??? Lies When will it come again Like a forked tongue Licking your soul And twisting your mind For a second the path glows He chooses the one he dreams The path of lies Darkness around me Fooled my his memories Of times that were better Mind in a mist of darkness He tries to do his best Replaced in a second The time has come To find the true path Sins It was said by the seers There would be one Who would look for the darkness And live the life of chaos Sinned at birth Cursed to live While the snake Wraps his soul In the darkness of the void The life of the madman The river runs like the blood in my veins Dreams float past me in the muddy waters I set sail in the river where the angles fly Life has its choices That I must make I will roam the roads of doom Until the vengeance is over For it is my way My life My soul Welcome my Children Come with me Into the world that is yours Never again will you see the light That blinded you before Your sins are forgiven Your mind free For god created the devil And the devil is me Pure Death Warmth of the Void Consoles my soul Infinite worlds Spin in abandonment My task is over My test is done Death , Pure Death Become my one Hell and the other place Chose my friend For the are both the same Created by one For the use of another Never will I die Never will I lie Till the day the devil Comes into my life Soul Rape My soul is yours to look at Yours to play with Yours to feel Yours to rape Feel the pain Feel the cold touch As my soul My only soul Is raped by the one I love I am the one I am the one who sleeps in your bed I am the one who sees you I am the one who lies to you I am the one who will pull you down I am the one who will kiss you I am the one who will feel you I am the one who will free you I am the one who will love you I am the one who will destroy you For I am the one That's all for now , in the next issue ( yes people there will be a next issue ) I will write some more stupid senseless shit , but because you are actually reading this it proves you have got nothing better to do with your life you might as well read the next issue in the mean time I bid you farewell. Till we meet under a different sun Xar (Look the show is over , now go and continue to lead your sorry lives)