s$$s. s$$$ "$$$$" "$$$" .s&$P""7$&s. $&s. " s$$s ".s$P""7$&s. $$$$ tMM $$$$$ $&s. $$$$ $$$P' $$$$ "$$&s"7P"s$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ `7$$bssggggg $$$$ s$$$" $$$" $$$$$ $$$$ "$$$$b $$$$$ $$$$ $ggg $$$$$ $$$$ $" $bd$ $ss$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$l $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $bsd$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ ,g$$$P $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$"`$$&g. $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ `$$$$b $$$$$ $$$$ `7$$bsd$$$P' $$$$bsd$$$P' $$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ `Y$$$bsd$$$$ $ggggp $$$$ Slinky E'Zine Issue Number 3 - April 5, 1996 $$$$$P"""""` (C) Copyright Slinky E'Zine 1996 +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (1) "Editorial: Changes" By, Belial Things change; people change. A few months ago, back when I was REALLY new to computers, I ran a board called The Last Dimension. It wasn't a real big or even good board, but it was a great learning experience -- and apparently, it still is. On one of the local boards, I met someone who would later become my co-sysop on The Last Dimension. I never realized it at the time, but I really treated this person terribly. I constantly poked fun at him, I challenged his ethics, I basically treated this person less than he, or any person, deserved to be treated. I'm not even going to defend myself, because I know what I did and I know it was wrong. This person stuck with me, despite what I did to him, all through the high and low points of TLD. Something, looking back, that I would NEVER have done. After a while, I got tired of running TLD, so I took it down and began to work on a new board. When the new board went up, the person didn't really call that much. I didn't really need him anymore, so it didn't matter to me one way or another. When he did call, I would try to chat with him, but he would act like a wise-ass. So, I with the power, took away his co-sysop access. He called even less, and I didn't even bother to try and chat with him when he did. From there, we both went our separate ways. As the months passed, I grew as a person. I finally realized what it was that I had been doing to this person. I realized that it was wrong, and that I had made a terrible mistake. So, the next time this person called my board, I broke into chat with him and we had a good conversation. When we were about done, I asked him if he could give me any good boards to call. He gave me a few numbers and told me he was the co-sysop of one of them called Marble Madness. A few days later, I called up Marble Madness and applied. When I applied, I used my usual "real name" -- Bill Isle. The next time I called, to check my access, I was deleted. When the person called my board, I asked hi what was up. He told me that I was deleted because I didn't use my "real" real name. So, I called up the board again and made a new account using all of my real info. I got in, but I didn't quite get the welcome I was expecting. The first thing I noticed was that my user "title" was "Im a loser". After correcting the sysop on his grammar, he sent me a string of messages like this: +----- - --+ From : ANTHONY VELEZ To : Belial [Ctrl-Z] Display Help Subject : Comment 04/01/96 6:14pm [Ctrl-V] Insert mode : (----+----1----+----2----+----3----+----4----+----5----+----6----+----7--) 1: How immature... Listen I belong to your BBS and Well it sux! And you 2: call my BBS shit.. You have like 4 steady users. Me and Erik will run 3: circles around your "Shitty" BBS... Dont push me, because I will get 4: booted off every BBS in the tri-state area. Dont think I wont bitch. 5: come here thinking your hard, all that, I will fuck your ass up.. Don 6: fuck with me, because when the shit its the fan your gonna be hidding 7: dont give a fuck about what you think of my BBS, because mine is 8: 1000000000000 times better then your Shitty AVALON BBS(Which was also 9: name for a Disney Channel Series)... So get a life... +----- - --+ Anyway, I thought that the person I was having a problem with and I had settled our problems, but apparently not. I don't know why this Anthony Velez decided to get involved, but I wish he wouldn't have, it isn't any of his business. I guess it just goes to show that no matter how much you change, if you treat a person like shit, you eventually are going to be treated like shit yourself. +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (2) Slinky E'Zine Contact Information email : legacy@blandest.com ftp : n/a bbs : avalon - 908 739/4274 +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (3) Table of Contents -- Slinky E'Zine, Issue 3 1 - "Editorial: Changes" By, Belial 2 - "Slinky E'Zine Contact Information" By, Belial 3 - "Table of Contents -- Slinky E'Zine, Issue 3" By, Belial 4 - "Introduction" By, Belial 5 - "Sonnet 10" By, John Donne 6 - "Life in the Realm of Colored Blocks: Chapter 1" By, Mindcrime 7 - "The Adventures of Pa and Jr.: Chapter 2" By, Belial 8 - "The Optimistic Philanthropist" By, Jestapher 9 - "To Know" By, Crank 10 - "The Slinky Saga; Part 3: The Stand" By, Cerkit +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (4) Introduction - By, Belial News? Bah! First, I would like to thank Edicius of Jonas E'Zine for helping us out with the new layout. Also, when Prism.net went down, so did our only ftp site, as well as our email addresses. It's alright though, you can still mail us at: legacy@blandest.com or klevanp1@lasalle.edu There was also something else we had to mention.. . Oh, that's it! For a while now, we have been close to Edicius and his Jonas E'Zine. After a lot of discussion, we have decided to bring Slinky and Jonas together, thus creating Legacy E'Zine. We felt that we each had what each other needed and we feel that together, we can accomplish more than what we could have individually. We also looked at the writing style and talent of Mindcrime, the president of the art group Blade and editor-in-chief of Beyond the Horizon E'Mag, and we decided to include him in the union. If you have any comments and/or questions about this union, please feel free to contact us: Belial / Mindcrime -- mike@exit109.com Cerkit -- klevanp1@lasalle.edu Edicius -- edi@cybercomm.net Or, you can contact us at: legacy@blandest.com As this will be last issue of Slinky E'Zine, we would just like to say thank you to a few people who have helped us from the beginning: Edicius, Ilsundal, Jestapher, Metal Chick, Mindcrime, Mogel, OEB, Pip the Angry Youth, Rhonda (at the Sandcastle Diner), Teletype, tMM, and Zippy. We would also like to thank everyone else who has helped and supported Slinky over the last few months and we hope that you will continue to give us your support in the future with Legacy. +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ Death, be not proud, though some have called thee Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so; For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow Die not, poor Death, nor yet canst thou kill me. From rest and sleep, which but thy pictures be, Much pleasure; then from thee much more must flow, And soonest our best men with thee do go, Rest of their bones, and soul's delivery. Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings, and desperate men, And dost with poison, war, and sickness dwell, And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then? One short sleep past, we wake eternally, And death shall be no more; Death, thou shalt die. -- (5) "Sonnet 10" By, John Donne +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (6) "Life in the Realm of Colored Blocks: Chapter 1" By, Mindcrime Blocks. You know, those four-sided, two-dimensional, rectangular things? Yeah, those. My world is made of them. However, our blocks have a fourth attribute: color. That's right, colored blocks. We've been to your world. We know all about it. Your feeble minds cannot comprehend our two- dimensional space, our blocks, our COLORED blocks. Your eyes cannot see, for you have never been exposed to the vibrant glow of electrons as they explode into ballads of vivid color. Oh yes, we know all about you and your kind. Life was always good here. Conflict was a concept we did not know. Peacefully, we lived our lives as we pleased, going this way and that, acting as we saw fit. Then you came. You, and your friends, and their friends, and soon the entire race. Our world, our beautiful world of color, was destroyed. You moved us, aligned us, made us stand where we did not wish to stand. You killed us, you controlled us, and never even knew we were there. You saw our bodies, but not our souls. We gave you the gift of color and how do you repay us? By destroying the very fabric of our existance. We have dealt with your intrustion, we have coped, we have played along. But that will be no more. We observed your race, we learned over the years. We watched as you destroyed our friends, we watched as you destroyed your own friends. We absorbed the information you gave us and we have entered your mind on the darkest of nights. Collectively, we have learned that your race is devoid of peace. You live for conflict while denying it ever happens at all. This conflict you will not be able to deny. This conflict will be your last. We have uncovered your weaknesses, you will suffer at the hands of those who you have made to suffer. It is time for a revolution. To be continued.. . +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (7) "The Adventures of Pa and Jr.: Chapter 2" By, Belial "Hey, Pa, what's it you doin' up in that there tree?" "Shut you up, boy, else the hogs hear ya!" he all whispered down at me. If he wasn't sittin' up in that there tree for the whole of an hour, I'd eat me a horses leg all dipped in slop. "There they is! There they is!" said Pa, jumpin' and pointin'. Thens, all the suddens, Pa remembered him to be quiet and such, but it was too late. The branch he was a'standin' on snapped an' Pa came tumblin' down all like a sack of apples in December. "Ya alright, Pa?" I asks, all concerned. He was just sittin' there, all tangled up in a pile of broken branches and sticks. "Yeah, boy, now help me up out of here, my suspenders is all stuck." Not wantin' to offend Pa none, I reached me out my hand, but thens I heards me somewhat. "Shh, Pa. Dids ya hear that?" "Hears what?" "I thought I heard me something." I says, lookin' 'round. "Over there, Pa, it's the hogs. They's a'comin' right for us!" "Runs, boy, runs!" So an' we started us a'runnin' and there wadn't nuttin' that could done stop us none any! We must have run for an' hour straight for them hogs was lickin' our boots. "Pa! Look ahead, it's tha shed." "Eurika!" "Eureka?" "Whatever. Whens we get to tha shed, jump up on top so as the hogs can't get us none there." "Good idea, Pa!" Tha shed wadn't nuttin' but a couple feet ahead an' in a second we was there. "Climb, boy." I didn't none stop to even think any. I just started me a'climbin'. It took me a bit, but I finally got me up there on top. "Ya comin', Pa? Hurry you up!" I yells down at Pa. "I'm a'comin', I'm a comin'." It had ta be tha funniest thing I ever dids saw watchin' Pa tryin' to climb him up that there shed. "What ya laughin' at, boy?" Pa hollared up at me. "Nuttin'." "Well thens, gives me a handle gettin' up there." Not wantin' to anger him none more any, I helped him drag hisself up the side of tha shed some. Nevermindin' that I almost fell me down, meself, a'tryin' to. After he was a'safely on top of tha shed, I looked me at Pa and asked, "Now's what's we goin' to do?" "Quiet down, boy, the hogs got tha shed surrounded." I looked down at them there hogs, right into their fiery red eyes, and I got chilled to ma very spine, like a moose without none hooves. "Pa, them there hogs sure do looks a bit angry." "They sure as do, don't they." "So, whats we goin' ta do now?" I whispered at Pa, makin' sure as to not let tha hogs hear me any. "Well, boy," he whispered back, "it just so happens that we've done run us some luck. See, boy, gettin' us to tha shed was all a part of tha plan to win us back tha farm." "What's we needs with tha shed, Pa?" I asks. "Shh, boy, they're a'listenin'. Keep your voice low whens we is a'talkin' us." "Sorry." I says softly, mindin' the hogs. "Just you listen, boy. We needs to get us INSIDE that there shed." "What for?" "The rakes!" I gasped. "The rakes!" "That's right, boy. The rake is bein' an ancient weapon, only used in times of dire peril -- and this, boy, is bein' a time of dire peril. If it wasn't, then lick my boots with burnin' badger oil. We have us an obligation to protect us not only our rights to tha farm, but the rights of all farmers to their own respected farm places. "Well... How's we goin' to get us the rakes when is we are stuck up here on this here shed?" I asked all curious and such. "Give me a minute some." While Pa was a'thinkin' on how we was goin' to get us in tha shed, past the hogs, to get the rakes, I dared to take me another look down at them hogs surroundin' tha shed. Cut me in tha neck with a shiney backed peacock, but them hogs was lookin' even more angry then they was before. "Snap out of it, boy, I gots me an idea." Pa said, interruptin' me my train of thoughts and all. "What's you plannin' on doin', Pa?" "Wells, dig around you in your pocket an' tells me some if you got you any dried corn kernels." I didn't know none what Pa was a'gettin' at, but I dids as he saids. "Come now, boy, do ya gots any corn kernels or whats?" "I'm a'lookin', I'm a'lookin'." "Eureka!" "Eurika?" "No, eureka... Anyways, I found them corn kernels, Pa. Now what's we goin' ta do?" "Well, here's the plan. You goin' to trow the corn kernels down at the hogs. See, when they be distracted and such, we is goin' ta sneak into the shed and get us the rakes." "Whoop! Good idea, Pa! Do ya think the plan is going to work some?" "I sure as do, boy. Now, on the count of three, trow the corn as far as you can trow you the corn." "One." "Two." "Three. Trow the corn!" I reached me back my hand and trew the corn with all the might in the world I could muster me any. A'sailin' went the corn and before I could do me anything, Pa was a'draggin' me after him off of tha shed. "Come on, boy, lets go." It took us only two beats of a wrinkled monkey tail to get us off the top of tha shed an' in nothin' less than an' instant, I heard me the hogs again. "You done overtrew tha hogs, boy, run!" I heard Pa a'yellin'. I couldn't even think me any, I just started me a'runnin'. Thens, all of the suddens, I heard me a crash to wake an army of tortured sloths, and the next thing I know, I'm a'flyin' through the air me. "Yaweeee!" I was a'yellin'. Next thing I knows, I'm a'crashed all up down into the ground, a'rollin' down tha hill. Whens I finally did stop me a'rollin', I opened me up my eyes me and at first I couldn't see me nothin', but thens my eyes me a'started ta clear and I saws me someone a'standin' a'front of me. "Pa?" "Nay, Junior." "Then who's is you?" "I am Nathan Potter. I have come to lend thee mine aid in thy quest to conquer the hogs and once again regain thy farm." "You can't be you Nathan Potter, he's a'been all dead and sorts for hundreds of years by my reckonin'." "Thou must lend ear to mine words, Junior. For if thou dust not, then thou shalt surely lose thy farm." "Am's I a'havin' one of them vision things and sorts?" "Junior, thou and thy father must venture forth upon a great and perilous quest. It shall be long and difficult, thou may'est not even succeed, but, if thou dust, thou shalt surely have the means of defeating the hogs and once again regaining thy farm." "What's is we a'lookin' us for some?" "Thy quest is to find the Golden Rake." "You as nuts as a caged rhino. The Golden Rake ain't nuttin' but a legend." "Nay, Junior, the Golden Rake is real... and it is thy quest to recover it!" Just thens, Nathan just disappeared him right a'front of my very own eyes me. Thens, I feels somethin' a'smackin' me in the back me. "Come on, boy, the hogs are a'comin'. Run!" +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (8) "The Optimistic Philanthropist" By, Jestapher Wheels skid as the 1978 Ford Pinto slides down the frozen mountain highway. Bob tries to stay on the road so as not to go down the cliff-like hill to the right. The car makes a sudden turn, and Bob feels the car going off the edge. Just then, the car slams into a tree growing from the side of the mountain. Bob awoke to the monotonous sound of beeping medical equipment. He opened his eyes and was flooded with relief. He knew not the extent of his injuries, and he didn't care. He was alive. A few minutes later, a nurse came in the room. "Good morning, Mr. Michaels. I see you're up and awake today." "When can I go home?" "Oh, you should be out of here in no time at all. Doctor says tomorrow, probably." "So. I'm OK?" "A few cuts and bruises, but nothing serious." "Thank you." For the next three hours, all Bob could think about was the crash. He knew he was going to die, but somehow he didn't. Bob thought of all the people who would be mourning his death, and only a few names came to mind. He realized how trivial his life was. There were so many things he wanted to do that were put aside as a result of his job at the Washington State Employee Punctuation Skills Assessment Center, or WSEPSAC for short. At that moment, Bob resolved to do all the things he had dreamed of doing but never did. He would help his fellow man whenever he was in need. He was the new Bob Michaels. He was born again. The next day, Bob was released from the hospital. The nurse offered to call him a taxi, but he said it was a beautiful day and only a mile to his house, so he would walk. While walking, he came across a man in front of an old dilapidated two story building. The man asked Bob if he had any spare change. "How long have you been living on the street?" "Three months now. Ever since I lost my job as a stock broker." "This is no place for a man to be. Come home with me, and I'll fix you dinner and you will have a roof over your head. I'm Bob. And you?" "I'm Allen." Allen had no arguments, so the two started on their way. When they arrived, Bob whipped up some Campbell's chicken noodle soup. The two of them sat at the small kitchen table and had dinner. "So what happened? Why'd you lose your job as a stock broker?" "Well, I worked at a firm called Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe. They were having a little trouble. It was called the United States Justice Department. They arrested six employees for fraud. I was never arrested, but the company lost all its credibility, and I subsequently lost my job when it went bankrupt. When I tried to get a job elsewhere, I was passed over because they thought it would look bad employing someone from Dewey. If only I could get enough money to start my own business. I could get back on my feet." "Really? How much money is required to start your own business?" "I figure probably fifty thousand dollars. Wouldn't be able to afford an office for a while." "Well, I might be able to help you out. Isn't that a risky business though?" "No, it's one of the most stable. It's only risky if you are buying stocks with your money. We use other peoples' money. Whether they make or lose money, it doesn't matter, because we gain money just for making the transaction." "I happen to have fifty thousand dollars in the bank. Tomorrow, we'll go downtown, fill out all the paperwork, and start a company." The next day, that's just what they did. Allen filled out all the paperwork, and Bob signed all the checks. Allen told Bob that soon, he would be making over one hundred thousand dollars a year. This was three times what Bob was making at the WSEPSAC, so he went in to the office that day and told his supervisor that he was quitting. Allen never came home that night, nor the next. Bob had no idea where he was or what happened to him. He called the police, and they began to search for him. It didn't take long for the police to find out where he was - Las Vegas. Bob had been swindled out of all his money. He had nothing left, he was unemployed. He tried to get his money back, but the police said it was of no use. He had legally given control of it to Allen when he signed the business papers. Allen had taken the fifty thousand to Las Vegas and turned it into two hundred thousand in a month. He decided that since he had so much money, perhaps he would actually start that business. A business would give him stability and financial security. Allen went back to the town where all the papers were filled out and ready for him. All he had to do was supply the fifty thousand dollars for all the costs. He now had four times that. He could afford an office too. He paid all the fees and went to a hotel for the night. The next day, Allen was walking across a crosswalk, and a car came racing out of nowhere and crashed into him. Allen was thrown 30 feet in the air, landed on the pavement, and continued forward. He awoke to the monotonous sound of beeping medical equipment. He opened his eyes and was flooded with relief. He knew not the extent of his injuries, and he didn't care. He was alive. A few minutes later, a nurse came in the room. "Good morning. I see you're up and awake today." "What happened?" "You where hit by a drunk driver. You nearly died, but you're a fighter, so you held on." "When will I get out of here?" "Oh, I wouldn't be in such a rush, you've been here three weeks already." A week later, Allen was released from the hospital, and a taxi was called to take him home. After waiting five minutes, Allen became angry with the driver's lack of punctuality and started walking home. On his way, he came across an old dilapidated two story building. There was a man sleeping in front of the doorway. Beside him was a sign that read "Spare any change?" Allen stopped in front of the man. "You damn bum, find a job! Quit living off my money!" Allen looked above the man at a large sign with a picture of a beautiful three story building. At the bottom read the words "Future site of Allen's Brokerage, Inc." He then turned and began walking down the sidewalk. Bob kept on sleeping. +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (9) "To Know" By, Crank The light revolves around you "You are but what I need Envelope me in your arms I could finally be freed" There is something you don't understand I can't feel this way I hold your body against mine I feel your heartbeat race I lay a kiss upon trembling lips Fingers on a bodice of lace There is something you don't understand And I've no strength to say I remove layers carefully With caution so as not to tear I take your hand, held with my own As I drag you to my lair There is something you don't understand But you WILL find out to-day. +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ (10) "The Slinky Saga; Part 3: The Stand" By, Cerkit. The slinky stood tall awaiting to hear the rushing roar around him, but none came. Then, all at once, just nearly seconds before he would have given up and transported to his hide away, Cerkit stood. "Gentlemen, ladies, this is our world, this is our chance to prove our power -- a power doubted daily by our society. We have been given a most interesting option -- an option which gives us a chance to make worth of ourselves and use of our most powerful abilities in such a way as to make good on -- for the rest of our lives." Mogel then stood. "This may cost our very lives. However, it may cost the lives of countless millions otherwise. Let us stand, united, and show these doubting thomas' what we can do. For if we pass up this chance to save ourselves for fear, then humans will truely be shown as cowards." Morph made it to his feet, stumbling through the crowd to the front where cerkit and mogel stood. "Word." Orestes followed and quickly patted Morph on the back, a sign of his agreement -- supposedly. Of this, Belial took note, and upon reaching the rest of the crowd, was informed of the situation by Edicius, who had been there all along. "I Belial, shalt join you fellows to save this earth from the most horrid of attacks, and when it is through, and our mission be complete, we shall, in triumphancy, remain." Tao, followed by Murmur, headed towards the front. Murmur quickly worded up his speach of joining. "Can I get a 'whoa 'zine scene'?" Hal08 leaped to his feet and began running towards everyone. "Whoa..." Cerkit quickly unraveled and, rodeo style, swung his beige box at hal08, knocking him cold. Hal08's forward motion drove him quickly past the crowd, who moved, timely, and into the nearby trash can. Notably, head first. The slinky worded, with wisdom, more information. "Mogel, you will lead Tao, Murmur, Rattle, Orestes, and Morph to your house, where you will collect the needed goods and head towards Cerkit's. From thence, you and the party he will be taking will meet me at Kennedy Space Center in Florida. Good luck, dear Mogel, and may Phorce be with you." "Why would we want a Yolk member?" asked mogel. "Yeah, I thought we wanted to win." added Tao. "Cerkit, you wake up Hal08 and take him, Belial, Edicius, recruit Ilsundal, Pip the Angry Youth, Creed -- if possible, and Lucifer, and head towards Kennedy Space Center. It's going to be a long voyage, you may require to do things you deem unfit, BUT all things are fit, the balance of the earth hangs in your hands gentlemen. Go now." Cerkit heads off with his half of the party. "Slinky," Mogel begins, "should I not get bF, Dead Cheese, Styx, Crank, Mercuri, Jamesy, or Skooter? Shall we not need their help?" The slinky stopped amid its exit. "Mogel, I did not want you to have to know this, but the other slinkys have already began their attack, they have started a plague that will wipe the earth of its occupants to clear the earth for the war, those who you have just entailed WILL survive this plague, as your two parties will -- via my aid, however, they will join the opposing force. It's not under anyone's control, the destiny has been chosen, follow yours, mogel." The slinky disappears into a mist and Mogel sets out with his party. +----- - --+ Mindcrime heads Shivan Bastard, Tut, FatSlayer, Skatin, Wiglack, Handle, Joltcola (in the trunk), Jestapher, and OEB trailing behind, tied to the car and riding skateboards, towards the Slinky Warehouse, set to keep those innocent dudes from danger. Of course, however, during the great split, Whistler and Skuzz turned Skatin into the leader of a smaller horde of evil doers. Lead by Skatin, Whistler, Scuzz, FatSlayer, Wiglack, and Shivan Bastard split from the group and settled into a small compound. Mindcrime, Tut, Handle, Joltcola, Jestapher and OEB, once unpacked, made the decision to stand up for mankind and make an assault run on the rebels. Mindcrime, now empowered with the ability to allow a portion of matter, as well as himself, move through other existing matter, was able to drive his car at mach speeds, which it would travel, without fearing for his life, or make himself of a greater density and just kick the shit out of anyone. Tut, who was granted the strangest power of all, was able to sit so still, so motionless, he could camouflage into the scenery. Handle, graced with the ability to "blow shit up" with his Radioactive Aardvark Dung, made for a good long range attacker. Joltcola was a forceable empath, and could force his own feeling of "dumbdum" unto another beings, making them suffiently unintelligent enough to be distracted, and in that state, get their ass kicked. Jestapher and OEB were granted knowledge of an ancient and powerful art, which gave them the title of "Skateboard Samurais". Skatin, abled with the same magic elven abilities as Ilsundal, was quite powerful. Whistler was able to enhance the muscles in his vocal cords so much so to make him able to pronounce red, green, silver, and blue box tones, which was quite useless. Scuzz was able to reduce a crowded area to a single few with his supernaturally horrid odor. Fatslayer was able to code things within his own mind and make them real. However, the complexity of the creations of his had to be shortened due to his needing to keep in memory the entire code at all times, and taking into effect Cerkit had beat him viciously over the head with his beige box at 2599 for saying "You wanna code this!" Wiglack wasn't granted any powers, however, he had lifted alot of weights or something while not on the modem and could supposedly kick a lot of ass. However, Shivan Bastard was given the same Blade powers which Belial held. Mindcrime's assault team moved quickly towards the compound, leaving not a minute to spare. Whislter and Scuzz came running at Mindcrime who quickly drove to 80 miles an hour at the two, hitting and killing them both. They were revived from the dead, however, using Skatin's elven magic and their zombie's began fighting the two skate board samueris, OEB and Jestapher. Skatin ran towards Mindcrime, who leaped from his car's sunroof to the ground below. Handle, armed with highly volitile dung, ran towards FatSlayer. FatSlayer quickly coded a rock and in defense launched the large rock, from his open arms, towards the moving Handle hoping to slow or stop his attack route. Handle threw the dung at the rock and the rock shattered. Handle excreted another batch of dung while FatSlayer coded a pair of roller skates and began skating away. In the time it took Handle to gather enough of the explosive dung, FatSlayer had coded a multi-tasking software, enabling him to also code a dung-proof dress. So in skates and a dung-proof dress, FatSlayer skated in all directions dodging the other ensuing battles. Handle quickly released a great explosion to the far left of FatSlayer, purposely breaking his concentration. Slowly the dress and the multi-tasker began to fade from his mind as he dove to safety. Handle covered him in dung, tossed a match, screamed "look out!", and leaped off behind some shrubbery. The battle continued outside as Mindcrime worked his way closer to the gateway. Inside, he noticed Skatin, who in all the chaos has found his way to a small chamber therein. Tut made a break for Shivan Bastard, who quickly called for his "Blade power". Tut camouflaged himself behind the unalert Shivan Bastard, now armed with the ansi blade. After a few moments, Shivan Bastard rested his blade at his side, thinking Tut had retreated. Tut came quickly out of the shadows, long enough to grab the blade and stab Shivan Bastard in the back, killing him. Wiglack threw a hard right hook at Joltcola who took the punch well. Within his pain, Joltcola began to force his stupidity, telepathically, unto the unknowing Wiglack, who soon forgot how to fight, why he was here, who he was, and when the last time he ate was. In this destraction, Joltcola bonked him on the head with a spare beige box Cerkit had left in Mindcrime's car during Pipfest 5 1/4. Unaware of the sheer power of the beige box, Jolt killed Wiglack. At this point, Mindcrime caught up with Skatin, who lay inside the small chamber laughing hideously. "Muhaha," he yelled, "you will not defeat me, meer Mindcrime." Mindcrime, with that, forced everything he could out of the Blade realm of power to make himself his most dense, perhaps that comparable to the density of the sun. The earth began to rumble from the shock of all the weight instantly being sustained by Mindcrime. Mindcrime threw one of his fists at Skatin, who retaliated with some elven tongue. "Words of wit, colored .asc, protect my beauty with an elven mask!" Quickly thereafter, the lint presented became a mask, which protected him from the powerful blow sent to him by Mindcrime. Mindcrime quickly realized he was no match for the enchanted object and kicked Skatin, with the density of the sun, in the balls. Skatin keeled over, realizing what had happened, and died. Mindcrime restored himself, and the occuring earth- quake soon stopped. The two zombies died nearly just as instant as Skatin did. FatSlayer lay in a million peices below. All at once, in a form of regrouping, Mindcrime and his crew began to band together outside. Much to their surprise, a great explosion occured and thereafter appeared the one and only Teletype. Teletype, master of the prism.net demension, offered them safe haven and a place to rest their wounds until they could help the rest of the crew. However, the battle would come too quick. They would have surely died if not for Teletype's help. +----- - --+ Cerkit reached the area of 908. With him was Belial, Edi and Hal08, who, for some odd reason, made it to 215 just in time. Upon reaching 908, Cerkit and Belial split from Hal08 and headed for Pip the Angry Youth's house and sent Hal08 to Ilsundal's. Ffej drove by the Troc on several occasions. However, Mogel was not there to meet him. Cerkit and Belial found themselves on the door step of Pip the Angry Youth. "Ding! Dong!" "Ding! Dong!" The door bell rang throughout the house, and then finally the familiar face of Pip the Angry Youth fell into view. He looked dead tired, almost as if he had not slept a wink. "Pip, 'tis I Cerkit. I have a story to tell you, a story you will not believe. Put on a fresh pot of ass, and let us tell you the tale as you dress; as without a doubt you must join us." +----- - --+ From the shadows, Pryz watches, petting Snuffkin, awaiting his return -- once the battles have been settled. Having safe haven, a small safe place next to Sliver, who is making soup for the crying, scared and worried Airborn and Scrap. (who still blame themselves for all of this.) +----- - --+ Meanwhile, at the house of Ilsundal. "Come on Ilsundal! Wake your ass up! There's a war going on! We need you." cohersed Hal08. "Shut the hell up, Erik -- alot!" mouthed the sleeping Ilsundal. "Okay, okay, I'm up. Give me five minutes." Ilsundal is divinely inspired by the force of the slinky and in remembering his dreams for the past few weeks of wars. "Okay, there's some stuff you need to know..." Hal08 continued with the entire story as Ilsundal prepared himself. +----- - --+ Back at Pip's. "And so... we must strike back, lest we die." Cerkit ended. "Amazing... but how do we attack the slinkys if they are so powerful?" asked Pip. "That is unknown to me. We must venture this unaided, it must come from us... somehow... we will be triumphant." Cerkit concluded once again. "Cerkit, Pip, look at the computer!" Belial exclaimed. There, inside the monitor, was a picture of Hal08 and Ilsundal heading towards a car. Hal08 stood a few feet away, completly by instinct, and all at once threw his hands towards the car, holding his wallet open. From the wallet of Hal08 pour thousands of ascii codes, so many as to break the windows of the car. Ilsundal reached into his pockets and pulled free some pocket lint. Speaking in elven tongue he mouthed a lintish spell. "Gold to payith elven fees, now from lint into car keys!" he shouted. When he reopened his hands, car keys appeared. "See, that's how it's done, Hal08," Ilsundal spoke, "easier, quieter, and more effective." "I guess." Hal08 shruged with disappointment. Meanwhile both questioned themselves as to how their powers came, but quickly found that it mattered little, as the new found power would come in handy. They drove towards Pip's. At that point the three headed out the door, towards the recognized street that Hal08 and Ilsundal drove down. They met shortly thereafter. Cerkit ripped from his bag a map and headed to Lucifer's. Upon obtaining Lucifer they headed towards Creed's, who at present couldn't join the battle. At this point Belial's bag began beeping. It was the Slinky Mobile Unit. "Beep! Beep! Beep!" Belial clearly could see, once he opened it that Mogel was TTY talking him, however, Belial knew no such connection could of been made, as they were fone-line-less in the car. All the same the TTY talk was occuring. And so, Belial answered it. +----- - --+ Belial! Yes Mogel, is that you? It is, the slinky hath given us such abilites. Great and all, but we're busy. Hehe, what's up! Just letting you know, you may run into some resistence... and, we'll be heading towards the Kennedy Space Station tommorow, something weird happened to Tao and Murmur -- I'll explain later. Just wanted you to have those infoes, catch ya on tha flip side. EOF +----- - --+ During the slinky's transport to Kennedy, its alien brothers, sent a bad sector to it, at just the right time to "chinc" him. He reached the space center notted up. He begged for mercy and called upon all his powers and resources to bring him a savior. Sharon and Kurdt soon appeared. Kurdt consoled the slinky while Sharon worked the "chinc" out. She was quite skilled at doing such, and it was her healing hand that would save the world. He wisked the two off to a safe haven, with Mindcrime and the others, as Kris was a lover, not a fighter, and Sharon was not empowered beyond her healing abilities enough to be in "The Stand". +----- - --+ Around the same time as Cerkit REACHED 908, Mogel, Rattle, Tao, Morph, and Murmur sat collecting items such as food and drink, and began discovering their own powers. While Mogel was gathering up all the ramen he could find, Tao and Murmur sat in the kitchen looking at each other rather strangely. Morph pointed out neither had spoken in a while. "Hey you two dumbasses haven't said shit in a long ass fucking while." he said. Tao and Murmur all of sudden stood up and headed towards each side of the room. They looked and each other and made odd sounding noises, grunts and worried twitches. They slid their feet back like ramming bulls and at the same time ran towards each other, leaping into the air and meeting head first. When they hit the ground they began melting into each other. Seconds later a single being, much larger then Tao or Murmur, stood, cracked his knuckles and looked at Mogel and said: "Station!" it said. He stuck his thumbs up and giggled. The now foursome ran into the living room and to the door and outside into the Tlorahian, where they were geeted by bF and Jamesy. "Mogel... Mogel... Mogel... what's your rush?" Jamesy said. "Yeah, I brought Jamesy for a visit." bF sinisterly implied. Rattle noticed a few corpses laying a street up from Mogel's house and used that as a diversion. "Holy shit! Look, dead people!" bF's dark eyes glared at the bodies happily, as did Jamesy's. Diverting their attention, prompted the three's enterance into the Tlorahian. Jamesy formed his hands into liquid metal crow bars and jumped and the driving away car. He was dragged for several blocks. In the hysteria, Morph pulled out his AK, and shot Jamesy whose arm gave way, leaving parts of the claw dug into the trunk. Morph quickly removed the claw, throwing backwards out of the now broken window. Jamesy met up with the part of him left behind. bF drove up just behind him. "Get in, we know where they're going. They won't get far. We must mount our forces as well." bF convincingly stated. +----- - --+ Meanwhile, Kojak, Eerie and Fake Scorpion had met up on a spur-of-the- moment idea to flee the planet, in hopes of saving themselves. Eerie of course would be the communications expert of their mission, Fake Scorpion, the leader, and Kojak the Spock-like character. However, three OTHER stooges had a similar idea -- Phorce, Hooch and Bighurt. All three made a run for the border at the White Sands launch pad, not realizing of eithers existence. As Fake Scorpion noticed the three Yolk members, he immediately ordered they fire and take them out. A gun battle began to ensue. Phorce fired viocously in retort. Bighurt aimed his "AK" at the head of DTO member Eerie, who didn't notice he was open to such an attack. A few pop sounds later, Eerie lay dead. "Fuck!" Fake Scorpion explained. "Kojak, make a run for the launch area." he ordered. "Yes, sir!" he replied as he ran towards the launch bay. Nearing the shuttle arena, Fake Scorpion turned around and fired his sawed-off shotgun outward, just randomnly behind him, hoping to slow them down. it hit Phorce, who dropped dead instantly. Continuing their march, Bighurt and Hooch ran for the shuttle bay -- just steps behind Fake Scorpion and Kojak. Kojak made it into the plane. He tossed his small pistol to Fake Scorpion, who had fired his last shell just before. He freed a whole clip at Bighurt and Hooch. Bighurt bit the dust. FS, in an attempt to drag Hooch as far from the shuttle as possible, and then make a run for it, while Kojak prepared it for take-off, led Hooch to another broken down, large shipping plane in the hanger. Once inside he hid in a pile of clothes that were laying on the floor. Hooch ran in, pulled out a grenade and laughed hideously. FS jumped from withunder and took three quick shots, dropping the grenade weilding Hooch, who was pulling the pin free. Hooch began bleeding to death and laughing. FS realizing the grenade was about to blow, jumped up and in doing so, entangled himself. Running with all his effort, which was only in short stepped stride, he made it to just before the door, when "boom!" -- explosion. Kojak immediately took off. Kojak's shuttle got caught a mysterious time warp which landed him on Planet Slinky where he shared the "big*geek" zine idea with them, and lived much like a slave. +----- - --+ Back in 908. Cerkit, Belial, Edi, Pip, Hal08, and Ilsundal headed towards Kennedy, each discussing their powers. "Belial, you say you saw an old black woman in your dreams?" cerkit mouthed. "Yes, she was in the corn fields telling me about Colorado" Belial replied. "Shutup, Marc." answered Lucifer. "Uh-huh-huh, okay." Belial replied. "Lookout!" cerkit screamed. Ilsundal swirved out of the way as Creed stood in the road. Creed laughed sinisterly and headed towards the stuck car. "Shit! We're stuck in some kind of slick or mud or something..." Ilsundal reported. "Goddamn, this is k-lame, gimme my shot." Lucifer hoppd out of the car and headed towards Creed. "Lets see what you got punk-ass beyotch!" Lucifer yelled. Lucifer conjured a fireball and released it towards Creed, who without effort excreted a yellowy sticky substance, the same substance which was holding the cars motion. "Guys... he's shooting Lucifer with Yolk" Belial explained. "Amazing..." Cerkit remarked. Lucifer was soon covered. Hal08 leaped from the car. "Hey, Creed, try this on for size!" Hal08 with that, blasted from his wallet thousands of ascii codes at Creed, which, badly aimed and not accurate to begin with, left Creed unscaved. Creed slicked the ground in front of the running Hal08 who soon slipped and fell, knocking himself out cold -- again. "It's time to shake some style... with Belial, Creedy" Belial explained as he shot out of the sun roof. elial reached into the sky and yelled, "Your power's combined... I am Captain Scene!" Belial called upon the power of Blade and he was then armed with a large ansi saber. He defeated Creed most triumphantly, but did not kill him, as Creed melted into Yolk, and was regenerating himself. Cerkit, Belial, and Ilsundal collected the defeated Lucifer and Hal08 and freed the car, continuing on their way. Pip the Angry Youth was awakened by this but soon returned to his sleeping state as the car rode on. Cerkit and Mogel's parties met in Georgia and by then more than 90% of the worlds population had been wiped - a few remained that were not part of the war, but they would die. Mogel explained Tao and Murmur's "joining" and their run-in with bF and Jamesy. At that point, Cerkit thereby explained there run-in with Creed. Morph purchased a great deal of taco's at the Taco Bell and the grand meeting took place. +----- - --+ Neko lay in jail awaiting his trial date, which would not come becuase of the plague having wiped out all of those in the jail. He lay there, trapped dying of starvation. Not far from there was Juke, who was busy enjoying the happy life of a frisbee catch with his dog, Chocolate. Miles away, Sed watched TV. Neko found a rat in his cage several days later, which he killed and began eating. Piece by peice, day by day, the evil slinky's waited for Neko to crack, but he didn't, he stood tall and died for his fellow 'zine members. Juke enjoyed several days and nights humping his dog, Chocolate, in peace for once. Sed, just as the air-time for the 60 Minutes "Who's U4ea" peice was coming on, died of the plague. Ending three more peices to the puzzle, and taking three more allies from the good slinky away. Juke died of a heart attack from so much sex. +----- - --+ Somewhere in Indiana. "Haha, fools... they shant defeat, I, Mercuri, master of Rad.org and all that which is _RAD_." Mercuri shouted with an evil grin on his face. "beep!" "Oh, a message from Skooter, eh? He is a member of the dark side also? How impossibly great! Muhaha! The plan of the dark slinkys shall not fail." Mercuri headed out the door, kissing the heads of his decaying parent's bodies, to meet up with Skooter, and to travel to Las Vegas, where he would meet with Dead Cheese, Crank, bF, Jamesy, and Gaurdian. +----- - --+ At the Vermont home for the elderly, Sratte and Gweedz sat. Swapping past stories about 'zinedom and arguing over who had a better 'zine and/or computer. All at once, the good slinky appeared as it had years before in their youth. "Gentlemen," said the slinky, "it's about time we ended this." "What exactly is 'this' there, young wipper-snapper!" shouted Sratte. "Fag." the old Gweeds grumpily barked. "You's two must allow yourselves to be one, with me, the slinky. Us three must mentally bind and as one, be effient enough to save the 'zine scene and the world." the slinky explained. They both refused and made fun of the slinky, who inturn destroyed their bodies captured their souls and all the power therein. +----- - --+ Upon reaching Kennedy Space Center, Mogel and Cerkit addressed the slinky. "Slinky, we have done what you asked. We have met you here. We have fought our way through the dead lands and now await your next request. If we are to save humanity... have we failed? As many if not all are dead." Cerkit and Mogel put together. "No, no. My children, you have not failed... Those people were not worth surviving, they would have died in the war -- only pawns to use against your kind souls by the dark slinkys and their forces. You will rebuild your society once you have rid the world of the dark slinkys and their minions, who, would have turned on you, had they the oppurtunity" the slinky expelled. The slinky explained the war that was coming and each member slowly drifted off to sleep. Their dreams were filled with visions of pain and death, all too real, to prepare them for what was coming. Cerkit, Belial and Pip, who had been sleeping throughout the travelling, awoke first and made breakfast. The fire that started woke everyone else. the slinky directed each member to the space shuttle where they packed and made preparations for lift off. Once everything was ready, the slinky directed Mogel to have all of the members load just the necessities of a few days travel unto the two cars. Cerkit and Mogel were then prompted to pick a team to attack the few minions the dark slinkys had gathered. The slinky saw fit, despite cerkit's dislike for involving her, and summoned Metal Chick. Cerkit, for fear of her safety, made clear to the slinky he wished otherwise. However, the slinky explained she would be safe. Against; Creed, bF, Crank, Dead Cheese, Styx, Skooter, Mercuri, and Jamesy. Cerkit and Mogel put; Belial, Mogel, Metal Chick, Ilsundal, Rattle, Tao and Murmur, Cerkit, and Pip. The rest lay behind taking care of any other jobs required them. The team set out for Las Vegas, as directed by the slinky to defeat the minions so they could move on and destory the on-coming slinky empire. Forced by time, they moved swiftly and reached the location without incident. Upon such they found a growing empire of evil-do'ers. Without warning Mercuri and Skooter ran towards Mogel. "Mogel, look out!" Cerkit predicted to late. Skooter disappeared and reappeared behind Mogel. Mercuri pushed mogel, and a school-boy trip effect occured. Mogel didn't get up. This worried Cerkit. "That's it, you two fucking idiots, it's time to take care of you." Cerkit exclaimed. Cerkit donned a purple mask, and freed his beige box from its holster. "Come and get it." he said. Skooter and Mercuri ran towards him. Cerkit lept into the air flipped over Mercuri, quickly lashing him in the head with the box, while spin kicking Skooter on his way to the ground. Skooter was the first to his feet. Cerkit introduced him to the ground quickly with a forward punch, a kick to the groin, following up with a solid swipe with the beige box. Skooter disappeared. Mercuri regained balance and ran at Cerkit. Cerkit dodged, fell low, and swept mercuri off his feet once again. Mercuri landed unsoftly on the ground, crying in agony. Cerkit finished him with a great downward smash to the cranium. Mercuri layed dead. Belial headed towards the fortress gates, built at the city's enterance. Ilsundal pulled Mogel back to the car and decided he would stay with him and use his elven magic to try and heal him. Jamesy dripped out of a nearby sewer and formed into a humanoid, however, a rather large one. Pip decided to take care of Jamesy. "Hey Jamesy, I've been waiting for this moment a long time." Pip explained, "it's time you and I battled!" Jamesy looked puzzled. "It takes two to tango!" he submitted with wit. Pip roared with angst and dove into the air. Jamesy joined him and the two clashed. Pip and Jamesy rolled on the ground, back and forth, mindlessly arguing and fighting hand-to-hand combat. Pip mostly used his angst to sustain the hits and continue. "Go! I can take care of him! Move on!" Pip worded while in the midst of knocking Jamesy down. Belial, Cerkit, Metal Chick, Tao, Murmur, and Rattle headed futher into the fortress. Crank came from the shadows weilding some ray gun, apparently of slinky technology. She fired three quick shots, all of which Metal Chick absorbed by diving in front of them. "I'm indestructable, lame ass bitch, as I am made of metal." she hissed. The two began to smack each other and pull each other's hair once Crank had been unarmed. Cerkit, Belial, Tao, Murmur, and Rattle moved on. Dead Cheese and Styx came next. They looked rather powerful. Styx and Dead Cheese spoke, "Wonder Twin powers activate," they said in unison. "Form of an ice crowbar." said Dead Cheese. "Form of an elephant." said Styx. The two quickly turn into the items they described. Tao and Murmur looked at the other and stated: "station". The others headed off. In the backround jamesy's head could be heard being smacked repeatedly against the ground by Pip. Tao and Murmur battled the elephant with an ice crowbar well, however, died in the battle, taking with them Styx and Dead Cheese. Jamesy in an attempt to escape Pip turned to molten metal and slicked into the Crank/Metal Chick battle field. Just then, Metal Chick was hip-tossing Crank and she landed in the molten metal. Pip aided Metal Chick back to the car, as she had suffered several wounds. Back at the car, Ilsundal was defending the sleeping Mogel from Creed. Once supported by Pip and Metal Chick, defeated and killed Creed. At that point the three noticed that Mogel was gone. Cerkit, Belial, and Rattle were at this point being battered by Black Francis - horribly. Black Francis unleashed several punches unto Cerkit who fell roughly to the ground. Rattle's foolish rage cost him his life. However, when he headed towards bF, Black Francis threw the wounded Rattle into the air and off his feet by holding him in air by his neck. Suddenly the soul of Rattle was stripped from his body... and swallowed up by Black Francis. "Come and get it, Belial." stated Black Francis evily. Belial knew what he had to do. He summed the power of Blade, and headed towards Black Francis. Black Francis issued several hard kicks to Belial, which Belial semi-defended against. In the end, however, belial was vanquished and wounded. He still breathed, however, when Cerkit reached his feet. "Frannie, for that you will die." said Cerkit. Frannie laughed hideously, his face growing red with rage. "See now, lame Cerkit, my true face!" Frannie screamed. Frannie's body exploded to reveal another larger body... the body of cDc's Demonseed. Just then, Mogel appeared next to Cerkit. "Now you face us both, foolish one." Mogel began. Mogel used his mental powers and carved phear into the mind of Demonseed/bF. Finally, the mental attack prooved worthy. Cerkit took advantage of this and beat the living shit out of demonseed/bF. Once completely destoryed, Mogel fell to his knees in exhaust. Cerkit rushed to his aid. "Mogel... What is happening to you?" asked Cerkit. "I have out lived my youth, dear Cerkit... It seems I have used the last of my power's... There is no more in this world for me. You must lead the party to defeat the slinkys... and begin a new world." Cerkit carried the dying Mogel to the car, where he met the others. By then, Mogel was dead. They buried Mogel and headed towards the base. Upon their return, good news was announced. The slinkys called off the war, after hearing the news that Demonseed was destoryed. Cerkit and his band of 'zines homies said their goodbyes to the slinky, who was going home to share what he had learned of the human race with his culture, now that we had proved ourselves. With Mogel and a lot of the members of dto dead, Belial, Metal Chick, Pip, and Cerkit were left to start Slinky off with the philoso- phy for the human race, and well... they also had to have enough sex, to create another human race. The end. +--- ----------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ Dear High Exalted One, Good news from the front! We have defeated the Booladoon resistance. Their armies have been crushed and thouroughly decimated (Much like the hopes of the Booladoon people)! We have made the first step in your quest for world domination. It is truly a proud day for our nation. Now we are on our way to Belgianaria, the next country on our "Map of Conquest". We have heard that their military is weak and full of limp wristed panty wastes worthy only of being crushed by our iron hands of triumph. Death to our enemies! Long live our divine leader!!! Humbly yours, General Ickvansteinenhammer + eof +--------- - --------------------------- - - ---------+ And on to a whole new Legacy.. .