.x$$$$$$$$x.                                     .d$$$$$$$$$$$$b.
      .x$$$$$$$$$$$$$$xx.                               .d$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$b.
    .$$$$$$$P^'`^4$$$$$$$$x                           .d$$$$$$P^'   `^4$$$$$b,
   .$$$$$$P'       `^4$$$$$$                          $$$$$$$'          `$$$$'
   $$$$$$P             $$$$$x                         $$$$$$P
   $$$$$$b              `$$$$.        x$$$$$$$$x      $$$$$$b
   $$$$$$$b.             `$$$'      x$$$$$P4$$$$$x    $$$$$$$b.
   `$$$$$$$$bx.                   .$$$$$P'  `4$$$$$.  `$$$$$$$b.
    `$$$$$$$$$$$$bxx..           .$$$$$P      4$$$$$.  `$$$$$$$$b.
      `$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$bx.       $$$$$P        4$$$$$   `4$$$$$$P'
        `4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$bx.   $$$$$b        d$$$$$   d$$$$$$P'
           `4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  `$$$$$b      d$$$$$'  d$$$$$$P'
              `4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$  `$$$$$b.  .d$$$$$'  d$$$$$$$'
                 `$$$$$$$$$$$$$$    `$$$$$bd$$$$$'    $$$$$$$P  mu?   x$$$$bx
                  `$$$$$$$$$$$$'      `$$$$$$$$'      $$$$$$$b       d$' `$$$x
                   4$$$$$$$$$$'                       `$$$$$$$$bx..  ``'.xd$$$
  .               d$$$$$$$$$'      .xxd$$$$$bxx.       `$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P'
  $.            d$$$$$$$$$'     .xd$$$$$$$$$$$$$$bx.    `4$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$P'
  $$b.       .d$$$$$$$$$'   .xd$$$$$$P^'   `^4$$$$$$$bx.   `4$$$$$$$$$$$$P'
  $$$$bx..xd$$$$$$$$$$'   .d$$$$$$'            `4$$$$$$bxx.              ..x$.
   $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$'   .$$$$$P'                  `4$$$$$$bxx.       .xd$$$$$'
    `4$$$$$$$$$$P'     $$$P^'                        `4$$$$$$$$$xxx$$$$$$$P'
                                                        `4$$$$$$$$$$$$P^'
                                                           `^4$$$$P^'

                   Sloths over Ethiopia #0055 $ July 11, 1999
           Sloths over Ethiopia is now part of Westphalia Enterprises

  $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$

  Our readers will recall that in Sloths over Ethiopia #0054 we began a series
  on major issues in keyboarding playing.  We left off in the middle of a rant
  by Swedish keyboardist Jens Johansson about what he fucking hates in today's
  keyboarding world.

  $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$
                                             
  * using
    - weak (or no!) melodic ideas
    - weak rhythmic ideas, or NO rhythmic ideas
    Whatever happened to ideational content!? What the fuck!? Has the whole
    world gone mad!? Some advice: Let your ears do the thinking for you, not
    your fingers. If your mind and ears are not clear on what your actually
    playing, but your fingers are, chances are you're what is known in
    technical parlance as "a wanker". Muscle memory has its place, of course,
    in the hands of some lunatic (Yngwie or Shawn Lane, say) that's actually
    bothered to practice more than, say, five lame finger patterns. On
    keyboards, there's really no mechanical limit on how fast to press the
    keys down in sequence. But which keys? Therein lies the rub. Anyway, the
    speed issue leads me to:
  * I'm sick of people trying to play 20 notes/second without getting the
    joke (the mechanics of the cochlea has the last laugh on you!) (When I
    talk about 20 notes/sec I'm talking sequentially or "horizontally", here,
    of course) ...it just becomes a blur.
  * Horrible lead synth sounds. What's this about spectral content? Do we
    need harmonics in the range above 8 kHz? Are a lot of dogs going to
    listen to your solos? No idea what I'm talking about? Listen carefully to
    some real instruments. (If you've had to mix a record or two, things
    become clearer, in both senses!)
  * Using a sequencer and passing it off as a real playing. Please! I'm sick
    of it! You're not fooling anyone! This joke died in 1985. It was replaced
    by this, much funnier, one: "Q: how many keyboard players does it take to
    screw in a light bulb? A: None! They have machines that do that
    nowadays." As someone who built my first (software based) sequencer in
    1981, I should know this: fiddling with your solos is a dead end. You
    won't be any happier. And neither will the poor listeners. And you won't
    be fooling anyone. Hey, least of all me.

  $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$

            The conclusion to Mr. Johansson's rant and a response by
          another famed musician appear in Sloths over Ethiopia #0056.

  $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$

                   Sloths over Ethiopia #0055 $ July 11, 1999
           Sloths over Ethiopia is now part of Westphalia Enterprises
                       www.jobbers.org/Soe -- coming soon
              Visit our temporary web home at at eat.ourfamily.com

   Sloths over Ethiopia has been made potable by the life of Soe Myint Naing.

  $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$$ $$ $$$ $$$ $$$