>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>> >>> >>>>>>>> <<< <<<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< Vol. 2, Iss. 6 >>> >>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>> 05 JAN 02 <<< <<<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< <<< >>> >>>>>>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Polymemetic File One -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- ) )-0----)00(----0-( ( ( -------------------------- ) +-0-=0+ THE UBIQUITOUS EDITORIAL +0=-0-+ ( -------------------------- ) ) )-0----)00(----0-( ( ---- The meeting was going badly. By the look on the faces of my dissemination officers, I realized I shouldn't have started off with the "duck theory": "I also think that any scene in a movie, no matter how dramatic, is automatically made into a brillant comedic work of art when a duck is added to the scene. If the death scene of Hamlet had a few ducks running around, it would really take care of that whole annoying tragedy thing. Not that 'Howard the Duck' was funny. The problem there was that the movie was about a duck. A duck should be appreciated in a movie like the bottom notes of a good perfume. Not like 'LOOK! DUCK!', but like 'Ah, yes! A duck. Brilliant.'" S1 Charrest and S1 Tyra shifted in their seats nervously. I'd failed to catch their imaginations. I thought of all the new changes I was trying to install into TCAHR. I blurted out the first thing I could think of just to stop the heavy silence. "I have a new project," I announced. I don't know why I said it. I blame divine madness or the six martinis plus the line of coke I had before they came into the office. They perked right up though. It had been awhile since TCAHR had done an actual project. Now I had to pull an idea out of my ass. "Yeah, I was thinking of the new writing style. I'm generating a lot of material. I figured I could make create a textfile project. I take the last issue, the TCAHR manifesto (http://maq.port5.com/disman.html), and any issue done in the new style and put them together in one large textfile." "What's the point of that?" sneered Charrest. "It will be a place where all of the TCAHR philosophies, memes, and personal stories will be together. It will be small at first, but eventually we will have a textfile large enough to support life based on the doctrines of TCAHR! An ASCII-based planet in full control of the Evil Memetic Empire! MUAH-HA-HA!" "You're a fucking idiot, Jet." I ignored Charrest and look into the brilliant, wicked, and lethal Tyra's eyes. "Tyra," I began. "You believed in me once. I would make you the Eve of a new world, but first I have to know. Do you still trust in me?" She sighed and told me I needed a girlfriend. I smiled and gave her my most seductive wink. She shuddered and screamed "UGH! AS IF I WOULD EVER GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE, YOU VILE MOTHER FUCKER!" Words were said. Guns were drawn. The mutiny began. And with that brilliant segue, I announce the beginning of the polymemetic textfile project (http://maq.port5.com/polymemetic.txt) and the following entries designed to prove how much I know about women to all the guys. At the same time I will prove to all women that I don't know a fuckin' thing about 'em! Jet Jaguar TCAHR CEO ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I. The Objectifcation of Men II. Return of the Sexual Woman III. The Barefoot and Pregnant Conspiracy IV. Hold Off On the Sperm ---------------------------------------------------------------------- I. The Objectifcation of Men Perfect world scenario: A tribe of humans, an abundance of food and no danger from other humans or wild animals. What would be the deciding factor on how men and women choose their mates? The answer is easy: the same way men do now. Left to our own devices, us humans are a vain and self-gratifing lot. Whole religions and philosophies have been wiped out for not being attractive enough. What we believe to be pretty captures our imaginations much more readily. How many ugly personifications of goodness can you readily name from the world's religions? We tend to forget the "awful" truth that we are sexual animals. Nothing like analysing the sexualization of our highest concepts of morality to bring light to our egocentric nature. The manipulations of society has cast the role of the provider upon the male of the species. With this role comes the pressure and advantages of higher income potential. In our imperfect world, men live the above perfect world scenario. Being able to afford security, men are free to sniff about and choose their mates on the prettiest face and firmest ass. Women don't have that luxury. Established memetics concepts are hard to change. The male-as-provider meme is outdated in this age. There's no need for the great male hunter-gatherer to use his mighty upper body strength to defend the cave from tigers and wolves. However, that doesn't make it any less powerful. If someone is playing the role of provider, someone else is playing the role of providee. Ever wonder why the "sexiest" women mesh so well with the richest men? No, you haven't. You know why. Anna Nicole Smith is flashing through the minds of some of you right now. So if any of you men get the feeling that some women are checking out your wallet when looking at your ass, don't worry about it. There are reasons. It's not gold-digging, it's not that she's a whore, and it's not that she's materialistic. It's survival. Isn't that the meaning of human existence? II. Return of the Sexual Woman I know, I know. I just painted a bleak picture of hetrosexual relationships. All sex based on barter for financial security. Don't worry, when it comes to expression I believe that all tragic things must be given a fold of hope. I don't paint a problem without painting a solution as well. With the solution I'm thinking off, the financial security aspect of sex would disappear. To be quite honest, it has already begun. But if the meme I'm thinking of would overthrow the male-as-provider meme, women would be free to make the same boneheaded decisions as men in choosing sexual partners. Which pretty much boils down to is women being more free to say things like "Hey, Lisa! Check out the lump on that him-bo!" without their virtues, femininity, and upbringing being brought into question. It's so easy you're going to love it: full financial equality! If you want sexuality on honest terms, you must being on a level playing field. If women can make the same amount as men and are not socially penalized for doing it, there's no need for her to look for the male-as-provider. Simple, right? No. III. The Barefoot and Pregnant Conspiracy Financial equality for women will never happen unless emotional equality is achieved first. This is the part where I would launch into a well-detailed analysis of the memes that hinder emotional equality... But there are so many freakin' many of them! Instead, I'm going to play a game of dialog that may directed at someone as she goes from girl to woman: "No, no. Leave that alone. That's for boys, not little girls." "A proper young lady doesn't talk that way." "It's important for a woman to know how to cook." "Eve made Adam eat that apple." "Girls should never hit." "I can't wait for the day you give me grandchildren." "You would be so pretty if you would just wear a little bit more make-up." "You should diet. No one likes a chubby girl." "Are you going out dressed like that?" "You should find yourself a successful man." "College is a great place to find a husband." "Loosen up, you're too uptight." "You would do it if you loved me." "You're my wife and a wife shouldn't act like that." "You should stay home and raise them. You would make a great mother." "You're supposed to do the cleaning and cooking. I do the real work." "She wouldn't act that way if you worked less." "You shouldn't let your daughter play with boys toys." Now repeat in a condesending voice ad nauseum...for a lifetime. IV. Hold Off On the Sperm I'm personally against breeding, but I'm resolved to the fact that it happens. I can only hope that teenage girls don't fall for the whole "baby-making equals love" fallacy. There's no quicker way to damn as least two lives. As you can probably tell by now, I'm a big proponent of the survival- reproduction school of evolution. Survival, in my mind, comes first. I believe that early pregnancies greatly reduce the quality of a woman's aspect of survival. Unlike the mainstream that says just don't do it, I actually have reasons to share. I wrote above that the quickest way to more freedom for women was financial equality. For a teenage mother with no education and no trust fund, a baby may as well be a chain around her neck. If the sperm donor sticks around, she has to deal with a load of other problems. If she finds herself single, get ready for the sexual fun and games I described in section I. It's manipulation for survival time. Don't be surprised if men begin to avoid you like the plague. Meeting a single mother at the club turns on our warning sensors faster than anything you've ever seen! I, the great sensitive Jaguar, has been known to slide under dancing couples, slide under beefy bouncers, and overturn tables full of drinks to escape a daddy-hunter! Not that having a husband or boyfriend around automatically solves anything. Without an education and/or stable career of her own, many women find themselves at the whims of their husbands. Check out the batch of losers on any talk show dealing with spousal abuse or adultery. I'll take the odds that the wife will say she's staying for the kids. What a miserable life it must be to catch an ass-beating for someone else! Even worse, what if the "male provider" skips out? Now there's a child to feed. How do you deal? An education would take too long and McDonald's isn't going to pay the bills. Time to lower your standards and find someone with money. If you insist on still reproducing at a young age believing that a baby will fill your life with love, think of my experiences as the son of a teenage mother. I've been through four of my mother's marriges; one to an alcholic, another to a gigalo, and one to a violent drug dealer. I've been slapped around and emotionally crippled by a mother suffering from depression. My mother tried to kill me in a murder-suicide when I was a baby. When the gigalo left one morning, my mother married the drug dealer to stay afloat. I've had to hide from rival drug dealers after my step-father. My brothers have been kidnapped before in a failed ransom attempt. I started supporting my family at the age of 17 after the drug dealer went to jail. No school for the kid placed at the top 10% of the nation's brightest children most of his life. I ended up carrying a rucksack on my back for the U.S. Army. I came back to civilian life and still ended up supporting my family instead of finishing college. Now how much love do you think I have for my mother? I haven't mentioned any of the really foul, sad, and gruesome stuff because this isn't about me. I'm just making a point. Do you want your children to grow up to be angry, mean-spirited pricks? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Committee Against Human Rights -- http://maq.port5.com TCAHR Manifesto -- http://maq.port5.com/disman.html The Polymemetic Textfile Project -- http://maq.port5.com/polymemetic.txt -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- tcahr@hotmail.com Copyright 2002