.x#$$#x. `:$$$$:' The Game Review! .x%#$$$$$$#%x. .x#$$$$#x. .x#$$$#x. `""""$$$$""""' .S$$$$$$$$S.$$$$$$$$$Ss $$$$.sS$Ss.$$$$ $$$$$`$$$$ $$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$',$$$$ $$$$$$$$$$$ """"`$$$$ $$$$$$ $$$$$$$$$ sS$Ss."$$$ $$$$$$ pn `-------------- $$$$$$$$$$$ ------------' $$$$$$$$'` ~VOTED #1 WAREZ MAG/REVIEW BY INTERNET USERS~ .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $$ ISSUE #23 $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ssss$$ $ o o$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ssss. $$ 05/19/96 $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$. $ ,$$ `$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$&@%o%@&hd' "All the games that are fit to print." Un-Releastic: "I have never played a game I didn't like." -Stu Pid Fewl Realistic : "This game sucks!" -Ionizer ____________ News Updates ============ -Please read the apology concerning remarks about Israel/Mexico in the corrections area. ============================================ HOW TO GET THIS MAGAZINE ON A REGULAR BASIS: -------------------------------------------- (WHERE and WHEN can I GET The Game Review? The Game Review (c) Ionizer, will) (be released every SUNDAY, and can be obtained by /m ionizer xdcc send #1) OR #1 My home page (New GFX, Java scroll, animated gifs) (Thanks to Agile & Ent) http://ns2.clever.net/~ionizer (Note: Contains all issues and is always up to date.) OR #2 E-Mail AUTO Responder (Thanks to Malk and Mael) Just write mail to tgr@inforelay.com . (Note: Only for the NEWEST TGR out.) NOTE: THERE IS NO MAILING LIST OF ANY KIND! =========================================== - * - * - * - * - * * - * - * - * - * - GAME REVIEWS, RATINGS, UN-BIASED OPINIONS, HELP/TIPS FOR INSTALLING GAMES! [][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][][] -Rating scale: (0-19)/100 = In a nutshell, it sucked! (20-39)/100 = Still crap but slightly better. (40-49)/100 = Possibly worth downloading. (50-69)/100 = Pretty decent game. Might want to check it out. (70-79)/100 = Worth the download if you like that type. (80-89)/100 = Very good, 9 outta 10 its worth the download. (90-99)/100 = Excellent game, a MUST download. 100/100 = HOLY SHIT I'VE NEVER SEEN A BETTER GAME! RATINGS are based on the game idea, graphics, sound, playability, ingenuity, versatility, and a lot of other words ending in `ity'. These games are based on what happens on MY COMPUTER ONLY, unless stated otherwise. I always first follow nfo directions, and if those don't work or are not available, I then try other ways. So just b/c it doesn't work for me, doesn't mean it won't work for you. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -<*><*> THE GAME REVIEW <*><*>- ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- ________________________/¯|__/| ___________ \___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_ | __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| / |___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\ +--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+ THE WAR COLLEGE (c) GameTek! [30/30] This game has a bunch of scenarios of wars you heard about in Social Studies, while you were sleeping. It has like Napoleon wars and stuff like that. It really sucks, it's only brag is that the map is sorta 3D-ish, but barely. You are given little line like forces and you just command their direction and stuff. Don't bother. RATING: 40/100 RAT RACE CD (c) DATA EXPRESS [xx/39] /\__ __ __________ _______ /\_____ ( \( \ ) \ __ ) L\ \ i \__ ____/ ) ___) ___/ as\ \___\ )__ / / ___/ ) er!\________/____/ (_______]__ /__/ Shit doesn't work. It needs the cd, and to label it, but you can't label a drive that've used fakecd or substituted for. Oh well, I guess we can't play his (I quote the laser.nfo): "This is one of the longest awaited sequels of all-time..." Haha, sure, whatever. RATING: NA/100 ________________________/¯|__/| ___________ \___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_ | __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| / |___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\ +--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+ LOONY LABYRINTH PINBALL for Windows [01/06] A one board pinball game with a bunch of ramps at the top. Nothing special, decent sound effects and music. Graphics are kinda small. Nothing new to us and it's not too bad. RATING: 46/100 STARBALL (c) GAMETEK [o3/o3] _ ________________________ _____ ________ _ \\_____ \_____ \_____ \/ . \\_____ \\ dZG/\ __// _ |/ ____/. | \/\ __/ _/ \ \/ /_ _/ /_ | ! _/ \ \ \____\ \______\_________|_____\____\ \_ =======\___/===ù1911ùCDùDIVISIONù======\___/ Well this one is a dupe of the game, but only difference is it's the floppy version. Here's a previous review: "Well, like Hybrid says, this pinball game pretty much blows. It looks very outdated and it's only one table. It just sucks, it's those single table pinball games where you try to move the ball up higher and higher w/ several pairs of flippers. Graphics are ugly and sound is pretty bad too. RATING: 27/100" /\. . ____ / >______. . _____.____ ____:. .: \ \ /_\___. \__::> /:\ Y /'96:. :: / . / \| __/ \:/ /__/ \ .: ./ \__/ " \ > " <______> \_/___>: `< /:<___\___>/___\___>. <_____>:. :. \/ .:. |/:. .:.mr! .:. .:: . BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN (c) PLAYMATES [X/9] Credit due to Prestige for this release, for they are the ones who really released this, but I don't have their diz. Supposively NPM took the crack ut of PST's release and then used it in theirs. Anyhow, this is another in the line of Virtua Fighter/FX Fighter types of games. It has a limited cast of characters however. And unlike FX fighter, they are all human. When you play for the first time, make sure you hit escape and go to options and add all the backgrounds/shading/gfx/etc, or else it'll look like crap. It's ok for these types of games, but it just lacks something, I can't place my dick right on it, but there's something about it. Otherwise, it's worth it. RATING: 66/100 The Clue (CD-rip) [xx/02] ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ [Droopy/UGR] ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ ÜÜÜ ÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜÜ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛÛ ÛÛ ÛÛÛÜÜÜÜ ßßßßßßßßß ßßßßßßßßß ßßß ßß ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ uLTIMATE GAME RELEASERs '96 [dOS/gAME]ÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄÄ[0515 1996] This one didn't want to work w/o a cd, but I didn't really make much of an attempt because frankLY, johnLY, mattLY, and all those, I didn't really even want to play this fucking old crap. If it's old, even if you claim it wasn't released, prolly cuz you were sucking on your mom's nipple when the shit act- ually came out, just keep it where it belongs, the garbage. RATING: NA/100 United Group International 1996 Presents: _________________________________________ / / / ______/ / / / / / \ ____/ 1985-96! / / / / / / it's who cw./ _/ / / / / we are.. __/__________/_________/____/____________ EXILE2: CRYSTAL SOULS FANTASY RPG [02/02] Lame RPG for win/win95. Nothing much to say, it's got ugly graphics, lame sound and it just sucks. (Wanna hear something funny? I didn't even unarj this one, but I bet my review is right on target!) Ok now I tried it, and I was right, it's a lame rpg. You move a little retarded figure around and pick up items and talk to dorks. It sucks, don't bother. RATING: 27/100 ________________________/¯|__/| ___________ \___ \ __ / __/ __/ / |/ ____/ __/_ | __/ _/ _/ _| \__ \ \/ / ) / _| / |___|\__\ \________ /___\__\__ \______\ +--------\___/÷e÷/aL!\/--------/_____\-----+ NORMALITY (c) GREMLIN INTERACTIVE 22/22 I dunno if you can describe this one. It's a Doom like atmosphere, but you move using the mouse and pick up items. You start off in some trashed up room of some `problem' kid. You pick up a bunch of shit, can make some coffee w/ glue. I just don't know what/how/where to go from the room though. I was able to use the bird thing with the remote, and I got every item I could. A walktrhough would be nice. One negative thing about this game is that the design sucks, like you have to click twice to do actions, and it barely works on the first click, and you end up clicking a million times before it actually does it. The game isn't all that fun, but it's something you might want to take a look at if you got the time. RATING: 52/100 Total Mayhem and Micro Machines Turbo Edition will be reviewed in next weeks TGR. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>THE GAME OF THE WEEK<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- This week's GOTW goes to PRESTIGE/NAPALM for both releasing BATTLE ARENA TOSHINDEN This is very similar to Virtua Fighter and FX Fighter. Make sure to addon all the options to make it look decent. If any move lists come out I'll be sure to include it. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>OTHER RELEASES<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- SU-27 Flanker Ascendancy Mind of a Killer Strife Minimized ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>UPCOMING RELEASE DATES<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -All projected dates are as of MAY 17TH 1996 and based on store release dates. This section is updated when available and I can only update it when the information is available, so don't tell me about it having old dates. Key to system types: DCD = DOS CD WCD = Windows CD MCD = Mac. CD W95CD = Win 95 CD M3 = Mac. Disk W3 = Windows Disk W953 = Win 95 Disk D3 = DOS Disk HCD = Mac./Windows CD Date | Name of Game | OS | Company ----------------------------------------------------------- 95/04/24 CYBER JUDAS IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE 96/05/15 TOTAL MAYHEM DCD FORMGEN 96/05/15 SETTLERS 2 DCD BLUE BYTE 96/05/16 CAS CHMP2PKR DCD INTRACORP,INC. 96/05/21 GRAND PRIX 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/05/21 LOST ADMRL II DCD AMERICAN LASER GAMES 96/05/22 ORIGIN PAK DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/05/22 BULL FROG PK DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/05/22 PTO II DCD KOEI 96/05/23 LST ADV LEGND DCD RANDOMSOFT 96/05/24 RENEGD:JACOB DCD MINDSCAPE 96/05/25 CHRON SWORD DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/05/28 LINKS LS DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/05/29 PRO PINBL:WEB DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/06/01 PELICAN HILL DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/06/01 CIV WAR MED DCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/06/01 SIMN SORCER2 DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/06/02 SHELLSHOCK DCD U.S. GOLD INC. 96/06/03 DRAGONLAIR2 DCD READY SOFT 96/06/03 AH-64D LNGBW DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/03 GENDERWARS DCD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/06 BIG HURT DCD ACCLAIM 96/06/07 PGA96:SAWGRS DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/07 MORTIMER DCD LUCAS ARTS 96/06/07 FINAL DOOM DCD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/10 WING COMM IV DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/15 HIND DCD INTERACTIVE MAGIC 96/06/15 ALIEN TRIL DCD DIGITAL PICTURES 96/06/15 BTLCRSR 3000 DCD TAKE 2 INTERACTIVE 96/06/15 MAGIC GATHER DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/06/18 AFTER LIFE DCD LUCAS ARTS 96/06/19 MEGA RACE 2 DCD MINDSCAPE 96/06/21 HARVESTER IBCD MERIT SOFTWARE 96/06/21 DUNGON KEEPR DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/24 MECH 2 NET DCD ACTIVISION 96/06/25 FIREFIGHT DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/28 SPACEHULK 2 DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/07/01 PINEHURST DCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/07/01 OVER REICH DCD AVALON HILL 96/07/20 AD&DCORERULESDCD TSR 96/08/01 JETFIGHTR III IBCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/08/01 WARHAWK DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/08/01 TWISTD METAL DCD SONY ELECTRONIC PUBLISH/ 96/08/01 MAST/ORION 2 DCD SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 96/08/01 METAL LORDS DCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/08/20 NEED SPEED SE DCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/09/01 VR BASEBALL DCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/09/01 GOLF NICK P DCD GT SOFTWARE 96/09/01 HIST WORLD DCD AVALON HILL 96/09/01 POWERSLAVE DCD PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT 96/11/15 RAW PURSUIT DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA 97/01/01 DEADLY SKIES DCD JVC COMPANY OF AMERICA 96/06/15 FTSY FBALL96 HCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/06/24 ELK MOON #1 HCD ACTIVISION 96/03/11 HOYLES CLASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/05/15 SHIVERS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/05/15 BAD MOJO MCD ACCLAIM 96/05/15 GOLF PK MAC MCD ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/05/20 ALONE TRIL MCD INTERPLAY PRODUCTIONS 96/05/27 HEXEN MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/05/28 CATZ MCD VIRGIN GAMES 96/06/01 PELICAN HILL MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/06/07 MORTIMER MCD LUCAS ARTS 96/06/18 AFTER LIFE MCD LUCAS ARTS 96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR MCD ACTIVISION 96/06/30 GAB KNIGHT 2 MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/07/01 TORIN'S PASS MCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/07/01 PINEHURST MCD ACCESS SOFTWARE 96/08/01 EMPIRE II MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/08/01 HERO MHT MGC MCD NEW WORLD COMPUTING INC. 96/08/23 9 MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/09/01 MORT KMBT 3 MCD GT SOFTWARE 96/03/05 DRUMBEAT M3 DEADLY GAMES 96/06/21 NETSCAPE NAV MAC VENTANA PRESS 96/05/20 BTLGRD3 WTRLO WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/05/21 WIZARDRY GLD WCD SIR TECH 96/05/21 WOOD SHIP MEN WCD AVALON HILL 96/05/22 BRAINSTORM WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/05/28 CATZ WCD VIRGIN GAMES 96/05/29 SCIFI TRIVIA WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/06/01 CIVIL WAR:LEE WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/10 WARHAMMR 40K MINDSCAPE 96/06/10 VOYEUR II WCD PHILIPS INTERACTIVE MEDIA 96/06/15 QST.GLORYCOLL.WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/15 HOYLE-BLKJAK WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/15 HOYLE-SOLITREWCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/19 MARLOW WCD SIMON & SCHUSTER 96/06/24 MUPPETS TRSR WCD ACTIVISION 96/06/30 FPS BASEBAL96WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/30 LIGHTHOUSE TCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/30 INDY CAR 2 HCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/30 URBAN RUNNER WCD SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/07/01 BTLGRD4 SHILH WCD ENTERACTIVE INTERNATIONAL 96/08/01 DAGGERFALL DCD BETHESDA 96/08/23 9 WCD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/01 EXPENSABLE2.0 W3 INTUIT 96/06/01 DUKE SCNSVR W3 FORMGEN 96/05/21 AMER CIVLWAR W5C INTERACTIVE MAGIC 96/05/30 CRL WP 7.0U W5C COREL SYSTEMS 96/06/01 DIABLO W5C DAVIDSON 96/06/01 MISSION FORC W5C SIERRA-ON-LINE INC 96/06/05 SIMISLE W5C MAXIS 96/06/10 ULT DOOM W95CD GT SOFTWARE 96/06/10 DOOM II W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/06/20 TRIP PLAY 97 W5C ELECTRONIC ARTS 96/06/25 CLOSE CMBT W5C MICROSOFT 96/07/15 STAR CONTR 3 W5C WEA VIDEO 96/08/01 HEXEN W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/08/15 MORT KOMBT 3 W5C GT SOFTWARE 96/09/01 MORTIFICATOR W5C PLAYMATES INTERACTIVE ENT 96/10/01 STR TRK GEN W5C SPECTRUM HOLOBYTE 97/01/01 MINDWARP W5C MAXIS ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CORRECTIONS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -I'd like to correct myself and apologize for the review on the comedy store game reviewed last issue. It was wrong for me to classify Mexico and/or Israel as "third world countries" since neither are one. I apologize to all. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>LEGAL MUMBO JUMBO<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- THIS MAGAZINE IN NO WAY WHATSOEVER, CONDONES THE PIRATING, STEALING, OR ANY OTHER ILLEGAL MEANS OF OBTAINING SOFTWARE. I AM IN NO WAY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS AS A RESULT OF READING THIS MAGAZINE, NOR HAVE I DONE ANYTHING ILLEGAL TO OBTAIN THE REVIEWED GAMES. IF YOU LIKE HOW THE REVIEW OF A GAME SOUNDS THEN BY ALL MEANS PURCHASE IT AND SUPPORT THE SOFTWARE COMPANY. ANY AND ALL MAGAZINE GROUPS HAVE PERMISSION TO USE THIS IN THEIR MAGAZINE, AS LONG AS IT HAS NOT BEEN EDITED IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, AND YOU HAVE OBTAINED MY WRITTEN EMAIL PERMISSION. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- <*>CLOSINGS<*> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- -That's it for this week, hope it was of help. -Ionizer (Game Reviewer /\ MLC/RZR/RoR/PNC/HST/MSQ Courier) Comments/Complaints send to ionizer@ns2.clever.net (NO QUESTIONS OR REQUESTS) .a$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$a. $$' . `$$' `$$ ' `$$' s `$$ $' $ $$ $ $$ a a $$ $ $$ $ $ssss$$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $ o $$ $$ $ $ $$ sssss$$ $. $ $$ $ $$ $ $ $$ $ $$ $$. $ ,$$ $ $$ $ $ $$. $ ,$$ $$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$ $$' o '$$$ $ $$' s `$$ `$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ $o $$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ $ $$ ~' o$$$$$ $$ $ $$$ $ $$ sssss$$ %. ^$$$$$ $$ $ $$$s s$$ $ $$ $$ $$$$$ $$. $ ,$$$$@. .@$$$. $ ,$$ $$ $$$$$ `$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&@%o%@&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$hd' Copyright 1996 Ionizer Inc. #167A939