Issue 0003: "CHICKS! CHICKS!"                        The Internet Sux
----------------------------------------------------------------------


I know. You know. Women, or chicks as they prefer to be called, are
quite hard to understand or figure out. Thats okay though. Why? WHY?
Cuz my friend, you have the loving support of Internet, or as they
call it in the US "The Internet", or as its called by those of us
"in the know"... well nevermind. If there are two things that were
made for each other they are a) the net and b) chicks.


---------------------------------------------------------------------
First things first.

Do you even know what a chick is? A lot of people think they do. A
lot of people think a lot of things... So just throw away your ideas
already implanted in your head because it is time to relearn the art
of being a man.

o If it is yellow, small and makes cute little sounds it is a chick.
  However it isn't the kind of chick you are after.
o If it has blonde hair and can barely spell the word, "Hi". Then
  you are on the right track.

Thats it. Those are the *only* two rules you need for figuring out
what is and what isn't a valid chick. It may seem a bit simple but
this is proven scientific fact. Don't question it.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
Scoring.

Okay now that you have properly identified what is and what isn't a
valid chick it is time to move on to the most important thing in the
life of the American Male. Scoring. Unlike other popular American
sports there are few points awarded in this system and you often
don't even have to compete against other men! Think of it more as a
solitary sport like a good game of windows solitare.

Now there are just a few simple facts you need to know before we
learn the proper techniques for picking up chicks.

o Chicks don't like to be called Lady or Ma'am. If you use any nice
  title you are no longer a valid target for her sexual frustrations.
  You have become instead what is the worst known thing a Male can
  be, a friend.
o Under no circumstances be nice. Again we are trying to avoid the
  uttering of the phrase "friend" echoing from her lips.
o Never walk around with more than $200 in your wallet. This will be
  explained later.

Techniques:

Now that you know how to treat a chick like a chick and what one is
here is the patented technique for getting laid.

o Proceed to a large city.
o Make sure you have some money in your wallet but not more than, 
  you got it, $200.
o Once in the large city proceed to a poor area.
o Get out of your car and walk up to the woman on the corner.
o Either she will ask or you will ask but you must use the next
  phrase correctly:
  "Hey, need a date?"
o Goto a hotel that rents by the hour.
o Have sex.
o Pay her.
o Leave the city.

Okay you have now scored. And look you didn't have to buy dinner or
anything else! This technique does work as I have witnessed it being
used on over 23,293 occasions. Please note that contrary to popular
belief there is no other technique valid for an internet user such
as yourself to score. Please stop trying the "other" methods used by
the normal members of society... you're scaring the ladies.

---------------------------------------------------------------------
The Internet Sux (0003)                   (c) 1997 y (juuri@well.com)
All references URLs are (c) their respective authors, or something.