______________  
                |  ___    ___  |                        
                | |_  |  |  _| |  ______           ______          
                |___| |  | |___| |_    _|        /        \
                      |  |         |  |         |   /----\/
                      |  |         |  |         |  | 
                      |  |         |  |         |  |    ___                 
                      |  |         |  |  __     |  |   <_  | Issue #:023    
                     _|  |_       _|  |_|  |    |   \___/  | Date:11\17\95         
                    |______|  () |_________| ()  \________/ ()               
                     _ / /                            \ \ _                      
                   / _ /     THE LONE GUNMEN Presents:  \ _ \                
                  | |                                      | |             
                  | |     How To Act Like A Total Jerk     | |
                  | |          Written By:  Mulder         | |               
                  | |                                      | |
                  | |                                      | |
                  |  \____________________________________/  |
                   \________________________________________/
                  


********************************STOP******************************************
*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that ***
*** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P ***
*** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
******************************************************************************


             Most people don't need any help when it comes to acting
             lame, but there's still a few Zorfs out there who could
             use a crash course:


             1: Signal left, turn right.
             2: Read other people's mail.
             3: If the mistake is in you favor,
                don't try to correct it.
             4: Use sexist innuendos to get 
                more attention.
             5: Stand-up your date.
             6: Slouch.
             7: Wear jeans to weddings.
             8: Park in the handicapped zone.
             9: Don't sing your checks.
            10: Remaind people that their 
                freckles could be cancerous.
            11: Peel out always.
            12: Tailgate the elderly.
            13: Let the phone keep ringing.
            14: Develop a truly foul mouth.
            15: Don't leave a message.
            16: Sleep until noon everyday.
            17: Sneer at people who try hard.
            18: Don't vote.
            19: Pledge cash you won't send.
            20: Argue with everybody.
            21: Touch paintings in museums.
            22: Record ocer borrowed tapes.
            23: Nurture conspiracy theories.
            24: Gamble with reny money.
            25: Stay directly in front of or
                behind emergency vechicles.
            26: Cross at the red or yellow.
            27: Don't make up your mind.
            28: Toss things out the window.
            29: Talk with your mouth full.
            30: Ask if her diamond ring is real.
            31: Serve corn on the cob to
                people witth dentures.
            32: Ask the stewardess a question
                every five minutes.
            33: Make jokes about terrorists at
                the boarding gate.
            34: Push all the elevator buttons.
            35: Spot test "wet Paint" sings.
            36: Goose the bride and groom.
            37: Be judgmental.
            38: Snap your gum.
            39: Announce when you're going
                to the bathroom.
            40: Ignore deadlines.
            41: Curse the umpirw at little
                league games.
            42: lie to you therapist and sit in 
                her chair.
            43: Clip your nails in bed.
            44: Quote Adoff Hitler.
            45: Vividly describe a hysterectomy
                when the entree arrives.
            46: Scrawl your signature on 
                important documents.
            47: Hand out business cards at
                funerals.
            48: Ride on the shoulder until you
                pass all the traffic, then cut in.
            49: Walk oit bulls without leashes.
            50: Race old women for the last 
                bus seat.
            51: Cause gridlock.
            52: Put your initials in concrete.
            53: Draw mustaches on posters.
            54: Install a siren in your car.
            55: When the collection basket is 
                passed to you, help yourself.
            56: Quote Rush Limbaugh to feminists.
            57: Never stop on one channel.
            58: Kill small woodland animals.
            59: Run a magnet over other peoples
                computer disks.
            60: Keep making collect calls to 
                every one.