______________ | ___ ___ | | |_ | | _| | ______ ______ |___| | | |___| |_ _| / \ | | | | | /----\/ | | | | | | | | | | | | ___ | | | | __ | | <_ | Issue #:046 _| |_ _| |_| | | \___/ | Date:04\26\96 |______| () |_________| () \________/ () _ / / \ \ _ / _ / THE LONE GUNMEN Presents: \ _ \ | | | | | | Pinky and the Brain are REAL! | | | | Written By: Abigwar | | | | | | | | | | | \____________________________________/ | \________________________________________/ ********************************STOP****************************************** *** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that *** *** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and *** *** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P *** *** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was *** *** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you *** *** get fucked. ************************************************************** ****************************************************************************** As most of you know, I have been away from the hacker scene for quite some time. The reason is because I was deep in the heart of London, researching the evil, Pinky and the Brain. This mission was the smallest covert operation ever, but the results, are so important the whole world could be lost if I don't write down what I learned. Not that I am complaining or anything. I think we might actually benefit from this! Anyway, this is what I learned. Pinky and the Brain are REAL lab mice. They really breath, they really walk on two feet, they even really talk. In fact the only thing different from the cartoon, is that Brain actually has a english accent as well. See, the people who made the cartoon, are not people. They are Pinky and Brain. Oh, and of course their Gestapo of other rodents which is led by Dien Hargen, The insanely suicidal Mongoose. The show is a cover of an actual elabrate scheme to rule the world. Ironically enough because the cartoon is actually about the rodents trying to control every thing. In many episodes, Brain often admits to the people unknowingly involved in his plans, that he is a mouse hell-bent on one particular goal. When he does this, the people just laugh in disbelief. Just like so many people who laugh at the cartoon itself. His real plan, is to turn capitalism against the world, by making his cartoon so well liked that Pinky and the Brain merchandise is produced. Now do you remember when Chelsea Clinton (With such a wonder- full name might I add! [see footnote]) had her birthday, and people actually sent her cars? Well Pinky and the Brain will be so big next year, that on her birthday, she will unsuspectingly receive a pair of life-like rodent dolls. And hidden in side these dolls, guess who? Thats right Brain and Pink. The scientists at Acme Labs, test out a formula on the mice which happens to be closely related to LSD which on humans has the same effects. (Not that I stole a whole gallon of it and tested it before writing this or anything!) But oddly enough makes lab mice go into a conscious state of coma so to speak. Using this chemical Pinky and Brain render themselves temporarily paralyzed. Then Dien Hargen will place them into the special dolls and mail them direct to the White House. Chelsea, that night, will go to bed with her dolls not far away. After a short while the potion will where off and the diabolical two will release them selves from the dolls, and start phase three of the plan. Using the skills they learned in the Highlands of Scotland, and shores of Scandinavia during their odd 'trips' caused by Acme's experiments, Brain and Pinky will kill all the secret service, and other guards in the large White Hole, err, House. Then they will decapitate President Clinton AND HIS WIFE (yes, _HIS_ _WIFE_ not HUSBAND, but WIFE) and hog tie Chelsea with an American flag. How in the world could two MICE do this? Your asking... Well, The Vikings and highlanders where the best, and guess who they learned from in their altered states of consciousness. Now, Brain will send a message to all other nations, saying if they did not empower the Rodent Gestapo leader of that country, Brain would give the command to use the United Spades, err, States vast nuclear arsenal against that country. And that my friends is how it will be done! Below is a list of some of the rodent operatives in different countries. Oh and indecently, Brain intends to give North Ireland back to the Irish! HAIL BRAIN! Scotland - Mouse MacNugget the HighOne England - James Vermin Smithe the Dirty Ireland - Pat McDrunk the Tipsy Germany - Dien Hargen the Suicidal Brazil - Zaubinka Gonako the almost unpronounceable South Afr.- John White the Rodent ANC spy Denmark - Gerbil Rodent the Horrible Sweden - Hamster Rodent the Brutal Wales - Googlemyr Myraan the Truly Unpronounceable Poland - A. Koolandski the Incompetent Russia - Furry White Mouse the Un-named Zimbabwe - Abi Gwaran the Rude ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ FOOTNOTE- Chelsea is a great name. Skinhead girl hair cuts are called fringes or chelseas. Many skinheads who have children or plan to have children name their daughters 'CHELSIA'. To bad shes a Clinton. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ============================================================================== (Dramatization) -In todays world news: "The IRA is being charged with blowing up english garbage cans! What will they think of next?" -Back at the pub: "Aye, When I told ya to blow up the english trash, I didn't quite mean it like that lad!" ============================================================================== (C)opyright 1996 04/09 ABIGWAR[TlG]