______________  
                |  ___    ___  |
                | |_  |  |  _| |  ______           ______
                |___| |  | |___| |_    _|        /        \
                      |  |         |  |         |   /----\/
                      |  |         |  |         |  |
                      |  |         |  |         |  |    ___
                      |  |         |  |  __     |  |   <_  | Issue #058
                     _|  |_       _|  |_|  |    |   \___/  | Date:06\16\96
                    |______|  () |_________| ()  \________/ ()               
                     _ / /                            \ \ _
                   / _ /     THE LONE GUNMEN Presents:  \ _ \                
                  | |                                      | |             
                  | |     It didn't open the Payphone.     | |
                  | |          Written By: Abigwar         | |               
                  | |                                      | |
                  | |     Payphones are indistructable     | |
                  | |            in my oppinion.           | |
                  |  \____________________________________/  |
                   \________________________________________/
                  


********************************STOP******************************************
*** In this day and age, anyone can get there hands on txt philez and that ***
*** means that even the YuppIe kids, who don't follow directions, can (and ***
*** will probly blow there faces,hands,fingers,noses,legs,nipples, and P-P ***
*** blown off, so befor you continue read the File "DISCLAIM.ER!" that was ***
*** included in the .ZIP file. it basicly says that you cant sew me if you ***
*** get fucked. **************************************************************
******************************************************************************
     
    Here are 101 different things that did not help to get the money out of 
    a stolen payphone. These are not necessarily in order. 
    
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  1. Prying and wedging with a crowbar
  2. Beating with a ball-peen hammer
  3. Beating and prying with a carpenters hammer
  4. Beating with a sledgehammer
  5. Beating with a croquet mallet 
  6. Beating, prying, and wedging with a pipe
  7. Kicking with steal capped boots
  8. Blowing up with M-80's
  9. Blowing up with gun powder and trace amounts of Ammonian Nitrate
 10. Picking locks with paper clips
 11. Picking locks with make-shift band-saw blade lock picks
 12. Picking locks with pubic hair
 13. Drilling holes with hand drill
 14. Breaking gate off change return
 15. Smashing with sticks
 16. Beating, prying, wedging and smashing with bars
 17. Beating with numchulks
 18. Getting chased off by cops repeatedly
 19. Attacking with sickle
 20. Dropping it off the top of a table
 21. Dropping it off the top of a filing cabinet
 22. Dropping it off the top of a tall rack
 23. Dropping it off the roof of a building
 24. Dropping it off a rail road trestle
 25. Throwing it at the floor
 26. Throwing it at the wall
 27. Throwing it at each other
 28. Dropping an empty refrigerator on it
 29. Throwing it at a photocopy machine
 30. Lighting it on fire with oil
 31. Smashing, beating and prying with other make-shift weapons
 32. Throwing Chinese stars at it
 33. Throwing chairs at it
 34. Filling it with salt water
 35. Pissing on it
 36. Jumping on it
 37. Stomping on it
 38. Having sex with ugly woman next to it
 39. Stepping on it
 40. Standing on it
 41. Cutting all the wires off it
 42. Trying to unscrew it 
 43. Shooting bottle rockets at it
 44. Throwing small fire crackers at it
 45. Pressing the coin return
 46. Breaking the coin return
 47. Melting it with propane torch
 48. Submerging it in water
 49. Cutting it with a hack saw
 50. Cutting it with the saw in a Swiss army knife
 51. Cutting it with a Swiss army knife
 52. Cutting it with a plastic kitchen knife
 53. Throwing assorted silverware at it
 54. Smashing strange wood rack over it
 55. Wishing it would give us the money willingly
 56. Preying
 57. Hopping
 58. Hoping
 59. Cursing and swearing at it
 60. Screaming and yelling at it (which only brought the cops)
 61. Writing tag-lines on it
 62. Looking at it dirty
 63. Teasing it
 64. Harassing it
 65. Making obscene jokes about it
 66. Throwing light bulbs at it
 67. Dropping florescent light bulbs on it
 68. Taking apart the receiver
 69. Trying to hammer railroad spikes into it
 70. Shooting it with slingshot
 71. Shooting it with rocks VIA three man water balloon launcher
 72. Punching it
 73. Focusing energy into it
 74. Pretending to unlock it with invisible key
 75. Trying to trick it into thinking we where extra large coins that need to
     get in
 76. Putting more money down coin slot
 77. Kicking doors down on top of it
 78. Biting it (Just kidding, we didn't try that one)
 79. Trying to electrocute it with car battery
 80. Throwing 9 volt battery at it
 81. Breaking ashtray over it
 82. Dropping broken TV on it
 83. Throwing it at dumpster
 84. Throwing it through sheetrock wall
 85. Pouring Pepsi on it
 86. Putting lit cigarettes in and against it
 87. Throwing unlabeled wooden mail box at it
 88. Throwing it against a furnace
 89. Beating it with baseball bat
 90. Putting lit cigars in and against it
 91. Wrapping it in a burning carpet, then macing with fire extinguisher
 92. Macing with fire extinguisher while not burning
 93. Spraying it with teargas
 94. Throwing rocks at it
 95. Hammering with rocks
 96. Singing country songs at it, as a form of torture
 97. Dropping set rat trap on it
 98. Putting it in a mail cart and ramming it against concrete wall
 99. Dropping it off a loading dock platform
100. Throwing it at a giant bolder
101. Throwing it into a river and never seeing it again
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(C)opyright 1996, April 20th. Abigwar [TlG]   -'96'-