^ ^ ^ ^ /\/\OO/\/\ ASCII BAT AND STUFF PROUDLY PRESENT /\/\OO/\/\ vv vv dddd dddd dddd ttttt dddd ttttt dddd dddd ttttttttttttt uuuu uuuu rrr ddddddddddd ttttttttttttt uuuu uuuu rrrrrrrrrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrrrrrrrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr rrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd ttttt uuuu uuuu rrrr ddd dddd tttttt ttt uuuuuuuuuuuu rrrr ddddddddddddd ttttttttttt uuuuuuuuuuuu rrrr ddddd dddd THE UNDEAD RISE, DAMMIT! AN EZINE FOR ZOMBIES BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT'S LIKE TO CRAVE BRAINS THIS IS THE NUMBER ONE TURD FILE, THE FIRST TURD FILE TO REACH THE MASSES! \\_// ~~x\ "MLARGH... UMARL... BRAINS!" ////// /~~ \ /O-O\ \ C /____ "DIE!" \o / |_____ /|\ | - - - - - - - - - ----- / | \ | ) (/ | \ |\ | | \ / \ __| \__ __/ \__ Ever wonder what it is about zombies that make people with automatic weapons want to shoot us? I find myself wondering the same thing all the time. But wait, I'm a zombie! How am I thinking!?!? OH NO! YOU'VE DISCOVERED THE LONG KEPT ZOMBIE SECRET OF THE AGES: WE CAN DO MORE THAN EAT BRAINS! In fact, that's what keeps us alive! For those of you unfamiliar with the nature of zombie powers, when a zombie eats a brain (depending on the superstitions of said zombie) he might inherit the memories of the person he just ate. This can cause some zombies to throw nasty zombie tantrums. One time, when I was still new to the eating of brains, I ate the brain of a thug gangster. It was then that I understood why people like to shoot me with automatic weapons: because everyone likes to shoot automatic weapons. For the brief time that my thoughts were plagued by those of a thug ganster. He shot at everything at moved. And sometimes, he'd get really drunk after slamming 40's with his niggas and then stuff that I've never seen move would start moving. The thug gangster would then shoot his automatic piece at the moving stuff that normally doesn't move. I don't think he ever shot a zombie though. He tried to pull out that automatic piece shit on me but I had gnawed well into his pale flesh by then. Yes, that's right. This thug ganster was paler than I've ever been, more pale than a ghost. (That is, if you believe in ghosts. But what you're reading was made by a zombie.) Had I not waited to tell you this story until after the thug gangster's mind had left me, it would've sounded much different. But that was a long time ago and I've eaten many brains since then. And it is my keeper, ASCII BAT, who keeps me in line sometimes. But he knows that if he doesn't deliver me the fleshiest of brains, then I'll eat his and then things will really get interesting. Even though none of your precious low class zombie pictures have depicted it, when zombies laugh, it's the most evil cackle. So pretend as you read this that my evil zombie cackle is ringing in your ears. Should my keeper ever betray me, I might begin to seek out those who know of my existence and now that you are done reading this file, you know. Let the reader beware... OF ZOMBIES! END OF TURD #1 WRITTEN BY: ASCII BAT 11-19-02