--(y0lk)-----------------------------------------------------------------------
                      y0lk: bedazzled by the eliteness.
--(oh my gawd!)----------------------------------------------------------------

                         ,".       
                                 
                                ,'
                       `s        .
                       sss       
                              
                       `s' `s' `s'  

--(it's creed!)----------------------------------------------------------------

        bedazzled by the eliteness... freaked by the familiarity of that cheesy
ascii header.  amazed by the return of the great one.  ME.  ME, ME, ME, ME, ME,
ME, ME, DAMNIT(!#*%@(%*  i'm so damn eleet.  i could kick your ass with both
dicks tied behind my back.  i don't even have to slay you.  i could just ask
someone, and he'd do it.  just because i'm creed, and I AM GOD.
        yeah, i'm back.  after weeks of sitting on my ass and goofing on MUDs,
i've decided to maintain my reputation as a good leader and someone who
actually WRITES for his own zine.  well, here i am.  are you afraid?  good.

--(you rock!!!)----------------------------------------------------------------

        yeah, i know.  i've said it before, it's a chore being me.  heh.  well,
you wouldn't believe it.  this is the second time i've written this issue.  and
right now, i'm really pissed.
        what happened?  well, just say that toshiba needs to be a bit more
considerate about where they put their power buttons.  heh.  well, go.  let's
rock.  on with the issue.  va-VOOM!

--(go speed racer, go!)--------------------------------------------------------

        well, i didn't start writing this zine with anything in mind, so i
guess right now i'll have to put in a stupid little aNaRKiDDie section.

--(ANARCHY!!!)-----------------------------------------------------------------

LEGAL DISCLAIMER: i didn't do it.

HOW TO KILL SOMEONE IN THE WILD (WITHOUT A GUN):

stuff you'll need: nothing!                                    09/28/95 11:56pm

        this is a little technique i learned while i was trying to be some kind
of rugged nature boy dork.  i was acting cool, and i was taking my monthly walk
outside, and i was wondering how i could kill someone in a forest like the one
i was in.
        here's what you do: lead the victim up to a tree, preferably one with
branches.  when your victim isn't looking, break a branch off of a tree, and
beat him to death.
        WARNING: this may take a while, and if the branch isn't porportionately
big enough, as compared to the victim, your plan may backfire.
        if you are interested in simply shooting a hole in someone's head with
a gun, please see previously released issues of y0lk.

--(that was so ELiTE!)---------------------------------------------------------

        yep.  well, i still don't know of anything interesting to write about,
so i'm going to put in a few fake irc quotes.

--(cool)-----------------------------------------------------------------------

<edi_> damn, y0lk rocks.  i thought i had something going for a little while
       with jonas, but i guess i don't kick quite as much ass as you, creed.
       too bad you can keep up all those wacky titles and ascii and stuff.  now
       you're an elite demigod and i'm a zero.  i can't even get ops in #zines.

<mogel> wow, creed, you rock.  i thought i was pretty cool when i wrote h0e and
        dto, but now that i see y0lk, i realize i'll never be as cool as you.
        i guess i'll hang out in #zines for a couple more hours.

<hooch> haha!  i'm bootlegging secret issues of y0lk and selling them to
        iranian soldiers for 20 bucks apiece!  you are nothing!  I OWN y0lk!!!!

*radman* hey, what do you think about starting up a zine section for ACiD?

<bEdlAM> hey man, i took a shower!  wicked!

<creed> the next person that refers to my mag as "yolk" is gonna get his flesh
        torn off and eaten.
<creed> dig the zero!

<God> hey, can you greet me in the next y0lk?
<creed> uhm, i dunno, man...
<God> come on... please?
<creed> sorry, man... i don't do greets.
*** Signoff: creed (existence reset by God) ***

--(those rocked!)--------------------------------------------------------------

        i know.  it's weird.  god is jealous of me cuz i write an elite zine
and he doesn't.  I AM MORE ELITE THAN GOD HIMSELF.

--(the end)--------------------------------------------------------------------

        so long, goodbye, i hope you liked my show.  but right now i'm really
pissed and really tired cuz i had to write the stupid thing twice.  but who
cares, i think i did pretty well.  the irc quote thing was kinda neat.  dig it!
we're y0lk!  we rool!

--(adios)----------------------------------------------------------------------