---(y0lk)---------------------------------------------------------------------- y0lk number 39: creed is g0d, part one ---(h0h0h0e)------------------------------------------------------------------- SETTING: it is 2046. creed, now ruler of the earth, is being interviewed by a very old-looking connie chung. he is sitting in a director's chair, looking cool, wearing a t-shirt that says "i phear m0gel." chung: so... creed. you are the most affluent man alive, and you are loved by all. the world regards you as a god. how do you feel about your achievements? creed: well connie, i kinda like it. being a living god is pretty cool. but you would know that yourself, wouldn't you connie? (laughs) chung: how did you acquire the title "creed?" is it your given name? creed: well, no. actually, i used to be a member of the late twentieth century's "computer underground," now dead because of the communications decency act, passed in 2014. when i heard the feds were using lethal force to destroy the undergrounds, i dropped out of that scene, like many others. but i lost a lot of friends in that revolution. chung: so you are actually an ex-criminal? creed: well, not by my terms. i just published little computer magazines. chung: hmm... and this is about when you started your music thing, correct? creed: yeah, when i figured the computer thing was about over for me, i decided that i needed a new hobby, i guess. so, i did what anyone in my situation would have done. i started a rock band. y0lk. chung: yes, y0lk. you released seven albums with them. how did you come up with such an unusual name? creed: uhm, y0lk was my little computer zine. and that was dead then, and i liked the name, so i kept using it. chung: and then came your famed "enlightenment." how did this come about? creed: well, after the seventh album, the "rap" album, i became tired of y0lk... and i was just disgusted at where it had taken me. so i took out a hand-written compilation of my old computer zines, 400 of them, and started adding to them. i had this urge... i was driven to continue releasing my old zines. chung: how long did that last? creed: well, i wrote 600 more issues by hand, and closed the book with number 1000. chung: the 1000 verses! you mean the modern world's bible is nothing but a compilation of magazine articles... from the now-deceased "computer underground?!" creed: well, yeah... sorta. i mean, i didn't WANT it to be a bible... i just published it as a stupid book-- i called it "creedisms" ...and after a few years, "creedism" became a worldly religion... i didn't mean for it to happen that way! chung: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!@# get this moron out of my studio! you've made a BIG MISTAKE, buster! revolution is at hand! prepare to be overthrown, and die, by the hands of the people! creed: huh? creed: what the hell?! all i said was that-- T0 B3 C0N7!NU3D (if i really feel like it) ---(index)--------------------------------------------------------------------- .s&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&s. $ ## $ title $ author $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $ $ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $ $ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $ $ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $ $ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $ $ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $ $ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $ $ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $ $ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $ $ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $ $ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $ $ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $ $ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $ $ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $ $ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $ $ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $ $ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $ $ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $ $ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $ $ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $ $ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $ $ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $ $ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $ $ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $ $ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $ $ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $ $ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $ $ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $ $ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $ $ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $ $ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $ $ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $ $ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $ $ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $ $ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $ $ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $ $ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $ $ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $ $ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $ `$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$' if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et cetera. woog. mindcrime is an official y0lk member.