------(Y0LK #61)------------------------------------------------------------ " Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? " by INSANE Why did the chicken cross the road? This is one of life's great conundrums. Many theories arised from this question. Theories composed by such great minds as Einstein, Darwin, Hemmingway, Kippling, and Tony Danza, but none could give the answer to this dilemma. Some said he/she did it to get to the other side but I can disprove this hypothesis because if the chicken wanted to get to the other side it would just have to travel all the way across the world in a perfect circle and when it came back to the town it started it's trek from, the chicken would find the road that he/she wished to pass, but this time he/she would be on the other side of the road and therefore there was never a need to cross the road in the first place. You know, this essay reminds me of the time I did in the KGB. I was an agent for, what at that time was, the Soviet Union. I was to meet a chicken vender in the southwest corner of Red Square where at the time that we met he was to divulge information regarding the assassination attempt on President Dwight Einsehower. We were to meet at fourteen-hundred hours sharp and in the KGB lateness was punishable by only one way, being forced to listen to Robert Goulet's Greatest Hits Volume I-X while at the same time dipping your body in chocolate fudge and then throwing you into the Russian equivalent of "Jenny Craig". My rendezvous was over thirty minutes late and I feared the worst had happened to him. I left "the square" and while walking back to the Kremlin saw his dismembered body laying in the middle of the road and a chicken walking across his almost unrecognizable body. It turns out that the American war General, General Doulglas McArthur, was in Russia because he heard about the assassination plot and planned to foil it. He knew that the two things Russians can't resist are vodka and Colonel Sander's Chicken. Knowing this, McArthur planted a microscopic bomb a piece of chicken and when my rendezvous saw a chicken walking near him he decided since he had an abundance of chicken, to use it and when he did, KABOOM!!!! I felt so sorry for my friend's untimely passing that I dedicated my life to answering the age old question, why did the chicken cross the road? Anyway, getting back to my answer, I feel that people throughout history have asked the wrong question. Instead of asking, why did the chicken cross the road, people should have been asking, what made the chicken want to cross the road? Could it have been running away from something? I think not. It is my theory, actually, not a theory, but a fact that the chicken crossed the road because it was simply intoxicated. There have been many documented cases of farmers replacing hard liquor for the water so that the guy and girl chickens get drunk and, viola, the farmer has more eggs than anyone else and can retire at a young age because of your egg commodity. The chicken was bashed and that's why he/she crossed the road. _____________________________________________________________________insane__ editor's comment: uhm, that was weird. yeah. uhm. it was weird. - chickens, chocolate, and the kgb. -creed --(index)-------------------------------------------------------------------- --(index n' stuff)------------------------------------------------------------- .d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b. $ ## $ title $ author $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $ $ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $ $ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $ $ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $ $ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $ $ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $ $ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $ $ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $ $ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $ $ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $ $ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $ $ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $ $ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $ $ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $ $ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $ $ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $ $ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $ $ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $ $ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $ $ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $ $ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $ $ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $ $ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $ $ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $ $ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $ $ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $ $ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $ $ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $ $ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $ $ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $ $ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $ $ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $ $ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $ $ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $ $ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $ $ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $ $ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $ $ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $ $ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $ $ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $ $ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $ $ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $ $ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $ $ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $ $ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $ $ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $ $ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $ $ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $ $ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $ $ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $ $ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $ $ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $ $ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $ $ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $ $ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $ $ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $ $ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $ $ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $ $ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $ $ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $ $ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $ "T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T" --(infoez)--------------------------------------------------------------------- if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et cetera. phoenix 201 is the official eleet telecom section of y0lk hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk. phorce is the head samurai of y0lk! beware! mindcrime is an official y0lk member, cuz he's just so damn wacky-ass. email creed@nexxus.novasys.com to contact me. yep. to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp to ftp.openix.com /pub/ftp/phorce/y0lk