---(y0lk-099.txt)------------------------------------------------------------- $$$$$ $$$$ $$$$$ $&s. .s&$P""7$&s. $$$$ $$$$ xxxxxxxxxxx $$$$$ xx $$$$ $$$$ xx $$$$ $$$$ xxxxxxx $$$$ "$$$$b xxxxxxxxxxx :: ::::: :: $$$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ :: :::: $$$$ : $$$$$ :::: :::::: ::::::::::: $$$$$ : $$$$ $$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ :::.s$s $$$$ ,g$$$P :: ::::::: : :::::::::: $$$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ : $$$$ $$$$"`$$&g. :::::::::::: :::: :::::: $$$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ : $$$$ $$$$ :: $$$$ $$$$ :`$$$$b ::: ::: ::: xxxxxxxxxxx `9$$$bssd$$$$ `9$$bssd$$P' $$$$bssd$$P' $$$$ : $$$$$ xxxxxxxxxxx $ssss $$P' tMM "$$$$"""""""" y0lk #99: the badness steps out and takes a solo ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- the y0lk executive intro - phorce ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- welcome to y0lk, issue number 99!@ i'm your host, phorce. y0lk, as you might have noticed, has recently celebrated its one-year anniversary (7/27) AND is nearing its one hundredth issue. both of these being quite large accomplishments, we'd like to celebrate the style y0lk upheld in those first great 100 issues which i'm sure you've all read. see, with the advent of this y0lk's new century, we hope to make everything much more "quality" here at y0lk. away with the "bad writing" we've been charactized by recently. as the new era approaches, the evils of the previous era must be cleansed before we can continue. so, since mogel grabbed control of y0lk #100 (grrr), y0lk #99 was chosen to be the final resting place for all this bad stuff i've had sitting around in my submissions directory for so long. this issue is the last you will see of badness in y0lk. badness, but in a good sense of the word, that is. there's a certain "dada-ness" in all this badness. who can forget the finesse of big hurt's "big hurt is ruler of the earth!" do you still remember "fuck your tv" and "eye yam stain?" how about hooch's constant references to doing things to one's anus? all of these, great classics they were - surely to be remembered and revered in the future as the greatest works of literature ever written. in the great words of jesus, that son of god, himself: "the kingdom of heaven is like leaven which a woman took and hid in three measures of flour, till it was all leavened." -- matthew 13.33 y0lk is that leaven; hidden from most, obscure in the great measures of flour that try to oppress us, but still winning out over them all, to expand and become a great, godly thing, almost as great as that big valhalla in the sky. yes, dear friends - y0lkliness is next to godliness. with all that said and done, here's what's planned for you tonight. we've pulled out all the stops for ya. we've got some choice big hurt material, some writing by the younger siblings of zinesters, and a surprise guest or two!@ you'll love it, believe me. now on with the y0lk. ---(the official y0lk #99 index!#)-------------------------------------------- here they are!# please don't skip over authors just because i foolishly decided to put an index in!# whats in the box? big hurt blah black francis Big stinky peniS groveR (bF's little brother!) i'm here trapped in my house and have no life big hurt comic relief creed a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile phorce mutter writes for y0lk #100 mutter (featuring my sister!#) nine inch nails memories typed by big hurt the garbage can of the apocalypse mercuri debbie does #zines mercuri the boy who ate coasters mercuri how stalin got his name mercuri what i did on my summer vacation mercuri bad cliches mercuri what they are thinking right now... mercuri WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! Nybar (joltcola's brother!@) 99 baby big hurt AND.. a very special encore crank, big hurt, tao, tMM ---(phear!@)------------------------------------------------------------------ i'm sure you all know big hurt, don't you? back in y0lk's infancy, big hurt came to us, bearing y0lks. here's one of his first attempts!@ one of the only y0lks ever to be rejected from y0lk!# ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- ---- -+-- --+ -- --+- -- --- - +- -+ -- -+ y0lk ishue# 40: whats in the box? -- --+- +-- - --+--- -- --- -+ - --+ -+-- --+ - --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ this ishue ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ sup every1. this is big hurt, or [hurt] on irc. if ya dont know me, then you will soon get to know me. cuz i sorry to tell you this, but i'm here to stay so ya betta recongize and start to phear me. anywayz, i never know what i'm gonna write about until i'm almost done, cuz ya never know what yer gonna get in this zine when i write, so ya have to keep on reading this. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ who is big hurt? ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ well of course ya know that i'm big hurt by now. anyhow. i've been around the art scene for awhile now. i've been in many of grOups, such as vor, cia, fire, etc. and now i'm in ink and a lit grOup called spin. i'm also running my own emag, called blOtch, which is a production of ink. i've done ascii, ansi, and now i've decided to write. had my own 'zine called turb0 until it died and become an emag, blOtch. i was in thrust, before the merge of thrust and apathy and was never included into the merge, along with many of other ex-thrust membas. i've also tried doin music and sum of it hasnt turned out all so bad. who knows where i will go. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ lub it, like it, have it ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ yum. lets all have sum spam. ya can use it in a thousand different ways. it is so eReet. ya can cook it, nuke it, smell it, grill it and put it on sum buns and have a spamburger. what would we do wit out spam. would the world as we know it, no longer go on, cuz we dont have that delicious and tasty thing called spam. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ the world ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ yes, the world would go on. the world doesnt rotate around spam, it rotates around the great one. which is big hurt, the mentor, the boss, the great. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ i'm elite ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ too think that i'm writting fer y0lk, the best 'zine out there. so i must be the most elite person on the face of this earth. well maybe not the most elite, i ferget trip of apathy.blah.blah.etc and creed cum before me. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ zine run-down ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ zines zines zines! the wonderful world of zines! arent zines so great. anyway, i think i'm gonna do a run down on some zines that i've picked up on `the net' and all of the `boards'. here i go, i guess. we've got slinky. which is ran by that funky guy named belial. dont know how to pronouse it, cuz i'm kinda dumb, stupid, or whatever ya wanna call it. i got the very very very first ishue of slinky. it was kewlio and i give it two thumbs up. speaking of rad. i betta whiped that dung off my tennis shoes. and we got sum guy that suggested a name to belial and ended up using the name fer his own 'zine. that 'zine guy would be mercuri. damn! wish i knew how to say that also. then we got three guys or sumthang like that, called loOpy, stig, and mistawho started a 'zine called dogma. they currently have two ishues out, at least when i wrote this article they did. these guys are all kewl and there 'zine even shows it. wow there is quite a few zines out there and i havent even covered half of them. sum arent as elite as y0lk or others out there, but hey ya have to give them credit. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ blOtch ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ #here is my blOtch emag plug# like so get yer articles into me at lowen@goodnet.com so that i can put yer article in the first blOtch ishue. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ i'm the best header ever ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ yes, even my headers talk to each other. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ i cant agree with you, cuz i'm the best header ever ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ they even argue about who is the best header. you dont see that anywhere else except for y0lk. we bring ya the big smelly cheese every ishue for yer readin enjoyment. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ the big question ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ i bet ya have been waiting this entire ishue reading and reading. wonder how ya learned how to read. was it hooked-on-phonics? anywayz, the big question fer this ishue was `what in that box?' well, i will tell you the answer right here and now. it is a y0lk ishue. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ .y0lk. [ greets ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+ well here are all of my greetz. trip, creed, loopy, belial, fk, kk, thoodone, bitstream, erupt, hollow, ashley, delta astro, woolf, and any that lubs reading these zines. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+-- .y0lk. [ make it stOp ] .xXx. --+--------------------------------------------------------------------------+-- well, i've decided to make all of this stOp for the time being. but ya betta phear me, cuz i shall return wit anotha ishue sometime very shortly. hope ya liked this ishue, cuz it was my very first time written a y0lk ishue, so fergive me if have ruined yer eye site. ---(aww.)--------------------------------------------------------------------- ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- "blah" - black francis ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- blah blah blah blah blah blah lbnalh alha blah blah bhlab blah BLAH blabla blah blah balb alb durdurdur blah blah blah blah blah bal al blah h blah lhal lah. blah blah lah. b. blah blah blahblahblahblah blah blah, blah blah blah blahblah. BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH blah blahbbbbblah? b b blahbhhhhablah! blah? blah. BBBBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLAHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. b;agh. blah blah b l a h h h h.blah. blah - blah - blah - blah. durdurdur/ blah ballahahahah blah blah BALH!&$% blah. wtf? blah.blah. BLAH. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- "Big stinky peniS" - groveR (bF's little brother) ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- The sega channel is a totally new fucking hit. why pay the 4 dollar shit for a game a blockbuster, I personaly think that blockbuster smells like poo anyhow. Do you eat cows or is it just america don't eat are animal friends if you do your a fucking asshole, get into the groove homy G eat veggie burgers. my butt is very pale and stinky and it is coolly yo.Ha Ha HA my butt rules because I do. I'm writing till me bored and now I'm bored. -groveR ---(woo!#)-------------------------------------------------------------------- i'm here trapped in my house and have no life - big hurt ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- broken machine i've been so busy in the past couple of weeks. school finally ended. too think i would have fucked around for about a couple weeks before realizing that i had no life. but, not this summer. i have a job. i have baseball. and as soon as school got out, i started my own little project to stardom. i started a band. sorta of like trent reznor did nine inch nails. i got sick of my friends. they didn't have any gear to even get songs going. i didn't need any gear. i had my computer. so i started right away and started doing songs on my computer. i'm making a demo tape as soon as i get a 8-track recording/mixing machine from someone or somewhere. i've already contacted a few record labels and some are wanting to hear my stuff. that shows how desperate they are. my band, broken machine, only has one person right now. that is fine. i like working by myself. it is how trent reznor started out. he did fine. since he is a major influence in the music i'm making, maybe it is best that i do follow in his footsteps. don't get me wrong that i didn't have fun the first weekend that school got out. because i sure did. my mom is starting to let me stay out later and later every night i want to do something. so she is giving me more freedom and can trust me. and here is the big shocker of the day. i have decided to kill yellow journal. if someone would like to continue it, then do so, otherwise it is offically dead. i will putting all of my efforts of writing into y0lk from now on. i may not be writing that much for y0lk either, but i will try from time to time, since i will be busy all of the time this summer with baseball, work, and with the broken machine project. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- comic relief - creed ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- HEY, EVERYBODY!!!! WHAT DID THE GHOST SAY TO THE BEE?!@?!@?!@?!@? ... ... ... ... BOO, BEE!!@#!@#!@#!@#$ HAHAHAHAH!@$#!@#!@# HhahahahAHAahAHAhaH!@#!@#$!@#!@#!@$@!#$!@ I AM SO FUNNY!@#!@#!@#!@# HAHAHAHAHAHAhafhahahahahashfhi23ph413k4jqwekfm2#$!@#$12 @#($@#($@#!($!@*#$*!@#($*!@#($*!@(#$*!@#$( HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH#$!@@!#!@$#$!@#$!@#$!@ FUNYNEHEWAHAHHEHEAHEAHAHAHAH12(!@#$!@$#!@#$!@#$@! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAF(@#!$#@(!*$!@#(*$!@#($ HAHAHASHA AHAHAAAHAHAHAWH$!@#!$#$!@#$@#!$!@#$ HAHAHAHAHAS#$@!$@#$!@#$ AH!@#! AHH!@#$ ahhh. ok. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH#R(@*U!$(#!@~$(!@#$(!@#*$(!@* ok. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- a young lad named hat, a sun god, and a big missile - phorce ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- young hat opened his bedroom window and reveled in the sunshine. all was good. the sun upon his eyes told hat that today was, as usual, another day; the sun, like him, had decided to get up and make the lives of everyone he/it would meet a little brighter. "the sun has decided to rise today? this is good," hat remarked to himself. hat felt that great "morning feeling" that he always had around this time. beaming (again, much like the sun), hat quickly bathed and dressed. he pranced down the stairs, singing a song to himself and feeling content in the knowledge that, in a dozen hours or so, the sun would be replaced with pale moonlight. this seems a normal assumption for most people; the regular cycle of day to night is more or less a given. thus, it was not strange that hat would guess the sun would set and give way to the moon that night. unfortunately, hat was wrong. ra, the sun god, was mad, and wasn't about to go to sleep angry. "WHY HAVE YOU NOT PRAISED ME?" it screamed in rage. "HAVE I NOT SHINED BRIGHT FOR YOU, THROUGH THE AGES? WAS I NOT THE ONE WHO BIRTHED YOU? AM I NOT THE REASON FOR YOUR EXISTENCE?" after hearing ra speak out so loudly (which was very surprising for most), humankind felt a little guilty and embarassed for not really getting into the spirit of _praising_ ra for the last few thousand years or so. "HAS HUMANKIND FORGOTTON ABOUT ME, RA, THE CREATOR OF LIFE? I BROUGHT YOU, FOOLISH MORTALS, OUT OF THE OOZE! BOW TO ME BEFORE I SEND YOU BACK TO THE SAME OOZE FROM WHICH YOU CAME!" unfortunately for this deity, this "ra" character was quite obviously a threat to national and global security. special covert strike teams were quickly assembled as ra's demands became greater and louder. the intensity of ra's annoyance at humanity had become so great that cases of "instant skin cancer" on very clear and sunny days had been reported. the pentagon finally agreed on a plan. their plan was as follows: fire a large missile at the sun. hat, looking outside his tinted bedroom window into the permanent sunshine, could see the large missile silo opening from his bedroom window. he also could also see the gargantuan missile inside, ready to be fired. "that's one big missile," hat remarked to himself. hat watched as the missile took off, into the sky. ra, too, watched the missile lift off towards him. ra was, as most would be if a large missile was rapidly approaching one's self, annoyed. ra decided to destroy the foul, ungrateful humans living on the world it had shined so brightly on. with one mighty swoop, earth was gone. and the last words young hat heard before he was blasted (ironically) into ash by the same rays that had previously given him life were: "EXISTENCE IS FUTILE." ---(yawn)--------------------------------------------------------------------- woopers!# ummm. well, on with more of this... IF YOU'VE ALREADY LOST INTEREST, JUST BEAR WITH US. WE LOVE YOU. I, PHORCE, WILL PERSONALLY GIVE YOU LOVIN' FOR READING THROUGH THIS ENTIRELY. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- mutter writes for y0lk #100 - mutter (featuring my sister!#) ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- Okay I'm a bit upset (understandably so, as I'm sure you'll agree). I didn't get too many entrys to that spontaneous contest I made in the last issue I wrote (read it over to refresh your memory). The fact of the matter is: I got NO entrys. That's right. Zero. YOU COULDN'T EVEN PUT IN ONE FUCKIN ENTRY TO MAKE ME FEEL GOOD, HUH?!! Okay, you wanna play like that ... I'll play like that, fuckball. I will personally hunt down and kill each and every y0lk reader (yes, all three of you). Then, I will kill your families, friends, neighbors, pets. Oh, you bastards, you say "Go on! Kill me. If I had friends and family I wouldn't be reading y0lk!" You think you're trickey, dontcha? We'll see who has the last laugh!@ Ha!@ I will now only answer to the name "Mutter, the y0lk-reader hunter!" umm... Gee, I never thought it'd be so hard to think of a transition between subjects ... So, anywaze, one late night I saw phorce on IRC (only it wasn't phorce ... oooo-weeee-oooo) and I thought well, gee, this is weird. Phorce's account is logged in but he's in IRC with the name "Istigkeit". It took me a while to figure out that this was in fact his sister (who used to go by the handle "moonbeam"). So here, an exclusive interview with phorce's sister (well, kinda)! --------------------Begin IRC convo!!------------------------------------------ [ed. note: these are all (private) messages.] istigkeit? yes, do i know you? I'd hope so :) oh, wait, you must be cathy. YES!! Who are you? I'm here to stalk you. That's what I do (I'm a stalker). WHO ARE YOU mmooooooonbeeeeeeaaaaam TELL ME WHO YOU FUCKING ARE>>! woah, watch that language, how old are you, 13? 14, now tell me how you know me I know everything about you. Our whole lives are on the computer, ya know? Have you ever seen "The Net"? ya know, the movie with sandra bullock... anyways, its not important yes i saw it! tell me seriously who you are! our whole lives are on the computer, ya know? shut up, i know shit about this computer. my life is not in any way on it. Im watching you RIGHT NOW!@#!@ Don't sit so close to the monitor!! heheh shut up. PLEASE! who are you!!!!!!!! okay...i gotta get going...cya later. nice to meet me!:) no you are not leaving NOW WHO THE HELL ARE YOU????? please, i just want to know if i know you or not. Please? :( <_Raven_> Quit stalking my woman you got it, man *** Signoff: mutter (blah) -----------------------end convo!#--------------------------------------------- Obviously, she has a little romance going on with _Raven_, thus the reference to her as "my woman." I laughed out loud when I got that one. Stay tuned for further developements in the Istigkeit + Raven "situation"! w00, gossip. err. Anywaze... ---(it ended there.)---------------------------------------------------------- wow. my sister has quite a mouth, it seems. if you see her, don't be a stranger if you see Istigkeit (phorce@openix.com) on irc. she'll hate me for that. heh. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- nine inch nails memories - typed by big hurt ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- This is taken from an interview in Keyboard magazine. --- -- - Keyboard Magazine: Care to expand on any of those hellish gig experiences? Trent Reznor: Opening day, Lollapalooza, Phoenix. We couldn't play because one of the power boxes had melted, and every time the low end of the P.A. would rumble, it would jiggle the cord and all power onstage would just shut off and turn back on. If you have a sampler, that means you're down for a minute. And if you have tape deck, ahem, that means it stops. But, I think because we were an "electric" band, everyone was just waiting for us to fuck up onstage. So this started happening and: "Hello, does anybody know what's going on?" A voice from backstage: "No, but I think it'w working now." Turn to crowd: "Okay, hey, we suck, so here's the next song." And ten seconds into it, every time he hit the kick drum, there it went. Turn back around: "This is the biggest show we've ever played, does anyone know what the fuck is wrong?" Voice from backstage: "We think we have it!" Turn to the crowd: "Okay, one more time," and ... Keyboard Magazine: So what did you do? Trent Reznor: We smashed all the gear, and ran to the bus. --- -- - Readers Note: Anyways, that hellish incident took place in Phoenix, Arizona. Arizona is the stat that I live in, just in case you didn't know. And if you don't give a fuck, then you shouldn't have read my readers note. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- the garbage can of the apocalypse - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- slowly did the bucket move, step by step, inch by inch. it was a long and grueling process, but he was determined to take over crown point high school if it was the last thing he did. *ring* the lunch bell went off. "oh shit" thought the bucket the kids poured out of the front doors of the school and they kicked the bucket, resetting his progress. "great. it'll take me two more days before i get that far again." [------] nope... dead end story, lemme try something else. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- debbie does #zines - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- "i want your warez.... IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! *WINK*" [-------] uh, nope. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- the boy who ate coasters - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- "MOM! CAN I HAVE MORE COASTERS?" "no." ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- how stalin got his name - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- (translated into english by vladimir checnykofpz) "awe, he's sooo cute!" "what should we name him my little bubushka?" "how about... STALIN?" "it's done! let us dance, my dear!" *insert jig* ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- what i did on my summer vacation - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- next! billy: ...then we drove, and drove some more, and then we drove mercuri: and after i went to the eifel tower, i ran all the way to china and had dinner with famous celebrities! anything else, mercuri? mercuri: yeah, but the rest is kind of hard to beleive. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- bad cliches - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- funner than hell cool as hell cool as shit i could care less ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- what they are thinking right now... - mercuri ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- boris yeltsin: "stupid americans" muslim leaders: "stupid americans" english prime minister: "stupid americans" germany: "stupid americans" iceland: "stupid americans" canada: "stupid americans" australia: "stupid americans" ---(w0o!# mercuri#!)--------------------------------------------------------- mercuri is my hero. sigh. you still with us? good. now, in keeping with the "younger-siblings-of-zinesters" tradition: ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE ME?! - Nybar (joltcola's brother!@) ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- WHY DO STORIES ALWAYS FEATURE M.. AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I'M IN ON RIGHT NOW!!!!!! START FREASH YOU IDIOT! NOT AT HOME!!!! ------------------------------------------------------------------- We have a web page, a vmb, and a book.. featuring poupey stories -----------------++++++++++++++++++++__________-----+++++++_----- THE STORY SO FAR!! Nybar crisscrosses the globe performing his stick juggling act. He can do it verrrrrryyyyyyy well. But sometimes he comes to a hick state. This is the story of Nybar's visit to one of those Redneck States. ******************************************************************* After performing my amazing stick-juggling act.. I went to shake hands with the audience. There was this one crazy, Bell-bottom redneck, who came up to me and said.. "HOW DO YOU DO IT?!? HOW DO YOU DO IT?!?! HOW MAKE STICKS FLY?!!??!" then, I decided to do my snake dancing act, sing a light song, and hit him with a big stick as the conclusion. So I started dancing . "Magggggiiiiiiiiicccccccc (duh duh duh dahh) the magiccc.. to make sticks perforrrmm.." "SHUT THE HELL UP AND TELL ME!" "REDNECK , BEER SWILLIN BASTAGE! CHICKEN HERDIN WONDER!!!!" "OK!! TAKE THIS! " "Should... havee.... shot yer ass.... the second I saw you... MERCURI!!" ---------------------------<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<-<->->->->------------------- MY REVENGE ON MERCURI! (mercuri's perspective) It had been a hard day at the farm. My little cow bessy Had been giving skim milk, and pork and beans was getting More and more tasteless. After a couple years of wondering what was wrong with me.. somone told me "YOU IDIOT! YOU ARE OBVIOUSLY DEPRESSED!! WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM." it was my duck. I obviously WAS crazy, so I moved to the big city. I got a job as a lecturer.. mainly thing like "IF MY GRAN-PAPA WAS ALIVE.. HE'D BE DISGUSTED AT THE FILTH IN MODERN `ZINES! TAKE THE PADDLE TO ALL OF YOU HE WOULD!!! " Then I noticed something strange about someone I met on the street. HE LOOKED EXZACTLY THE SAME AS SOME GUY I HAD KILLED A YEAR AGO. He was waring an arm band that said "K.ill S.tupid R.ednecks.. KSR, so THAT WAS what the KSR was. At the time, I didn't know that the guy was forming a red neck elimination force. Nope.. I am pretty damn stupid in things like that. So I decided to send in a membership card. A few weeks later, there was some knocking at the door, and a very farmiliar voice said "Hey.. you're in the club!" So I opened the door. The second I did I was shot. IS THIS THE END? ---(yeeks!@)------------------------------------------------------------------ okay!# you've reached.. the FINAL THRESHOLD!##! just ONE more article and it's ALL OVER!# of course, i've added a small encore performance by crank, kaynine, tMM, and big hurt at the end if you want to read it. it's pretty durn funny, but it's very very long. read if you dare. c'mon#! read the encore piece!# you'll LOVE it, believe me!# laugh out loud at those crazy #zines people!##! ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ (issue number 99) y0lk (july 30th, 1996) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ % "99 baby" well we are one issue away from 100. what makes it so special is i get to do the very last two digit issue of y0lk ever. big deal. % kojak doesn't like what he sees in y0lk actually kojak's writings in the previous issue (98 if you're dumb) i thought were very helpful to y0lk. though i never correct my own mistakes, i'm going to try to start to do that. one reason is that i makes my writings a lower standard than they should be if i went back and took the time to see what is wrong with an article. but, as a 17-year-old-teen i don't have that much time. i'm either playing baseball, working as an umpire, working on my music, or in my free time, which i don't have much of these days, trying to spend time with friends that i've hardly ever seen since the last week of school. % teenage life a teenage life can be hard. everyone will go through it. you've got so many things you have to do. then you have the things that you want to do. then you have your parents bugging you. i live with my mom. though i don't see her that much, since she works days and i play baseball at nights and work at night, when i do see her i do get upset of something she says. why? because she tries to keep me her little kid. i get sick of it and ignore her or yell back at her. why? i'll tell you why i *yell* back at her. because she simply gets on my nerves. lots of things get on my nerves. like how people treat each other. either it be on the internet or in *real* life. i hate how people treat other people. i mean, i try not to shit on people because i know shit will always fly back in my face. for 17-year-old-male-teen i'm probably more sensitive, kind and caring than the next 17-year-old-male-teen. why is this? it probably is the way that my parents raised me. it is probably the way i see the world and think about other people. guys think it is wrong to be sensitive. actually, it is fine. that is one reason i write poetry and songs. it is good to write peotry. it gets ride of the stress and makes you feel better, if you write about something that was bothering you at the moment. i've written poetry and songs about almost anything: sex, anger, suicide, murder, hate, love, happiness. but i mostly write about the bad things. the reason for that is that it lets me get the anger out about those things and not hurt anyone that made me mad. and i try to live the happy moments. though i like to think of myself as a happy person, i do have the depressed moments in my life. but, i would sure like to be surrounded by a bunch of good friends. % buh-bye well, i'm done with this issue. get ready for the 100th issue. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- big hurt said it best. peace, brother. ---(index)-------------------------------------------------------------------- .d&$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$&b. $ ## $ title $ author $ $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ $ 01 $ the other white meat $ creed $ $ 02 $ several k-leet hax0rs sittin around a campfire and groovin $ creed $ $ 03 $ nuclear weapons, global destruction, op wars. $ creed $ $ 04 $ a young man, an infant, a yak... all living in sin $ creed $ $ 05 $ household uses for afghanistanian food $ creed $ $ 06 $ pour cement down my anus $ hooch $ $ 07 $ hail santa! $ creed $ $ 08 $ hasidism and sysops - a pair for the nineties? $ hooch $ $ 09 $ lunchables rock. $ creed $ $ 10 $ t-shirts and toejam $ bedlam $ $ 11 $ nap-time - the dog prank - exclusive interview $ hooch $ $ 12 $ movie reviews [showgirls!@] - win95 vs. os/2 [sorta] $ hooch $ $ 13 $ straight outta' compton - dialchix - muh dawg!@ $ hooch $ $ 14 $ i'm a tall, goofy, dorky, chink $ phorce $ $ 15 $ bedazzled by the eliteness $ creed $ $ 16 $ how to blow your nuts out with cornstarch and orangina $ creed $ $ 17 $ i am a warez pup - who are you? $ hooch $ $ 18 $ lemmings $ phorce $ $ 19 $ the science of astrology $ belial $ $ 20 $ the notorious anticlimactic bastards of the zine scene $ cd/h0 $ $ 21 $ dUcK 54uc3?!#$!? $ phorce $ $ 22 $ top 5000 reasons why i should kill myself $ creed $ $ 23 $ citrus fruits for sale $ phorce $ $ 24 $ group masturbation $ belial $ $ 25 $ ethereal experiences for perverted pyromaniacs $ creed $ $ 26 $ catering for the warez eleet $ phorce $ $ 27 $ brief mental pause $ belial $ $ 28 $ the army day camp $ belial $ $ 29 $ the geek theory, hickies, and another long day $ creed $ $ 30 $ nets, zines, and that chick from wings $ hooch $ $ 31 $ mentos! the freedom giver! $ mercuri $ $ 32 $ ramblings of a poseur $ bedlam $ $ 33 $ sitcoms, stereotypes, and satan $ creed $ $ 34 $ fuck you - a note to all y'all on #zines $ hooch $ $ 35 $ apples, oranges, and pears $ phorce $ $ 36 $ the little cultist that couldn't $ creed $ $ 37 $ careening through hyperspace at a slug-like rate $ creed $ $ 38 $ snowday $ phorce $ $ 39 $ creed is g0d $ creed $ $ 40 $ big hurt is ruler of the earth $ bighurt $ $ 41 $ dead people, nasty thoughts, and colored glue $ bighurt $ $ 42 $ bbs softwares/internet $ hooch $ $ 43 $ abandon thy gods! from yonder cometh y0lk! $ creed $ $ 44 $ mogel's own very special personalized $1 y0lk issue $ phorce $ $ 45 $ your burro is no jackass! $ creed $ $ 46 $ rollerskates, indians, eagles and cougars $ creed $ $ 47 $ outer space, ice cream, streetcars and gophers $ creed $ $ 48 $ Evan the genius becomes enlightened and melts his face off $ creed $ $ 49 $ 6 insignificant ziners in a bowling microcosm of life $ creed $ $ 50 $ the best of the worst $ creed $ $ 51 $ the prince of darkness versus some guy named dave $ trip $ $ 52 $ ode to my feet $ creed $ $ 53 $ hopelessly lost $ poots $ $ 54 $ the schoolhouse r0x!# $ phorce $ $ 55 $ campbell's chicken-noodle soup omen of death $ creed $ $ 56 $ dead cats $ juke $ $ 57 $ my inner taco $ handle $ $ 58 $ my place, or yours? $ mercuri $ $ 59 $ how to really use that spiffy monopoly money $ lumpy $ $ 60 $ struggle wif the giant pink elephant $ lucifer $ $ 61 $ why did the chicken cross the road? $ insane $ $ 62 $ y0lk test pattern $ mutter $ $ 63 $ ELiTE LiT from the master himself $ creed $ $ 64 $ creed's k-rad lit archives, volume two $ creed $ $ 65 $ UNSOPHISTICATED FASCIST BASTARDS. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME. $ creed $ $ 66 $ how y0lk saved my life (sorta) $ creed $ $ 67 $ shiny nickles, no more TP, and shitty knuckles $ ideal $ $ 68 $ some puppet plays $ phorce $ $ 69 $ "... Hello operator ..." $ mutter $ $ 70 $ i bit my nail, now my finger is bleeding. $ traq $ $ 71 $ battle of the ants $ rage $ $ 72 $ fun on the phone $ ideal $ $ 73 $ yabba-dabba do, scooby-dooby do, and many other mysteries..$ handle $ $ 74 $ i love you as my own mother $ sphrog $ $ 75 $ jamesy and the giant slinky $ jamesy $ $ 76 $ do not fuck with the big and hairy bears $ murmur $ $ 77 $ horror story $ oeb $ $ 78 $ dat wh0re $ s.sheep $ $ 79 $ the ewok rant $ taraxis $ $ 80 $ the arcade avenger $ tao $ $ 81 $ the night before 2600 $ d.cheez $ $ 82 $ journey into the mind of a no-brained counterculturist $ taraxis $ $ 83 $ a generic y0lk file $ mogel $ $ 84 $ cultural inclination? $ m.head $ $ 85 $ australia through the eyes of a spoon $ spoony $ $ 86 $ the life of a demented sysop $ spoony $ $ 87 $ little johnny carpenter $ franman $ $ 88 $ phan male $ ideal $ $ 89 $ bighurt is back!# $ bighurt $ $ 90 $ the discovery channel $ sphrog $ $ 91 $ fruitopia caps!@#$ $ bighurt $ $ 92 $ the story of carla $ trip $ $ 93 $ a joltcola y0lk $ joltcola$ $ 94 $ spinsane's story $ spinsane$ $ 95 $ fish pillows, mothers, and limericks $ sphrog $ $ 96 $ cOsmic revelations, fever induced flashbacks, and pedOph...$ spinsane$ $ 97 $ stinky cheese and the seven messy petes $ joltcola$ $ 98 $ what i've seen of y0lk really sucks $ kojak $ $ 99 $ the badness steps out and takes a solo $ various $ "T$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$T" ---(infoez)------------------------------------------------------------------- if you see your name on that chart, you are a y0lk member, whether you like it or not. if you are a y0lk member, you have a y0lk member board, et cetera. phorce is the head samurai of y0lk!@ beware!# hooch is the stupendous chief shephard of y0lk. mindcrime is a crazed oriental looking for revenge. [clarification: mindcrime may actually be a y0lk member. no one knows.] heil creed. to get all the rest of the y0lks, ftp://ftp.openix.com/ftp/phorce/y0lk or... call our world headquarters, erebus, at 201-762-1373. k-rad. *or*... look for "y0lkb0t" on irc, efnet. type "@y0lk (number)" for y0lks. _OR_... ATTENTION y0lkies!# join the y0lk mailing list!# chat about y0lk and all them other zines, too!# email listserv@magsystems.com with the line "subscribe y0lk" in the body of the message. OR! *new* alt.zines.y0lk! subscribe today! yes, folks, YOU can READ the NEWSGROUP alt.zines.y0lk! isn't that special? join y0lknet too. thank phorce. if you have ANY normal internet provider, you can read alt.zines.y0lk!@ OR OR OR!@ the *official* y0lk html is at http://www.openix.com/~phorce/y0lk OR!# coming soon! micro ("pirate") radio!# a y0lk hour-of-fun ON THE AIR!# (sorry, available only for those in the northern new jersey area.) don't you feel like you're getting a little too much information here? couldn't we just show our ftp site and shut up? it's just sad that we have to advertise all our cheap media at the bottom of every textfile like this. what a bunch of losers we are. ... ---(encore y0lk!##!)---------------------------------------------------------- attention, peoples!##! here it is: the official y0lk #99 encore performance!##! ... a lovely piece featuring crank, kaynine, tMM, and big hurt, with Gaurdian and Vanir as supporting roles. read and love through all 600 lines. ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- a log and a rebuttal - big hurt ---(y0lk)--------------------------------------------------------------------- a special log from some guys in #zines that try to make me look queer. [ed. note: queer?! they never mentioned big hurt being gay#!!#!] (the log) crank; hmm. i was hoping you would come to like arizona and hang out with me and we could get drunk. bahahahaha hey, yeah! that's a pretty good idea, hurt! hey! hurt, wanna go smoke crack with me?! tmm; umm, no. i dont do those drugs. do you do any drugs, hurt? crank; no. hurt: why not? hurt: why not? just curious. tmm & crank; because i play baseball year round and i dont need drugs fucking up my career. career? hurt: don't you consider alcohol to be a drug? erf.. brb * tMM is i d l e crank; yeah, but i dont hardly even drink. not for a long time. I don't do any drugs, big hurt. I would never get drunk with you. I would never get drunk with anyone. tmm; yeah. i have a good chance at making it pro pitching some day. possibly with the arizona diamondbacks in 1998. I would never get drunk alone. *** crank changes topic to "big hurt == the male girlie17." baha whoaoa crank; yeah, change that topic. i dont like it. * crank whistles innocently. hurt: and what if I say N0!@#?$!#? crank; then, i'm gonna write about it in my diary. so there. hurt: awesome! greet me! say "crank is my friend!#" say "she told me so#!@" and then you will be cool and accepted. crank; not yj, my diary. but, i will like greet you in yj. ok! yeah. remember to say "kaynine threatened me physically." big hurt, tell me your real name. kaynine; okay. here is what it will say for you: "hi kaynine. she threatened to fondle me. so i had to." oops. wrong saying. dood? uh. i think you didn't hear me, batboy. you push with crank, and you're pushing me. crank; i can't. i work for the gov't. and in my gov't rule book i'm not allowed to reveal myself or real name. but we will call me hurt for now. is your real name LEO? crank; no. it is john. crank; it says it in the very first issue of yj. hi, john! watch this. john. hmm. i'm 19, 6'6", 330lbs, extremely protective, and if you ever think about even saying something that dumb again, i'll mangle you into A FUCKING CHEEZ DOODLE. remember it! what are your names? my name is habib I'm steve. hi habib. i'll cause you pain of an unspeakable kind. kaynine i believe you. whats up? crank; i thought you said you were a women. my name is rj. I am. the name steve is non-gender specific. you'll know me by my portable stormcloud. pahaha crank; i guess it could be. but i've never heard of a female with the name steve. woa. that is cool anyhow. stevie nicks? yeah. really. and I like to chew tobaccey. sheesh oh yeah hurt: do you chew on the field? tobacco is bad for you. so is alcohol so is baseball so is the computer. tmm; nope. cant. and if i could, i wouldnt. that's why I don't chew or smoke it! i don't drink, i don't smoke, and i don't toke. i'm the cleanest man alivee! alive! remember. rj. remember that name. okay. rj = serial killah! hurt, I have a confession. *** mercuri (jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net) has joined #zines *** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o mercuri [mercuri] http://www.pla-net.net/~jwapienn/merc/ I lied to you. my name's not steve. it's johann. hi can you ever forgive me? and i'm peewee. my name is jonas we travel the forest in search of smurfs crank; no. fuck you. you lied to me. i'm gonna go crazy. you aren't already? oh yeah? uh, pardon me. did you just swear at me? hm? eh? oh yeah motherfucker?! hey rj! hey, rj! he swore at me! GET HIM! AWW YEAH crank; umm, no. i didnt. that was the bad side of mr hurt. IT'S ON NOW BITCH uh come on bitz hurt: apologize and I'll call him off. i'll beat you into a "big hurt" crank; i'm so sorry. will you every fogive me. hah. *** mercuri (jwapienn@earth12.ts.pla-net.net) has left #zines awesome. hey, rj!" tmm, i'm stopping by your house on the way back. hurt: I don't sense enough sincerity! rad! we'll drink his beer! doh lish.. the long knife, or the two short ones? rj: the two short ones. try not to cut too deeply. ok. brb * tMM is gone - pizza crank; if you dont believe me, then i'm taking your greet out of yj4. hurt: DON'T THREATEN ME, PONQ. I'LL HAVE YOU BEATEN INTO A WRITHING, BLOODY OOZE. oh yeah crank. *** hurt (lowen@goodnet.com) has left #zines hahaha hahahaha *** hurt (lowen@goodnet.com) has joined #zines ahahahaha. that showed you. OKAY, HURT I FORGIVE YOU I'M SORYR YOU SHOWED ME mm. i can't find that clip. I AM HUMBLED i am humbled. where the fuck is my other clip?! shit.. crank; good. lets be friends. okay. ok! hey, everyone! I'm friends with big hurt! *** crank changes topic to " crank; good. lets be friends. okay." yeah, i have some friends for big hurt. are they sharp friends, rj? will they smart? kaynine; what are you going to do with the clip. shoot me. ha ha! yep. (gulp) hahahaha he thinks i'm kidding! hahahaha or, at least, i'll shoot _at_ you. i'm not a good shot. (hurt runs around in circles looking for a place to hide. trying to dodge the bullets from kaynine's massive gun.) oh yeah. this is gonna be fun. lish, i should be back in a couple of days. please tell kim, and i'll just hope to talk to her when i get back. i hope the car starts. bye ---(later...)----------------------------------------------------------------- *** jobu has joined #zines *** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o jobu [jobu] w00f hey aaron. tmm; i ... i ... i didn't mean too ... i just couldnt resist crank. (sniff, sniff) crank what the fuck is up with rj?? jobu: big hurt here pissed him off. he jsut came in here and was screaming and i couldn't get him to stop crank; i guess i did. i was just playing around with you crank. holy fuck hes mad you took it way too far with rj, hurt. dude big men that are mad scare me. jobu: can you calm him down? I dunno if he found the clips, but he was sure looking for them. aww SHIT.!? he took the clips!# I don't know. he found one. dude crank; sorry. didnt mean too. fuck he took the bat too. rj is fucken crazy oh wlel.. who is the lucky fuck? I don't know why you keep that shit around, aaron. you know how rj is. jobu: hurt. HEY.. HE BUYS IT ahh. jobu; can you tell me what rj looks like? Uh. huge. scary. he's like 6 5 and 300 or so. hes got brown hair, but i saw some dye in the bathroom.. lemme go check jobu; can you send me a photo of him. * jobu is away loking for the dye ok.. he's going to be big and have really black hair holy shit. he took the razors. he's going to be cuting himself on the way. haha your fucked. good luck hes gonna be bleeding on the arms and face jobu; well, just tell send me a photo. jobu; what is his full name? fuck. you think he'd want me to do that? i'm not as stupid as you are hurt: how many fucking huge guys are after you that you can't identify this one? *** tMM has quit IRC (Ping timeout) i dont want him kickin my ass dumbshit his name is rj, but he'll be going by 'aaron largent' prolly he has some id for it. crank; well, i will find out where he lives. then i will send out my hitman to get him. i seriosly have a friend that knows hitman. and if he is really come to get me, then he will be elimated as they say. hahahaha hahahahah elimated? ELIMATED? YOU'RE GOING TO ELIMATE HIM? hurt, he's already gone. OH GOD!#@#$! crank; yeah. i said elimated. that is what they call it. you fuck with big hurt, you get fucked. *** tMM (jlantz@netcom8.netcom.com) has joined #zines *** y0lkb0t sets mode: +o tMM *** crank changes topic to " and if he is really come to get me, then he will be elimated." I've always wanted to kill someone I didn't know. Sort of a fantasy. hahaha kid you got big problems If you have no MOTIVE, it's tough to convict, ya know? 320 POUNDS of problems jobu; no i dont got big problems, since you are the one that is kaynine or whatever. Would anyone REALLY believe that a nice guy like me would break into someone's house, not steal anything, and kill someone in cold blood for no reason? Of course not. *** Vanir (~god@peo24.mtco.com) has joined #zines not. haha this is my account. hahahaha ello hey matt you think a big guy like rj is going to have the mind to buy an account on his own? duh. jobu; i believe you. but you logged off and changed handles. he's big. not smart. duh. we use the same local system. it's the same fucking account. they go to the same school dumbass. hahahaha jobu; anyways if rj just left, then my hitmen would be able to track him down after i connect to the system and find out where he lives. is that so? crank; yeah it is. but, i believe this conversation has gone to far. hitman? hahaha you're assuming that you can find him. which yuou CANT!!@#!$ jobu; i cant find him, but my friends hitmen can. sure they can is this mafia or just some gang-bang shit? are you a whigger, hurt? hahahaha tmm; this is mafia. it is a family thing. hurt: what family? hurt: you're in the MAFIA?! hurt: my grandfather knows a lot of mafia stuff.. i'm italian myself. hurt: the mafia != twelve year olds with bb guns. crank; i'm part of it. the italian mafia. oyeah? do you own the par-a-dice casino in east peoria by any chance? hurt: what family? hurt: what family? hurt: what family? hurt: what family? boy. i'm glad he left. i get all his chinese food. umm. :> hurt: just wondering!# crank; buddy ol pal, that was a stupid question to ask. buddy ol pal? when did daffy duck get on? crank, what did dumbass there say? I asked if he owned the par-a-dice casinos. no no no no? what did he say to make rj all mad an shit? oh! heh. he was insulting crank like more shit about me and getting drunk with him. you know how damned protective he is of me. the one thing that rj will go ballistic about hey hurt holy shit. good job dumbass jesus. you remember what happened the last time.... is he still on probation? I don't think so .. don't you know about crank being his sis and all? I wonder how the other guy is doing with his wheelchair. maybe he can loan it to you you still haven't answered me WHAT FAMILY ARE YOU A PART OF?! he still walks with a limp. I saw him on the quad the other day at isu and he tried to avoid me. heh. well, at least he's recovered that far. You know what'd be cool? A mailbomb! You could sign the card "The REAL Unibomber" and maybe get Kacyznski off the hook. CRANK IS HIS SISTER DUMBASS. YOU STILL THINK YOU'RE FUCKING SAFE HAHAHA why is hurt not talking? too busy cleaning up his 'accident'. seriously. our family is so tight. heh, apparently, if he's willing to dismember for me. dood no shit he said that he was gonna fuck whoever this shithead is up good.. *** CTCP PING reply from hurt: 58 seconds i hope he fuckin bought pizza before he left * jobu is away lookin for dinner tmm; yeah. what. i was taking a piss. and it is the silician mafia. does that answer your question? silician? is that supposed to be sicillian? like silicon mafia? hahaha *** crank changes topic to " and it is the silician mafia." tmm; oops my bad. sicilian. YOU CAN'T EVEN SPELL YOUR OWN FAMILIES NAME?! you are either : 1. stupid 2. lying i vote fo the latter jobu: is rj still on all those weird psychoactive drugs? no. he ran out. the doc said he shouldn't be out in public, but he just woudlnt listen only relafin. the others they took him off when he started seeing things. oh, ok. well, that's something in hurt's favor. not really hes still on roids the valium only slowed him down hurt: yeah right first of all THERE IS NO SICILIAN MAFIA there is no unified sicilian mafia it's broken up into a bunch of different famies tmm; dont tell me what to do. just dont. Hahaha... silicon mafia. That's kinda cool, actually. hurt: what did i tell you waht to do? I TOLD YOU THAT YOU WERE WRONG NOT WHAT TO DO tmm; fuck you. yes, there is. how would you even know. tell me that. its not like we go around all that time saying, yep, i'm part of the sicilian mafia. hurt: you are doing exactly that. crank! did you hear me!@? he STILL ON STEROIDS. fuck. never mind yeesh. i'm gettin' my pizza now well. and i know because i am italian and my grandfather has a lot of friends from chicago and cincinnati i lived in cincinnati for five years. I hope you have time to get anohter yellow journal out, hurt. before you lose the use of your body. sheesh hurt tmm; i'm not doing that. you asked me what family i'm in and i answered the fucking question. no there is no sicilian family thats a fucking country not a family duh tmm; have you ever lived in new york. no. i was born and raised there. that is where we came into the country. where it orginated. * Gaurdian is laughing at the dead man walking hurt: wow.. my grandfather immigrated from ITALY and what does being born in new york do for you? give you lung cancer from all the pollution gives you an accent. tmm; like so did my grandfather and my dad was born there. tmm; do you know anything about the italian mafia. I JUST TOLD YOU my grandfather has friends. HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT HE TOOK THE HAMMER. HAHAHA when he immigrated over he lived in the upper peninsula of michigan then moved down to chicago right before the war. at least that big dumshit bought food b4 he went nnuts dude hurt, your attempt to intimidate me really doesn't work tmm; most of the big italia mafia makes there home in new york, but there is other famalies throughout the country. "dont' tell me what to do, just don't" yeah i know that. and there is no sicilian family a bunch of families might constitute a mafia from sicily tmm; how do you know? how did you find out about that? but there is no one unified mafia I JUST TOLD YOU my grandfather has friends. i am not in it. um. does anyone know if rj said anything about kansas? he was supposed to pick up some fireworks and other shit he once was. he told me a lot of stuff because i asked. tmm; did you just ask your grandfathers friends. no i asked my grandfather. is he there right now. hey crank! yeah? did he say anything about kansas? So, uh. Anyway. What good is being in the mafia supposed to do you, anyway? with me? nope he still lives in cincinnati i don't live there anymore. oh, uh, he said hurt was on the way, so I assume he's heading elsewhere, but he didn't specify. he's going to have hitmen get rj ok. cool shit then how can you ask him the question of is there family by that name. you cant. so dont go jumping the gun. but you may have to, hurt! ha ha! uhm i didn't jump a gun i used to talk to him about families and it just so happens that in THE GODFATHER there was a family called the corleone family that some people called the SICILIAN mafia i asked him if that was true he said there is no unity in the mafia just a bunch of families looking out for themselves tmm; cool it. it is a expression. hurt: what is an expression he just doesn't understand. when rj goes, it's not just a fit of rage. hey! remember what rj did to that revrend guy? haha. god he couldn't even walk withougt pissing his pants you know, I bet hurt doesn't believe any of this. that's the best part. hurt: don't change your story tmm; well guess what. you caught me lieing. which you probably already knew. but, thanks to you, i learned alot about the italian mafia. but, i really do have a friend that is part italian and his father's whole enter family is in it, except for his father. it's too bad we won't be getting a picture of hurt's face when rj shows up .. well, before it's broken, that is. wow he plans everything weeks in advance. that gives him a lot of time to get people together... that was hard. hey, it's good to admit to that stuff. crank; i know. You're not going to find a hitman who's gonna do a job for you, hurt. You little punk. why don't you do it yourself he couldnt take rj!@# FUCK! hahahahahahhahahAHAH that still doesn't change the fact that rj is coming to fuck you up man. you may have been lying but we're not.... guardian; my friends drug dealer has hitmen, which my friend could hire for free. since he buys so much. Ha. That's just talk. oooh it's a brother-thang hurt is all talk They'll say stuff like that, but they won't follow through. he's nothing "oh, sure I'll off a guy for you! what, oh, no charge. you sell me so much shit, man, this one's free!#" this guy's a moron. Nothing comes free. err... a dead moron... tmm; everyone is all talk. i am not buy one hit get one free Ha. I really would kill for free... just once. I'd like to follow someone around for a few weeks, ya know. Watch their house. Never use cars, just go on foot... That'd just rule. Figure out when they come and go... when they're alone... i mean every word i say here and back up my words. and do not lie that doesn't constitute "all talk." tmm; so i lied. i sinned. i have no god to forgive me. i dont give a rats ass. i have my own beliefs. which are? your beliefs won't save your body, hurt. tmm; i dont feel like talking about them with you. FUCK FUCK FUCK you better make your peace with god before rj gets there because you are going to see him quick THE WHOLE FUCKING DOORFRAME IS FUCKING RUINED both rj and god. to think like awhile ago this place was dead and i've got everyone talking. i'm so wonderful. THATS FUCKING 400 BUCKS yeah pat yourself on the back. it always gets busy this time of night. THERES FUCKING PLASTER ALL OVER FUCK eulogies always bring traffic tmm; now that is all talk. I said that the last time somebody fucked w/ crank. hurt: what is all talk? crank why didn't you try to stop him??!! shit. i don't have the money to replace the door FUCK! tmm; that someone is coming to get me. when he doesnt even now my last name and he barely knows the state i live in. no it isn't rj is going to visit you. that's reality he knows your last name jobu: he left before I could say much. I tried, but you KNOW how he is. don't blame me if my brother is fucking psycho. FUCKING A tmm; how do you know? and no he doesnt. because i barely told him my first name. BUT WHO'S GONNA PAY FOR MY FUCKING DOOR?!??!?? we will somehow, aaron. john mitchell correct? shit i fucking hate his fucking temper. tmm; yes, but you either checked your chat logs or just looked at the yj issues. didnt you? am i correct? IF I KNOW THEN RJ KNOWS no dood he has a hugeass list of names and stufff he's got like all these friends on the west coast hes awesome at finding people. there's stuff available to the public that will map someone email address right to the street it's from. if you don't believe me, try lycos' roadmap. he knows you and where you live so i suggest you get a REALLy good apology ready. vanir; i got one for him. i'll shove my gun up his ass and blow him to fuck. is that good. hahahahha you won't do it in time. hahahhahha you forget. how tall are you, hurt? 6'8" HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA right. how tall are you, hurt? 6'8" HAHAHAHHA god. your gonna die is that 5'8? and 247. and its gonna be funny ---(cameo!#)------------------------------------------------------------------- *** _echs_ (exodus@ns2.pla-net.net) has joined #zines <_echs_> pHR^cREed^r3liSh m0g^m3rcUri^m3rcUri dT0^m3rcUri^cREed^0Pz^cH3M ch0c^rAd^m0g^m0rph^b3liAl pHR^cREed^r3liSh (z1N3t4lk) *** _echs_ (exodus@ns2.pla-net.net) has left #zines ---(cameo!#)------------------------------------------------------------------- crank; no. 6'8" yeah right 6'8 bahahaha crank it doesn't matter how tall he is. 247. he still has a good seventy pounds on you. 6'8" 247 and its all bone. heh shit this is horse shit. i like how all of you lie. uh huh. yeah. yeah you lie too.... i guess you are one of us!@ *** hurt has quit IRC (Leaving) hurt: you oughta sell real estate hurt: do you have an unnaturally large head? oh man! NO hahaha. HE LEFT cut the log. send it up. Oh. like if we're lying and shit, we always have to pay for all the shit he fucks up. i just got done helping with hostpital bills. i'm not going to pay for yours either, dumbass hahaha Man... ya know, height and weight mean fucking NOTHING. true. but he wouldn't know that. *** Signoff: hurt (Leaving) *** Signoff: hurt (Leaving) *** Signoff: hurt (Leaving) thank you, thank you rj! logs! matt saw merely half! I know a guy, he much be under 5'8", but he could so damn beat the crap out of people. i'll log off, edit them, and send them up. rj hmm? coolio Shit, he was a double blackbelt or something, and he didn't seem to feel pain. start it around where he asks me to get drunk with him. I think that's good. ok. hahaha ok. brb i should put that in relish "fuckin' shit up" ---(the end)------------------------------------------------------------------- this is the end of the log. see they even said they were going to edit it. i believe i got part of the edited version. you can tell kaynine who logged this was playing a joke on me when he logs off and then relogs on to capture the rest. there was a part left out between that time that i said he was full of crap and he aint going to get me. i went along with his shit. so i'm clearing that up with everyone right now. - big hurt ---(the real end)-------------------------------------------------------------- well, this is it. you've read through the ENTIRE y0lk. email me and i'll lavish you with love and affection. (that's phorce@nexxus.novasys.com) if you've just skipped ahead to read this, then FUCK YOU. HMMPH. "what a bunch of losers we are." -- creed