_the plight of the lonely and ignored,
                  and their interactions with people who
                       are PERFECTLY FINE, thank you_

                               - by styx


      dear you,

      oh, isn't it horrid?  you have a conversation with somebody *once* and
 suddenly they feel like they have every right to have further interactions
 with you because they can.

      there's this regular that comes by my work (a gas station) once a week
 (on friday nights at approximately 9:35p.m.) and after seeing my face in the
 booth for the hundredth time he decides that it's "about time we get
 acquainted!"  i did not invite him to talk to me.  infact, there's very
 little about me that screams "oh, do please be my friend!  i'm a great guy!"
 i'm a dirty, unshaven patchouli-wearin' pseudo-hippie, okay?  leave me
 alone.

      so anyway, this guy introduces himself as "dave!  i'm dave!" and
 proceeds to wait for me to ask him for his name.  i didn't ask him because i
 do not care what his name is.  i didn't mean to give him a straight answer
 when he finally asked me for it.  i don't know what came over me, but i told
 him my name in the hopes that he'd be satisfied enough to walk back to his
 truck so i could continue reading my book.  so now he knows my name.  that
 means that whenever he comes by my station, he calls me by it and is under
 this strange impression that we are great pals.

      "matt!  hey!  how you doing?"

      "i'm perfectly fine, thank you."

      "great!  so.. how has your night been?"

      "fine."

      ETCETERA.  this man is very disturbed.. or so i thought.

      i've come to realize that most everybody is like this dave guy and i am
 afraid.

      i do not live in a big town.  there are 4 gas stations here, which
 means that roughly one out of four of the driving populace here knows me as
 "that guy behind the glass."  they feel perfectly justified in striking
 conversations with me.  there's nothing wrong with being friendly and
 there's nothing wrong with small talk.  what's wrong about it is assuming i
 give half a fuck about you or your kids or the front page of the newspaper
 or your latest car troubles or why the gas prices are high or what happened
 at the 7-11 last night.  oh, there are the nice customers that i run into
 outside of work.  they give me polite nods or they say hi and that's great.
 i *like* that, just like any normal human being would.  hell, it's nice to
 be known and liked.

      it is not nice to be interrupted from your daily errands and routines
 by somebody who needs a friend.  i'm not the guy for you, believe me, dave!
 i can't make your day any better no matter what i do because i don't care.
 i'm a horrible conversationalist.  i don't like my job and i don't like
 being reminded of it.

      the things these people like dave come up with are ridiculous.


      default ice-breaker #1 - "hey, i know you!  shouldn't you be at work?
                                hehehe!"

      default ice-breaker #2 - "hey, i know you!  think you could hook me up
                                with some free gas next time i come in?
                                hehehe!"

      default ice-breaker #3 - "hey, i know you!  so, does it get boring 
                                sitting in a booth all night?  hehehe!"


      WHY YES, IT GETS VERY BORING, STUPID.

      did you know that if your adrenaline pumps fast enough and hard enough
 and you're smoking a cigarette at the same time, you can actually make the
 entire universe implode unintentionally?

      one thing i have learned is that if you are on a first-name basis with
 somebody, you are automatically obligated to be cordial with them.  it's
 like in those old medieval texts about demons.  if you know their name, you
 can control them.  that idea wasn't so far-fetched, you know.  once they say
 "hey matt!" i am trapped in a painful, nauseating interaction and there's
 not a damned thing i can do about it.  if i tell them to drop dead, they
 will say "what's wrong, matt?"  see?  they know my name and then i feel like
 shit.  but if i hadn't told them my name, and i tell them to drop dead, then
 they'll say "what's wrong?"  see?  they don't know my name.  now they're
 much easier to handle.

      so anyway, this is my proposition.

      stop talking to people and stay home.  all of you.

      thanks for your time and shut up.

      sincerely,

      styx.