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y0lk #116: "true love #2", by kreid

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        It had been such a simple day.  A perfectly simple day, really,

because it was really quite memorable and yet almost completely effortless.

Probably the way life would be if people didn’t have so much shit to put up

with all the time.



        That's really a terribly vague judgment, but there isn't much to say

about it at all besides that.  What I mean is, if we lived in a utopia, which

I believe is quite possible, every day would probably just work out like the

one I'm going to describe to you right now.  Effortless and memorable, or

memorably effortless, or however you feel like saying it.



        It was a Sunday and I had absolutely nothing to do, but I was feeling

motivated enough to leave the house and go do something that day, rather than

just sit on my ass and play nintendo.  I really wish I could get myself to do

that every day.  It certainly would be a more healthy lifestyle than the shit

I put myself through on a regular basis.  Anyway, I wake up around noontime

and I shower and watch the television for about 15 minutes while I prepare

myself for the day, putting my socks on and all that tedious routine crap.

I finish up with that idiocy and then, in an unusual gesture, I just get

right into my car and drive out the driveway, not really knowing where to go.



        I decided firstly that I would need some breakfast.  I had missed

dinner on the previous day and was feeling some sharp pangs in my stomach

which were quite troublesome.  So I drove, maybe ten miles, to the town

where I grew up.  Mind you, I'm still not quite grown up, I'm eighteen as I'm

writing this to you now, but I went to elementary school in this little town

and moved out when I was about ten.  I know for a fact that there's a really

nice diner in this town so I decide to get my breakfast/lunch there.



        I went to the diner and ate toast with strawberry jelly, since my

stomach is feeling quite fragile from all the alcohol I had drunk that

Saturday night.  I did not have a hangover, just a general shitty feeling

about me which I did not wish to enhance.  Anyway, the meal is just fine, and

I eat it nice and slowly because I have no fucking idea what I'm going to do

that day, right?  But I'm feeling great about myself, despite my queasy

stomach, I'm really motivated and feeling quite clean and healthy.  I want to

do something to take the edge off my life, as sitting around and playing

nintendo on a Sunday can really be quite stressful on a person like me.

And hanging out with friends was out, I was just bored sick with all of them,

really, after seeing all of them drunk the night before.  I wanted to do

something new, and to relax.



        So I decide on what to do that day, as I'm tossing back the last

little bit of my jellied toast, and smiling all the while.  I decide that I'm

going to take a walk around the old neighborhood, and see my old school, and

ponder all that golden days bullshit while I'm getting some fresh air.  It

sounded like a such a great idea in my head, and I'm really happy with

myself.  Really impressed by my own motivation.  And my stomach, at this

point, is beginning to settle.  I felt such a calm, like that was what

Sundays were supposed to be about, you know?



        I leave ten bucks on the table of the diner to pay for my toast and

to tip the nice lady that served it to me.  A stupid gesture, actually, I'm

always short of cash, but money was not really mattering to me that day, so I

decide to squander it and make a waitress feel happy and good about herself.

That seemed worthy of ten bucks, why not?  It was Sunday for everybody, even

the waitresses.  Anyway, I throw this money down on my table and walk out of

the little diner and into my black car, then I start the motor and zigzag

down a few streets and park my car right next to where I used to live.  I sit

in the car for a while and look at the house, there, looking in all the

windows and remembering the stupid little things that went on in each of

those rooms every day.  I couldn't see the window to my own old room, because

it doesn't face the street, but it doesn't bother me too much.  After looking

at the house a bit, I decide to get out of the car and I consider ringing the

doorbell and asking to have a look around the house, but I decided not to

bother the nice family that lived there.  Best to get on with my life and my

Sunday stroll.



        And I walk down every little street, looking at the houses that all

my old friends lived in and remembering this and that.  Thinking about it

now, it's really quite boring, but sometimes boredom can be so satisfying.  I

guess that's how I was feeling at that point.  After I walk about a mile

through the old residential area I start to get really bored and decide maybe

I'll head back to my car.  But then, fortunately for me, I look up on one of

the little colonial house porches and I see a familiar face sitting there,

and what do you know, she's reading a book.  Not something you see every day,

really, a teenager, a girl, and she's dressed in all black and she's just

sitting there reading a book, in the summertime, no less.  Really, it's quite

an arousing thought to a bastard like me who just can't help himself from

being fixated by mental shit like that.  A girl, and she's quite good

looking, and she's reading a fucking book, and I *know* her, she used to go

to elementary school with me.  It doesn't seem uncommon, sure, but it's such

a prize to me, you just rarely see such a thing with a life as dull as mine.

I wonder what the book is that she's reading.



        I am feeling oh-so friendly on that Sunday afternoon, so I decide to

go up to this girl's porch and have a chat with her.  Maybe she's not the

social type, but neither am I, so I hoped we'd get along.  The book she's

reading, I see, is _Crome Yellow_, by Aldous Huxley.  I haven't read it, but

I plan to soon.  I'm sure it's a decent book.  Aldous Huxley, I see an old

picture of his face on the back of the book, he had to be one hell of a guy.

I heard he was into LSD, somewhere, that he had his wife give it to him on

his death bed or something.  I'm sure he was a great guy, I can just tell,

looking at him on the back of that book.  I move my glance away from the book

and have a seat next to this girl, and I'm not going to mention her name or

mine, so forget about that.  But I haven't spoken a word to this girl, and

I'm sitting next to her on this porch, and I'm sure she recognizes me from

way back when.  But she looks at her book for like 30 seconds more like she's

finishing a paragraph or something, then she closes the book without marking

her place and takes a good look directly in my eyes.  Nonchalantly, she says

to me:



        "Hey, Dave."



        Oh, shit, I know I've said I'm not going to reveal my name to you and

all, but what the fuck, you know, I don't want to kill the whole effect of

it.  So my name's Dave, big fucking deal.



        I tell the girl hello and how are you doing and all that crap.  She

seems unimpressed by the chit-chat, but very open to hear whatever I've got

to say.  I read all this from the look in her eye and decide to cut to some

more meaningful conversation.  I ease into it by telling her how fucking

great it is to get off your ass once in a while and do something completely

pointless but unusual, like take a walk around an old town.  Yeah, she says,

it's stupid that we all just make routines and all that shit.  Sitting on a

porch and reading can be just as self-destructive as masturbating or playing

nintendo by yourself, if you do it enough.  I say I know, and I really

fucking relate to that.  It's hard to make something of every day, but really

satisfying when you do.



        We have this little conversation about how it sucks that we waste our

lives the way we do.  I won't bore you with the details, but I can tell you

the conversation lasts about three quarters of an hour.  I find out that this

girl is into heroin, and she reads and writes, and neither of us can believe

the luck of meeting on this Sunday, because we both can see a great

friendship in the making.  I suggest a change of scenery and she suggests

that we go to the coffee shop downtown, and I'm not really into the whole

coffee shop scene, but I decide it could be nice to hang out there and talk

for a while indoors.



        So we both go, and it's a half a mile to get there, but we're

enjoying our company and having a good time talking to each other, so it's no

bother, although I'm glad when we get there because my legs were starting to

get a little tired.  I think of my car and how I'll eventually have to walk a

mile and a half back to get to it.  Fuck it, though, because the expedition

has surely been worth it.  We get a seat on some couch in the coffee shop and

we're talking all the while, and she's laughing at my jokes and all that

shit.  She orders a black coffee and I say I'm ordering nothing, but the

fucking place has a one drink minimum so I order a coke, which I don't plan

on drinking.  We talk a little and then the drinks come and then there's a

short silence while this girl takes a sip of her coffee and I say:



        "I can't drink caffeine, I've promised myself not to."



        "Why the hell is that?"  She looks interested but not surprised.

        

        "It kills sperm.  I can't bring myself to do that."  I think she

takes that to mean that I'm a sex maniac, and she smiles at me.  I'm not a

sex maniac, I'm practically a virgin, but I don't bother to say anything

about it.  I think she understands that I'm not the type of guy to be

interested in loveless sex.



        There's some really fucking bad music playing in there quite loudly,

so I'm raising my voice to say all this.  It doesn't look like she's going to

reply so I keep talking.  "I think my body is too chemically unstable

for that shit, anyway.  Last time I had coffee I broke into sweats all night

and I woke up the next morning with some kind of fucked-up hangover.  I

prefer a glass of orange juice anytime."  Brief pause.  "It might make me

look immature and all that bullshit, but it's what makes me feel good, so

fuck everybody else."  Another brief pause.  She's drinking her coffee and

she's still smiling at me, kind of seductive-like.  "I'm not a fucking health

nut or anything, but I know my body is just too sensitive for a lot of that

shit.  It just goes to show you how weak I really am, despite my

hard-as-nails exterior, right?"  She laughs at this because she can see how

skinny and unthreatening I am, despite my being six foot three.  I'm really

fucking happy, and relaxed with this girl.  It has been an amazing day,

really.



        But this is the part of the story where it gets interesting, right?

Not because we go off and fuck and shoot heroin or any of that happily ever

after shit, but because my whole day just fucking slips away from underneath

me.  It turns from a relaxing little Sunday venture to a fucked-up disruption

of my quaint little life.  No, we didn't go back to her place and we didn't

fuck and we didn't shoot heroin.  Not at all.  I really fucking wish that

could have happened, but it didn't.  Let me just tell you know how quickly my

life got turned to the completely fucking insane mess that it is now:



        Me and the girl are sitting and talking and I'm just so sure that

things are going to work out great between us, right?  We're in this coffee

shop for about two hours, and we're really enjoying ourselves.  But I notice

that there's this shady-looking character sitting across the room from me,

with gray hair and dressed real nice, in some kind of dark gray suit with

expensive shoes and all that.  And for like half an hour, he keeps making eye

contact with me, like, looking at me for a while and then looking away real

quick once I catch sight of him, right?  Then after he's through with that

little game, he puts on these sunglasses, and mind you the place is really

dim, it being a coffee shop and all.  But with these sunglasses on I can tell

he's still staring at me with this girl, but we're not making eye contact

anymore.  It's all quite mysterious and pissing me off just the slightest

bit, like my perfect Sunday could be ruined because of this fuck.  But I try

to ignore him.



        Anyway, he's staring at us for like two straight hours, and we're

getting ready to go back to her place, which is really great, but then this

guy gets up and walks across the coffee shop and sits himself down right next

to me.  It seems just too fucking shady to me, I don't like it at all.  And

I'm waiting for him to say whatever the fuck's on his mind so we can get out

of there, but he's just sitting there and smiling, being all dramatic-like.

Then as soon as I'm ready to walk away from the fucker, he decides to open

his mouth and say something:



        "How would you two kids like to make one thousand dollars?"



        Now this is the kind of thing that when you hear, you should really

just walk away, especially when you hear it from a shady fucker like this

one.  But one thousand dollars, you know, we're young at we can't help but be

intrigued.  So we let the gray fucker finish what he has to say.  I tell him

to "go on with it, then," and he does.



        "Okay, kids,"  I don't like how he's calling us kids so much.  He

looks like he's only about ten years our elder.  "I am a scientist and I'm

conducting a simple experiment.  I won't get into it but let me assure you

that it is for the great benefit of mankind."  I don't know why, but I really

trust him when he says this, and I can tell the girl does too.  "I need two

people to conduct this experiment with – and I've been watching you two, as

you've probably noticed, and you are perfect for this experiment.  Are you

two interested in a little mind-expansion, maybe a little profound

self-improvement?"



        We both stay silent and nod him on to keep talking, of course keeping

our poker-faces on at all times.



        "Well, simply put, I have a machine that will do you no harm, but

will drastically alter the way you perceive reality.  Your mental abilities

will be remarkably enhanced, I can promise you that."



        I don't know why, it really seems fucking stupid, but we both agree

wholeheartedly that we want to do this.  Not like we valued our lives as they

were, anyway.  We were both prepared for a little risky behavior.  And so we

follow this scientist fucker out of the coffee shop and he escorts us to his

Japanese car and drives us for about an hour back to wherever the fuck he

lives.  All the while, we're totally silent.  In the back seat of his car,

the girl is being quite affectionate, you know, and really starting to come

on to me, which is all-too amazing, but sex was certainly not what was on

either of our minds.  It was just a little healthy affection for that night,

we were both a little scared, you know, but the leather seats and the heated

car was quite comfortable, and we felt safe since we were with each other.



        I feel a little sad when we get to the guy's house because it means

me and this wonderful girl I've found have to stop cuddling and get to the

serious shit.  I stepped out of the car wondering what I would do with the

thousand bucks.  One thousand?



        "You're paying us one thousand apiece, right?"  The voiced concern

for money was a compromise of my character, I'm sure, but business was

business and I had to get that straight.



        The scientist guy answered me very briefly and I was satisfied:

"Yes."



        And he leads me and the girl into his house, which is a really nice

place, real great architecture and all that, and then into his basement.  You

know, I really feel bad about calling my companion "the girl," but soon

enough you'll understand why I have to protect her identity.  I suppose I

could pick some fake-name for her or something, but that would just make me

feel dishonest and I would hate that.  Just keep in mind that even though I

am calling her simply "girl," I harbor great, loving feelings for this woman

and I in no way mean to diminish my affection for her by not calling her by

her name.



        But regardless of all that… the scientist-guy's basement was fucking

phenomenal.  Real Buck Rogers type shit.  Lights and switches and crazy shit.

Looked like the equipment in there must have cost about a billion dollars,

maybe more.  But specifically, there's a whole extra room in this guy's

basement, with see-through walls, and a real thick door, and it looks like

the room is totally soundproof and radiation-proof and all that shit.  It

kind of excited me, really, seeing all that technology and knowing I was to

become part of this.  My doubt for the guy's credibility as a scientist was

totally vanquished with the sight of his laboratory.



        He says to us, "Step into the room," and he hits a button which opens

the big heavy door to it, so we walk in.  From then on we can only hear his

voice through speakers in the ceiling.  "Now lie down and relax," he says to

us.  I notice that the floor and all the walls except the see-through one are

padded with like white canvas, but it's really soft to lie down on, so we

comply with his orders.  I felt like I could go to sleep right there on the

floor, it was so comfortable.



        "I'm going to expose you to something now, which you will not be able

to detect, of course, but it will cause you to feel extremely strange.  It is

imperative that you completely relax yourself or else the experiment will be

a failure, and you will not expand your mind, and you will not make one

thousand dollars.  Is that clear?"



        We both nod to him, and I say "yes sir," just to make it all

crystal-clear.  And without further explanation he flips some kind of huge

lever and says to us, "put you heads down and relax.  We have begun."  And

then it gets really, really, fucked up for the both of us.  I felt like my

arms were melting, and all my flesh was turning to ectoplasm, and then I

picked my head up to take a look at myself, and holy shit, my flesh was

ectoplasm, and it was swirling and melting into itself.  Flesh was melting

off my arms and spiraling into my chest, dripping all over the place but then

coming together like I was made of mercury.  It was really fucked up, worse

than any acid I've ever taken, and I swear to that.  I looked over to see

what was happening to my female companion, but I couldn't see that far away.

All I could see was my own body, and everything else was blurred and severely

fucked up.  So I put my head back down on the soft canvas and tried to enjoy

the experience.



        And actually, it is quite enjoyable, in the same way that a shitload

of acid can be enjoyable.  A little frightening, but really quite exciting to

me.  I am quite happy, and I begin to ponder and focus on what exactly is

happening to me, besides the melting flesh and blinding lights and all that

sensory phenomena.  I feel like I'm becoming completely conscious of

everything that is happening to my body.  I visualize my optic nerves sending

impulses to my brain, my heart pumping blood which feeds all parts of my

ectoplasmic body.  And I see the cells in my blood and in my organs wage war

on themselves.  It is all quite confusing, becoming fully conscious of all

one does.  Like I could see everything that happened and control every bit of

it with my brain and all that.  It feels really fucking great, and I have

completely lost sense of time.  But I look up and then I'm kind of conscious

again, my vision is no longer blurry, and I see this scientist guy turning

the switch off.  I stand up and walk up to the see-through wall.



        "What the fuck?  That was incredible, man, what did you do?"  I was

still fully conscious of my body's functioning.  I thought that maybe this

was the extent of my mind-expansion.  I look over to the girl and she's doing

pretty much exactly what I'm doing, standing there, looking expectantly at

the scientist.  He says nothing to us, just stares from beyond the glassy

wall and opens the door for us to come back into the laboratory where he's

standing.  I slowly walk in and the girl follows, and everyone's still

completely silent, but that's when I realize, sort of, what was going on with

us.



        I focused on my warring cells inside my bloodstream.  It doesn't seem

right.  Some of the cells inside there seem foreign to me, like they're not

part of my body.  I can't control them like I control the rest of my cells.

And then I realize something, in my enhanced state.  Something quite

horrible, in one word: virus.



        "Did you fucking put some living shit in our bodies?  I feel really

fucking weird, man.  I feel like there's something foreign inside me."  For

some reason I wonder at this point why the girl has been so silent all along.

I feel selfish for doing all the talking, but then I kind of feel like the

protecting male, and she wants me to do the talking, because I'm her

protector.  That makes me feel good.  Somehow I know exactly how things are

between us, and I no longer feel guilty for keeping her silent all this time.

Still, though, I am quite concerned about this virus thing.



        The scientist spoke for the first time after letting us out, and he

is smiling.  "Obviously my experiment has worked.  Yes, you figured it out.

The virus inside you, Dave, is the AIDS virus.  My experiment involves curing

this horrible disease, and you two are part of it."



        This was absolutely terrifying to me.  "AIDS!  You motherfucker!  I

can't fucking believe you!  AIDS?  How could you fucking do this to us

without telling us?  We're fucking dead meat now!  You total fucking

asshole!"  I feel my profanity is justified by the absolute fucking

selfishness of this inconsiderate bastard who has decided to kill us for the

good of science.  I wait for his explanation.



        "It is a strain of the virus which I have created.  The virii are

significantly evolved.  In fact, they are far more evolved than humans.  If

the experiment works, the virii will have learned to keep you alive, using

your body as a host, and not destroying you like the typical AIDS virus

would.  You should be better off, afterwards.  You and the virii will have a

symbiotic relationship, rather than a parasitic one."



        That was a whole fucking lot to handle, but my mind seemed to grasp

it quite quickly.  I felt like I had been corrupted, like I was no longer

human.  I trusted this guy, in a strange way, but now I was not so sure I was

happy with my enhanced mind.  After all, I was no longer my own man.

Instead, I belonged to myself and a colony of virii who were all smarter than

me.  It made me feel pretty fucking low.  And then, I still had doubts.



        "How do you know that this shit won't kill us?"



        "Well, I don't."



        "Motherfucker!  What do you think the chances are?"



        "Well..." there was a very long pause.  "Fifty-fifty.  You are the

first subjects I've tested this on."



        I just stood there and shookmy fucking head.  I didn't know what to

say, so I just said "okay.  Fine.  Just take us home, okay?  Today has been

pretty tiring."  It was probably stupid of me to cease my interrogation of

this scientist guy, but I really was quite tired, and I had some pondering to

do.  I figured he would contact us another day, which he hasn't yet (it's

been three days since), but I'm really sure he will.  He seemed like a really

great guy, actually, I just still don't know how I feel about what he did to

me and this wonderful girl.  It's a very complex issue to think about, even

for an expanded mind.



        The guy was definitely very nice and cordial with us.  He took us in

his car and gave us a nice quiet ride home.  He had a very reassuring

attitude, and I couldn't help but respect the fucker, even though I hate

scientists.  I do look forward to hearing from him again.



        Oh, and by the way, I lied before.  It wasn't true when I said "we

didn't go back to her place."  In fact, he dropped us both off there and I

slept over.  But we didn't shoot heroin.  We were just too exhausted, even

for that.  And we didn't fuck, either.  No, we made love.  And I've claimed

to have "made love" to other girls before, but really, I was mistaken before

now.  What I did that Sunday night was really making love.  That's another

story altogether.  Kind of a cliche, but I really mean it, seriously.  And

fuck you if you won't believe it, because I don't even care for anyone but

her anymore.  It's pretty ironic, actually, I never imagined this would be

what it's like to be in an AIDS-infested love relationship.  To think, every

time we make love now, we're transferring that shit.  A little disgusting,

eh?  Yes, I fill her up with my hot AIDS-infested semen.  And I have no shame

for it, either.  We're in love, and fuck everything else.  Heh.



        I do genuinely feel that my mind has been expanded profoundly.  I am

able to conjure things into my mind that I had never even considered before

this experience.  It still amazes me; as I said, it's only been three days.

And today, I was sitting on this wonderful girl's porch, it was 3:00 PM, and

I swear to you, I made the sun set with my mind.  At 3:00 PM.  I have a

strong feeling that I am capable of much more, if that isn't the most

fucked-up thing you've ever heard.  A little bit frightening, actually.  Is

every asshole with AIDS going to get to be like me one day?  That's really

fucking scary.



        Anyway, that is my story.  That's how I became superhuman, and I have

AIDS to thank.  "The gay plague."  But I'll tell you what, now that I'm

thinking of it, and I hate to sound cheesy, but it's true, I am just not

concerned with my superhuman powers, now that I have them.  This is because I

know I have something far more important, and that is love.  Maybe one day

when everyone has got this magic virus in their bodies, people will

understand that.  Making the sun set is really fucking boring when you have

something as magical as a loving relationship, a human being who you can

share everything with, even your own flesh.  For two people to share two

minds and two bodies, as if they were both their own, well, it's really

fucking amazing.  Far more amazing than any setting sun.  I know, I'm sorry

this story has to end up so damned cheesy, but that's what mind-expansion

does to you, I guess.  Some things have to sound cheesy because they're just

so true.  Love between two living human beings is beautiful.  But love

between two living human beings and two living super-evolved virus colonies,

well, that's just too fucking exquisite for words to describe.