So, during the start of X-Wing vs. TIE Fighter, it was one of the first opportunities for people to play together online. I at the time was known as .Krach., a Star Wars RPG character who had lost an eye. ,)

So, anyways, I happened to be a member of PDBH the first ever XvT .squad. (as they were called at the time), I knew the guy who ran GLG (Green Lizard Guard, 2nd ever) Gecko, and was one of the founding members of CSMG (Crimson Scythe Mercenary Guild, 4th ever) where in, I ended up leading an .elite. squad (people who were on more often than not) which then splintered in our own squad: Guild of the Morning Star) GMS. As such, I have a lot of memories about the original days of people collecting into groups/squads/guilds/teams whatever people are calling them these days, and had a lot of experience in the original days of these inter-player organizations developing.

The first file I would like to send you is an important artifact to me. The person to author it was named Trickster, and he was a troubled individual, who attempted to get the various squads to pay attention to him, but they never really did. He was struggling with depression, and eventually killed himself, but not before authoring these letter. I'd like to ensure that regardless of my future, this letter would be kept somewhere, as it touched me deeply at the time, and I have been keeping on to it, for some 20~25 years.

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TO ALL PLAYERS OF XvT, IN THE ZONE AND LADDER.........PLEASE READ
THIS...IT'S VERY IMPORTANT....AND BY NO MEANS A JOKE!

Hello all, ex. PDBH_Mav_GW/M@VERICK69 here again....I am emailing everyone
one on the ladder about a certain matter.  First off I want to state that I
believe I made a mistake on accusing Unknown of cheating/hacking. 
Something has happened that has had a dramatic effect on my outlook of
life, and this game we all have an obsession with.  So I want to first
publically say , I WAS WRONG, and I'm sorry Unknown.  I think it's time for
everyone, EVERYONE to think.  Think about why we come to the zone, why we
participate on the ladder, why we join, or joined squads, why we even play.
This squad bullshit is out of hand.  And no I'm not bitching without
reason.  Last night someone I know commited suicide.  He couldn't deal with
the pressure's of life.  College and that fact that the girl of his dreams
for 6 years turned him down when he proposed on bended need in front of a
gathering of their closest friends.  His parents tried to contact me but I
was at work last night, they told me 10 minutes ago when I walked in the
house.  I called and talked with them for awhile then his sister came on
the phone to tell me she found a note addressed to me, he wanted her to
email me.....his zone name was Trickster4176, and he only played last
week......here is part of the message I think you should know, "Tom, I
tried to do what you said, I was playing my best, but it wasn't good enough
for anyone to take notice.  I wanted to be in your squad with you, but I am
no good.  I'm sorry for letting you down.....letting everyone
down............" The rest is none of your business.......sorry if I sound
hard right now, but it seems I killed him.....by telling him if he played
hard that people would notice and then he might be invited into the PDBH's
or any squad for that matter.  I talked with his sis about that....but she
told me it was his girlfriend and his grades that did it she
believed.........I don't know at this point....I only knew him for a month,
he emailed me out of the blue saying he liked my homepage and that we had a
lot in common and could we be friend.....I like making friends so that is
how we met......I know ¾ of you could possibly give two shits, but a life
was cut short, I'm not blaming XvT or anything, suicide is a cowards way
out.  I know, I attempted it twice.  But that is not the point, my point
is, I can actually see that happening to players in the zone, some of you
take it way too seriously.  It scares me cause I have made alot of friends
with you guys....and I don't want to see anyone go crazy with an
obsession....I love this game, it's my favorite......but there is a line
between fun and life..........We have taken a good chunk of the fun away
and made this game LIFE.....I mean most players are way too far into the
game........For example.....( CSM'S.......no offense is meant here, your
all cool with me, but this example serves my purpose)  I saw CSM's saluting
....and calling the leader sir....there is no need for this.......this is a
game...not a real military group..........most of us wish this was
real....but I have to break that now......THIS IS NOT REAL..........

Their are 3 players whom I have played with since I started.....three that
I consider my closest friends of everyone........those three
are...ShadowReaper, Vex, and Rabid.......given time, the Reaper could be
someone I consider my best friend.......same with Vex and Rabid......They
all taught me when I was a newbie that not giving up and to keep trying and
I would always have fun in every game.....they were right.  Vex taught me
how important good sportsmanship is....when I first played him it was
because of the repetation I have heard about the Vexster....I played him
knowing I would lose, but I wanted to know what the best meant......what I
could learn so I'd be a challenge.........when he crushed me...........I
expected .....Yeah, kicked some ass or another one bites the dust....not
the good game...you did really well..........it thru me off.......and after
talking with him for a little bit, I learned how much of a great person he
was, and that he was not only the best, but a human being.....I have used
him as a role model for this game....and tried to always be honest and fair
and a good sport....and I have achieved that and earned some level of
respect among the players.....I think I may have tarnished that with my
accusation with Unknown....and once again I am truly sorry Brian........I
was in a bad mood that day and that is by means no excuse.......please
forgive my ignorance........I need to jet....I have over 750+ players to
email..........and to all squadron members...please email this to all your
members.....thank you..........

And Dutch, I'm sorry you had to  hear it like this....but I resign, quit,
whatever..........you and the group had no part in my decision........I
need to be alone for awhile........

From now on, my new zone name is MAVHOLIO.......I chose that not because of
you guys Rabid and Reap........but because of Jason....that was his name
and he called me the Great MAVHOLIO after our first game....he called me
that just to honor me....but mainly cause I defeated him 33-5.........and
that is nothing, NOTHING I am proud of....he was playing with all energy
settings to max.......he didn't know the secret so many of us keep about
maintaining the power settings.....I taught him and our next match was
12-10....I still won, but he learned fast.......and he would have been a
great player....but now....I'll never, we'll never know........

Take care all....

Let's bring the FUN back..............please?

Tom/M@V 69