====== ====== ============ ========== ========== ============ ========== ====== ====== ============ =========== ========== ============ ============ ====== ====== ====== ==== ==== ==== ==== ====== ======== ================ ============ ==== ==== ==== ==== ============ ======== ================ ============ ========== ========== ============ ======== ====== ====== ====== ==== ==== ========== ====== ======== ====== ====== ============ ==== ==== ==== ============ ============ ====== ====== ============ ==== ==== ==== ============ =========== +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ How to be a jackass on teleconferences [THE IMPROVED EDITION] by Urza Made especially for Cuebiz and his Telco-Inside orgy +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ <==TABLE OF CONTENTS==> 1- Introduction 2- Overview 3- Methods 3.1- Oddball Stories 3.2- Yelling 3.3- Toning 3.4- Strange Music 4- Personal Experience 5- Fin ======================= [1-INTRODUCTION] Greetings! Some of you may be wondering to yourselves "Self, didn't I see this somewhere before?" Yeah, you probably did, as the first version of this textfile was posted in the Cal.phonelosers.org forums. In a attempt to keep this textfile alive, I asked my good pal Cuebiz if he could put it on his site (telco-inside.spunge.org) he said he would I added a neato header and changed some things around... Well I did adding a new method and new material to the original methods. I also added my own personal experience with this textfile, which is just a description of how Moosealini, Gzaector, and I annoyed the Phonelosers Voice Bridge one night with crazy music. Thats all I got to tell you right now, so enjoy this IMPROVED textfile! -Urza/Vin Diesel [2-OVERVIEW] Hey there new phreak or old phreak with an attitude problem! Have you ever wanted to act like a TOTAL JACKASS on a teleconference and wow all your 31337 friends? If you said yes, then I salute you, even though that you could have friends after acting like a TOTAL JACKASS! Moving on, This textfile will teach you the "ABCs" of being a jackass on teleconferences. First off, you must get info of an impending teleconference, so ask around (dont beg, thats what I do and I want to stay original) or maybe look through h/p forums and maybe you'll get a conference number and access code, who knows? i dont... Once you get the info, wait until the exact time of the start and, dial in, and let the fun begin! [3-METHODS] {3.1-Oddball Stories} When your peers delve into a very intelligent conversation about the discovery of a extender or about a phreak's latest adventure involving the fooling of an Ameritech lineman, just start talking about something completely unrelated to the matter at hand... for example Phreak 1: I was scanning a few hours ago, and I found a bunch of test numbers Phreak 2: 31337, are these test numbers in a Central Office specified prefix? Phreak 1: I think so, I've never seen the prefix before Some Random Jackass: And so I ran around the pond screaming for help, my little brother flailing his arms wildly in the water. The medics finally arrived and tried pulling my brother out of the water with a innertube, but it was too late, he drowned and I never saw him again Phreak 2: What? Some Random Jackass: There was no real funeral, since we couldnt find the body in the pond. I cried myself to sleep that night, fondly remembering great memories of me and my kid brother, fishing, playing catch, trying on women's clothing... Phreak 1: Trying on women's clothing? Most likely, some people will find this funny and laugh, but I'm guranteering that you'll get mixed responses from doing this {3.2-Yelling} Another thing to do is when your peers are about to prank someone, start saying stupid shit in a growly voice until the prank victim hangs up, thus ruining the hilarity of the prank, for example... Phreak 1: Ok I'll dial the number Phreak 2: What are we going to say? Phreak 3: Something right off the top of your head [Victim picks up] Victim: Hello? Tower Records? Phreak 3: Uh yes... Do you have any old Madonna... [This is where you come in with the growly voice] Some Random Jackass: I AM SATAN! OBEY MY AWESOME MALEVOLENT STRENGTH! Victim: What? Phreak 1: That was nothing, I meant, do you have an... Some Random Jackass: THE EARTH WILL SWIM WITH THE BLOOD OF ALL OF THE SINNERS AND I SHALL LAUGH FROM MY DARK LAIR! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! [Victim hangs up] Phreak 1: You dickhole! Some Random Jackass: WHAT WAS THAT?! I WILL SMITE YOU WITH MY WICKED AXE OF EVIL! Even though I find this hilarious, most people wont since you ruined a potentially hilarious prank call... {3.3-Toning} Well, this section is obviously going to be short since theres no real extensive explanation of toning. All toning is just pushing a random button down, emitting a constant and very annoying tone. I don't condone this, but hey, its your ass, not mine. So do it if you want to {3.4-Strange Music} Okay, a last thing you can do while on the conference to prove you jackassness, is of course the most annoying thing ever, besides toning, is to play loud music right into the telephone speaker. For example: Phreak 1: Yeah, the VMS number is x-xxx-xxx-xxxx Phreak 2: I'll check it out, are these boxes easy to own? Phreak 1: yeah, definately [2 Live Crew "Me So Horny" starts playing out of nowhere] Song: Me so horny, me so horny, me so horny, me love you long time Phreak 1: What? [For extra kicks, make unintelligible grunts while the song is playing] Ive done this so many times! Aside from being very annoying, its the most hilarious method because you can have a wide variety of crazy music to play into the phone, I recommend weird shit, like Weird Al, Anal Cunt, Chipmunks, or better yet, Korean techno (yeah Moosealini) [4-PERSONAL EXPERIENCE] A couple of weeks ago, Gzaector passed along to me a tollfree number that was being forwarded to the ever so popular Phonelosers Voice Bridge (which, in my honest opinion, is a cesspool of white trash) I reminded Moosealini of the number and at around 9pm that night we dialed into the conference and started blasting music (to you people who are reading this who were on the VB that night, we were the ones playing the Korean techno and Misfits songs) Despite the immaturity, it was funny (we think so anyway) [5-FIN] I hope you liked my textfile, it was my first one since my "apprehension" a few months ago. Goodbye my h/p peers, and remember, there is only one Vin Diesel -Urza