From: IN%"KENNEDY@Eisner.DECUS.Org" "Terry Kennedy" 19-FEB-1998 17:53:06.42 To: IN%"TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu" CC: Subj: Notefile HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS Note 179.281 Return-path: Received: from mailgate.spc.edu (root@mailgate.spc.edu) by spcvxa.spc.edu (PMDF V5.0-8 #26959) id <01ITRTW076NK005OGT@spcvxa.spc.edu> for TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu; Thu, 19 Feb 1998 17:52:55 -0500 (EST) Received: from Eisner.DECUS.Org (SYSTEM@Eisner.DECUS.Org [192.67.173.2]) by mailgate.spc.edu (8.8.8/8.8.8/SPC-3.0-NORELAY) with ESMTP id RAA21956 for ; Thu, 19 Feb 1998 17:52:47 -0500 (EST) Received: from Eisner.DECUS.Org by Eisner.DECUS.Org (PMDF V4.2-12 #4291) id <01ITRTU7228G00ZPZZ@Eisner.DECUS.Org>; Thu, 19 Feb 1998 17:51:31 -0500 (EST) Date: Thu, 19 Feb 1998 17:51:31 -0500 (EST) From: Terry Kennedy Subject: Notefile HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS Note 179.281 To: TERRY@spcvxa.spc.edu Message-id: <01ITRTU72V6A00ZPZZ@Eisner.DECUS.Org> Organization: Digital Equipment Computer Users Society X-VMS-To: kennedy MIME-version: 1.0 Content-type: TEXT/PLAIN; CHARSET=US-ASCII Content-transfer-encoding: 7BIT <<< EISNER::$2$DIA7:[NOTES$HIVOL]HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS.NOTE;1 >>> -< HOBBIES_AND_INTERESTS >- ================================================================================ Note 179.281 Jokes (clean and not sick) 281 of 281 EISNER::WESLING "Chris Wesling" 132 lines 19-FEB-1998 14:34 -< Haiku error messages >- -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A programmer's memo to his boss: I've been considering adding Haiku to my programs to soften the blow when fatal errors happen. Here are a few of my favorites. Seeing my great fault Through darkening blue windows I begin again The code was willing, It considered your request, But the chips were weak. A file that big? It might be very useful. But now it is gone. Windows NT crashed I am the Blue Screen of Death. No one hears your screams. Three things are certain: Death, taxes, and lost data. Guess which has occurred. Everything is gone; Your life's work has been destroyed. Squeeze trigger (yes/no)? I'm sorry, there's -- um -- insufficient -- what's-it-called? The term eludes me ... Printer not ready. Could be a fatal error. Have a pen handy? Errors have occurred. We won't tell you where or why. Lazy programmers. Server's poor response Not quick enough for browser. Timed out, plum blossom. Chaos reigns within. Reflect, repent, and reboot. Order shall return. Login incorrect. Only perfect spellers may enter this system. This site has been moved. We'd tell you where, but then we'd have to delete you. wind catches lily scatt'ring petals to the wind: segmentation fault ABORTED effort: Close all that you have. You ask way too much. First snow, then silence. This thousand dollar screen dies so beautifully. With searching comes loss and the presence of absence: "My Novel" not found. The Tao that is seen Is not the true Tao, until You bring fresh toner. The Web site you seek cannot be located but endless others exist Stay the patient course Of little worth is your ire The network is down A crash reduces your expensive computer to a simple stone. There is a chasm of carbon and silicon the software can't bridge Yesterday it worked Today it is not working Windows is like that To have no errors Would be life without meaning No struggle, no joy You step in the stream, but the water has moved on. This page is not here. No keyboard present Hit F1 to continue Zen engineering? Hal, open the file Hal, open the damn file, Hal open the, please Hal Out of memory. We wish to hold the whole sky, But we never will. Having been erased, The document you're seeking Must now be retyped. The ten thousand things How long do any persist? Netscape, too, has gone. Rather than a beep Or a rude error message, These words: "File not found." Serious error. All shortcuts have disappeared. Screen. Mind. Both are blank.